荷塘月色
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荷塘月色
—汉译英对比赏析
朱自清原作
赏析取材
本文以朱自清的《荷塘月色》（Moonlight over the Lotus Pond）一文的第四至第五段为例，并以朱纯深和王椒升的译文为蓝本（朱纯深的译文下称译文1，王椒升的译文下称译文2），通过对名家译作的对比赏析来探讨汉译英翻译作品的翻译技巧。
作者介绍
朱自清(1898年11月22日 —1948年8月12日 )
笔名捷，字佩弦，浙江绍兴人，中国现代散文家,语文教育家，文学家，诗人,学者，民主战士
朱自清的散文其独特的艺术风格令人拍案叫绝。早期多为叙事写景，抒情言志的篇目，语言凝练明净，细腻秀丽。中期则用笔朴实，字里行间渗透着真诚清秀之风。后期所谈的都是现实问题，思想激进，锋芒毕露，光采烨烨。景中有情，景为情设，情从景出，以事写情，情事溶合，以情动人，其完美的散文意境，树立了“白话美文的模范”，为中国现代散文的发展做出了巨大贡献
《荷塘月色》创作背景
《荷塘月色》是一篇以写景为主的抒情散文。写于１９２７年７月，那时作者在清华大学教书，住清华园西院。文章里描写的荷塘就在清华园。这一年中国接连发生了“四·一二”和“七·一五”反革命大屠杀，白色恐怖笼罩着中国大地。朱自清处于苦闷彷徨中。他自己也知道，“只有参加革命或反革命，才能解决这惶惶然”，但他最终还是选择了“暂时逃避的一法”（《忆佩弦》）。
《荷塘月色》创作背景
但是他毕竟是一个爱国的民主主义者，面对黑暗现实，又不能安心于这种“超然”。在《一封信》中他表白说：“这几天似乎有些异样，象一叶扁舟在无边的大海上，象一个猎人在无尽的森林里。……心里是一团乱麻，也可以说是一团火。似乎在挣扎着，要明白些什么，但似乎什么也没有明白。”《荷塘月色》就正是作者自己想“超然”而又想“挣扎”的心迹的真实描摹和生动写照。
译文1中”All over this”放在句首加以突出，使这一部分所表达的意思在语气的分量与原文相当。
①曲曲折折的
《英英词典》
Winding:having a curving and twisting shapes(～曲折的，弯曲的，蜿蜒的)
Stretch:to put your arms or legs out straight and tighten your muscbes(有伸展舒展之意)
Uneven:not level, smooth or flat(不平坦的，凹凸不平的)
曲曲折折的荷塘上面，弥望的是田田的叶子。叶子出水很高，像亭亭的舞女的裙。层层的叶子中间，零星地点缀着些白花，有袅娜地开着的，有羞涩地打着朵儿的；正如一粒粒的
明珠，又如碧天里的星星，又如刚出浴的美人。
译文1：All over this winding stretch of water, what meets the eye is a silken field of leaves, reaching rather high above the surface. like the skirts ef dancing girls in all their grace. Here and there, layers of leaves are dotted with white lotus blossoms, some in demure bloom, others in shy bud, like scattering pearls, or twinkling stars, our beauties just out of the bath.
译文2：On the uneven surface of the pond, all one could see was a mass of leaves, all interlaced and shooting high above the water like the skirts of slim dancing girls. The leaves were dotted in between the layers with white flowers, some blooming gracefully; others, as if bashfully, still in bud. They were like bright pearls and stars in an azure sky.
Winding stretch 形容出荷塘上水波粼粼的感觉与荷 叶自然生长的很强生命力。
Uneven 一般形容小路，墙壁不平坦，很单调，无法形容出朱先生所要表达的美的意境。
此处作者叠词的使用，相比之下，译文1中的winding stretch 较好，能体现出作者所心里想要表达的那种意境美。
曲曲折折的
曲曲折折的荷塘上面，弥望的是田田的叶子。叶子出水很高，像亭亭的舞女的裙。层层的叶子中间，零星地点缀着些白花，有袅娜地开着的，有羞涩地打着朵儿的；正如一粒粒的 明珠，又如碧天里的星星，又如刚出浴的美人。
译文1：All over this winding stretch of water, what meets the eye is a silken field of leaves, reaching rather high above the surface. like the skirts ef dancing girls in all their grace. Here and there, layers of leaves are dotted with white lotus blossoms, some in demure bloom, others in shy bud, like scattering pearls, or twinkling stars, our beauties just out of the bath.
译文2：On the uneven surface of the pond, all one could see was a mass of leaves, all interlaced and shooting high above the water like the skirts of slim dancing girls. The leaves were dotted in between the layers with white flowers, some blooming gracefully; others, as if bashfully, still in bud. They were like bright pearls and stars in an azure sky.
弥望的是田田的叶子
译文1：what meets the eye is a silken field of leaves
译文2：all one could see was a mass of leaves
② Field: a large area of land covered with the thing mentioned; an area from which the thing mentioned is obtained(覆盖…的成有…的)大片地方
Mass: a large amount of a substance that does not have a definite shape or form(团、块、堆)
Field有大片的意思，更能够描绘出成片荷叶的生长。 Mass有团、块等的意思，一般形容一堆积雪和石块。
且： field前有 silken一词。而silken有光滑柔软的，似丝绸般发亮的意思，把荷叶叶面上的光滑体现得淋漓尽致，让人不自觉地想起一颗颗露珠在荷叶上跳动。
③ 对弥望的理解：meets the eye 形象地翻译出了弥望的意思，是景物映入眼前。而see则没有那种意境。See是特意去看，没有meets the eye用得好。
④亭亭的
Grace: an attractive quality of movement that is smooth, elegant and controlled(优美，优雅)
Slim: thin, in a way that is attractive(苗条的，纤细的)
Grace形容出了舞女舞姿的优雅，而 slim单纯是纤细的意思，它只能形容一个瘦弱的舞女，并不能体现其舞姿优美，就失去了原文的意境美。
叶子出水很高，像亭亭的舞女的裙。层层的叶子中间，零星地点缀着些白花，有袅娜地开着的，有羞涩地打着朵儿的
译文1： reaching rather high above the surface. like the skirts ef dancing girls in all their grace. Here and there, layers of leaves are dotted with white lotus blossoms, some in demure bloom, others in shy bud.
译文2： all interlaced and shooting high above the water like the skirts of slim dancing girls. The leaves were dotted in between the layers with white flowers, some blooming gracefully; others, as if bashfully, still in bud.
⑤对于白花的理解：王椒升翻译成white flower太直译了，朱纯深运用了意译的手法使用lotus blossoms描写出了一束束荷花盛开的景象。
有袅娜地开着的，有羞涩地打着朵儿的
译文1：some in demure bloom, others in shy bud.
译文2：some blooming gracefully; others as if bashfully, still in bud.
⑥译文1 语言简洁，句构节奏体现了散文语体特征，所以较好。
⑦两个译本均采用明喻取代通感，通过视觉来表达基本效果。
⑧文章多处运用叠词，如（曲曲折折的，田田的，亭亭的，层层的）不仅准确而传神地渲染和强化了诗情画意，而且节奏明朗，韵律协调，富有音乐美。
①明喻及通感
译1drifting from a
distant运用了头韵
的修辞手法，它使
读者感到莲花的动态
美，译2翻译的不太
理想。翻译的过长、
甚至降低了通感的
程度。
②在汉语译本中，四个汉字会加快韵律。读者能看到并感受到其
震颤，正如汉字译本中的韵律一样，在译1里也有四个重音节。翻
译能给读者视觉和感觉上的强烈感觉。在译2中，作者将四个音节
挑战到九个，这使得句子速度变得更加的慢，故译一要比译二处
理得当，
微风过处，送来缕缕清香，仿佛远处高楼上渺茫的歌声似的。这时候叶子与花也有一丝的颤动，像闪电般，霎时传过荷塘的那边去了。
译文1：A breeze stirs, sending over breaths of fragrance, like faint singing drift- ing from a distant building. At this moment, a tiny thrill shoots through the leaves and flowers, like a streak of lightning, straight across the forest of lotuses.
译文2：Their subtle fragrance was wafted by the passing breeze, in whiffs airy as he notes of a song coming faintly from some distant tower. There was a tremor on leaf and flower, which, with the suddenness of lightning, soon drifted to the far end of the pond.
①Shed: to let sth fall
to drop sth(使落下,
使掉下)
Flow: (of liquid, gas
or electricity) to
move steadily and
continuouslyin one
direction(流,流动)
Shed没有体现文章
的美感意思很直白,
flow只是描写了流动
的动作,没有太多的
意思,此处,我觉得用
cascaded更好.
Cascaded: a large
amount of water
Falling or pouring
down(倾泻流注)
Eg:water cascaded
down the mountain
side.Cascaded体现了
月光如流水般的美感
让读者有如身临其境.
月光如流水一般，静静地泻在这一片叶子和花上。薄薄的青雾浮起在荷塘里。叶子和花仿佛在牛乳中洗过一样；又像笼着轻纱的梦。
译文1：The moon sheds her liquid light silently over the leaves and flowers, which, in the floating transparency of a bluish haze from the pond, look as if they had just been bathed in milk, or like a dream wrapped in a gauzy hood.
泽文2：Moonlight was flowing quietly like a stream down to the leaves and flowers. A light mist overspread the lotus pond. Leaf and flower seemed washed in milk.
②Sliently: without speaking, without making any or much sound,
with a sing words or sounds.
Quietly: to speak I more quietly.
Silently和quietly仅仅指安静的意思，没有话语的安静。此处用tranquil
更恰当。
Tranquil: quiet and peaceful.安静的，平静的，安宁的。
Eg:the tranquil waters of the lake. Tranquil表现出了安静，平和的美
感，更深入文章的情感。
③Haze:air that is
difficult to see
through because it
contains very small
drops of water,
Especially.薄雾
Mist: a cloud of very
small drops of water
in the air just above
caused by hot
weather. The ground
that make it difficult
to see.薄雾，水气
Haze 有水汽的意思，
一般上由水气引起的薄
雾，而mist就是指薄雾
准确而贴切。
④Float: to move slowly on water or in the air.浮动，漂流，飘动，飘移
pond: a small area of still water, especially one that is artificial 池塘
（尤指人工的）
Wrap: to cover sth/sb in material, to cover sth completely in a paper
Or other material; to put sth firmly around sth/sb.包裹、覆盖
月光如流水一般，静静地泻在这一片叶子和花上。薄薄的青雾浮起在荷塘里。叶子和花仿佛在牛乳中洗过一样；又像笼着轻纱的梦。
译文1：The moon sheds her liquid light silently over the leaves and flowers, which, in the floating transparency of a bluish haze from the pond, look as if they had just been bathed in milk, or like a dream wrapped in a gauzy hood.
泽文2：Moonlight was flowing quietly like a stream down to the leaves and flowers. A light mist overspread the lotus pond. Leaf and flower seemed washed in milk.
①a film of: a thin layer of sth, usually on the surfall of the else 薄薄的一层
Pale: light in colour; containing a lot of white 浅色的；淡色的
②bright: full of light; shining strongly 光线充足的；明亮的
Brilliant: (of light or colours 光线或色彩) very bright 明亮的；鲜艳的
③profound: very great; felt or experienced very strongly 巨大的；深切的；深远的
Refresh: to make sb feel less tried or less hot 使恢复精力，使凉爽
虽然是满月，天上却有一层淡淡的云，所以不能朗照；但我以为这恰是到了好处——酣眠固不可少，小睡也别有风味的。
译文1：Although it is a full moon, shining through a film of clouds, the light is not at its brightest; it is, however, just right for me - a profound sleep is indispensable, yet a snatched doze also has a savour of its own.
译文2：It was a full moon, but a pale cloud hanging over head made it lose some of its brilliance
戴乃迭：though the moon was full, a film of pale clouds in the sky would not allow its rays to shine through brightly; but I felt this was all to the good--- though refreshing sleep is indispensable, short naps have a charm all their own..
④ indispensable: essential; too important to be without 必露的；不可或缺的
⑤snatch: to take or get sth quickly, especially because you do not have much time抓紧时间做；成绩获得
虽然是满月，天上却有一层淡淡的云，所以不能朗照；但我以为这恰是到了好处——酣眠固不可少，小睡也别有风味的。
译文1：Although it is a full moon, shining through a film of clouds, the light is not at its brightest; it is, however, just right for me - a profound sleep is indispensable, yet a snatched doze also has a savour of its own.
译文2：It was a full moon, but a pale cloud hanging over head made it lose some of its brilliance
戴乃迭：though the moon was full, a film of pale clouds in the sky would not allow its rays to shine through brightly; but I felt this was all to the good--- though refreshing sleep is indispensable, short naps have a charm all their own.
⑥Doze: a short period of sleep, usually during the day(通常日间的)瞌睡
Nap: a short sleep, especially deering the day(日间的)小睡，打盹
⑦Savour: to enjoy a feeling or an experience throughly 体会；体味；享受
savour of sth(no passive) to seem to have an amount of sth especially sth bad 意味着；有点---的味道（尤其指坏事）
Charm: a feature or quality that is pleasing or attractive迷人的特征；吸引人的特征。
讲解：
因为王的译文采用了省略法，故此处添加了戴乃迭的译文以供比较。
“酣眠”比喻朗照，“小睡”比喻淡淡的云遮住了满月的意境。这种朦胧柔和的恬淡的正符合作者此时的心境，所以说“恰到了好处”。
译文中“天上却有一层淡淡的云”朱与戴同用了“ a film of ” 而王用了“ pale ”. 根据原文意思“ a film of ” 更忠实于原文。
译文中“不能朗照”朱用了(the light is not at its brightest);
王用了(lose some of its brilliance);
戴用了(not allow its rays to shine through brightly)
根据我对原文的理解，因为满月被云层包围所以月光不能透射出来，所以此处戴的翻译俱佳。
“酣眠固不可少，小睡也别有风味的”
朱：a profound sleep is indispensable, yet a snatched doze also has a savour of its own.
王： 省略了这一句的翻译
戴：though refreshing sleep is indispensable, short naps have a
charm all their own.
这里的“酣眠”应强调睡眠的深度，故朱体现 了这一程度，而“小睡也别有风味”应指其小睡的韵味，散文的韵味主要表现在语言的声响和节奏，作品的意境和氛围与作者个性化的话语方式三方面，故戴的译文体现 了这一特点。
总结：翻译的标准体现在艺术地再现原文的思想内容和语言形式两个方面，译文中朱最忠实于中文原文而戴则结合了中西方文化，而王的译本有些欠缺，尤其在结构上采用了省咯法。
①stream：(of liquid or gas) to move or pour out in a continuous flow; to produce a continuous flow of liquid or gas.牛津高阶英汉双解词典 第六版 p1744
Glow：(especially of sth hot or warm 尤指热的物体)to produce a dull, steady light发出微弱而稳定的光
综上所述，streaming down 给人的感觉更加贴切，月光如流水一样，很有意境美，此处用同感使得译文再现原文美
月光是隔了树照过来的，高处丛生的灌木，落下参差的斑驳的黑影，峭楞楞如鬼一般；弯弯的杨柳的稀疏的倩影，却又像是画在荷叶上。
译文1： The moonlight is streaming down through the foliage, casting bushy shadows on the ground from high above, dark and check ered, like an army of ghosts; whereas the begin figures of the drooping (头、树枝等)低垂willows, here and there, look like paintings on the Io tus leaves.
译文2: Moonlight was glowing from behind the trees, and the dense shrubs above cast down gloomy ghost-like shadows of arching willows were like a picture etched on the lotus leaves.
月光是隔了树照过来的，高处丛生的灌木，落下参差的斑驳的黑影，峭楞楞如鬼一般；弯弯的杨柳的稀疏的倩影，却又像是画在荷叶上。
译文1： The moonlight is streaming down through the foliage, casting bushy shadows on the ground from high above, dark and check ered, like an army of ghosts; whereas the begin figures of the drooping (头、树枝等)低垂willows, here and there, look like paintings on the Io tus leaves.
译文2: Moonlight was glowing from behind the trees, and the dense shrubs above cast down gloomy ghost-like shadows of arching willows were like a picture etched on the lotus leaves.
② whereas 译文用了个转折词，whereas用于陈述相反的话，引出表示对比、对立或直接相反（Direct Opposition）的状语从句，whereas引导的从句与主句在意义上不仅是对立和相反的，而且也是并列的。(冠伦教育－名师答疑－薄冰教授、司树森教授)
of 是名词所属格，表示所有关系。表示“...的,属于”
文中前半部分讲的是给人的感觉有点阴森，后面描述的是一幅画的景色，两者之间存在着转折关系，译文2忽略这一点综上所述，朱纯深的比较好。
塘中的月色并不均匀；但光与影有着和谐的旋律,如梵婀玲上奏着的名曲。
译文1：The moonlight is not spread evenly over the pond, but rather in a harmonious rhythm of light and shade, like a famous melody played on a violin.
译文2：Uneven as was the moonlight over the pond, there was a harmony between light and shade, rhythmic as a well-known melody played on the violin.
①as :used to describe sb/sth appearing to be sb/sth else；used to describe the fact that sb/sth has particular job or function (OALED)
Like: similar to sb/sth ；used to show what is ususl or typical for sb (OALED)
朱纯深用的like更适合此句话，因为like是说有相似点，就是说那种感觉就像梵啊玲上的名曲
②Spread over: to open sth that has been folded so that it covers a large area than before ；to separate sth into parts and divide them between different times/people. (OALED)
Uneven over: not level, smooth, flat；not following regular pattern ,not having a regular size and shape (OALED)
王椒升的译本更好，因为据解释，uneven over是表示层次不齐的特点，而只是说明范围很大，并没有体现不均匀的特色
塘中的月色并不均匀；但光与影有着和谐的旋律,如梵婀玲上奏着的名曲。
译文1：The moonlight is not spread evenly over the pond, but rather in a harmonious rhythm of light and shade, like a famous melody played on a violin.
译文2：Uneven as was the moonlight over the pond, there was a harmony between light and shade,rhythmic as a well-known melody played on the violin.
③but rather in a harmonious rhythm of light and shade
there was a harmony between light and shade,rhythmic
译文1注重了转折，而译文2只是个there be句型但并没有转折的意思，原文本身的意思是但光与影有着和谐的旋律，所有译文1更能体现原文本来的意思。
塘中的月色并不均匀；但光与影有着和谐的旋律,如梵婀玲上奏着的名曲。
译文1：The moonlight is not spread evenly over the pond, but rather in a harmonious rhythm of light and shade, like a famous melody played on a violin.
译文2：Uneven as was the moonlight over the pond, there was a harmony between light and shade,rhythmic as a well-known melody played on the violin.
Thank you
荷塘月色
—汉译英对比赏析
朱自清原作
赏析取材
本文以朱自清的《荷塘月色》（Moonlight over the Lotus Pond）一文的第四至第五段为例，并以朱纯深和王椒升的译文为蓝本（朱纯深的译文下称译文1，王椒升的译文下称译文2），通过对名家译作的对比赏析来探讨汉译英翻译作品的翻译技巧。
作者介绍
朱自清(1898年11月22日 —1948年8月12日 )
笔名捷，字佩弦，浙江绍兴人，中国现代散文家,语文教育家，文学家，诗人,学者，民主战士
朱自清的散文其独特的艺术风格令人拍案叫绝。早期多为叙事写景，抒情言志的篇目，语言凝练明净，细腻秀丽。中期则用笔朴实，字里行间渗透着真诚清秀之风。后期所谈的都是现实问题，思想激进，锋芒毕露，光采烨烨。景中有情，景为情设，情从景出，以事写情，情事溶合，以情动人，其完美的散文意境，树立了“白话美文的模范”，为中国现代散文的发展做出了巨大贡献
《荷塘月色》创作背景
《荷塘月色》是一篇以写景为主的抒情散文。写于１９２７年７月，那时作者在清华大学教书，住清华园西院。文章里描写的荷塘就在清华园。这一年中国接连发生了“四·一二”和“七·一五”反革命大屠杀，白色恐怖笼罩着中国大地。朱自清处于苦闷彷徨中。他自己也知道，“只有参加革命或反革命，才能解决这惶惶然”，但他最终还是选择了“暂时逃避的一法”（《忆佩弦》）。
《荷塘月色》创作背景
但是他毕竟是一个爱国的民主主义者，面对黑暗现实，又不能安心于这种“超然”。在《一封信》中他表白说：“这几天似乎有些异样，象一叶扁舟在无边的大海上，象一个猎人在无尽的森林里。……心里是一团乱麻，也可以说是一团火。似乎在挣扎着，要明白些什么，但似乎什么也没有明白。”《荷塘月色》就正是作者自己想“超然”而又想“挣扎”的心迹的真实描摹和生动写照。
译文1中”All over this”放在句首加以突出，使这一部分所表达的意思在语气的分量与原文相当。
①曲曲折折的
《英英词典》
Winding:having a curving and twisting shapes(～曲折的，弯曲的，蜿蜒的)
Stretch:to put your arms or legs out straight and tighten your muscbes(有伸展舒展之意)
Uneven:not level, smooth or flat(不平坦的，凹凸不平的)
曲曲折折的荷塘上面，弥望的是田田的叶子。叶子出水很高，像亭亭的舞女的裙。层层的叶子中间，零星地点缀着些白花，有袅娜地开着的，有羞涩地打着朵儿的；正如一粒粒的
明珠，又如碧天里的星星，又如刚出浴的美人。
译文1：All over this winding stretch of water, what meets the eye is a silken field of leaves, reaching rather high above the surface. like the skirts ef dancing girls in all their grace. Here and there, layers of leaves are dotted with white lotus blossoms, some in demure bloom, others in shy bud, like scattering pearls, or twinkling stars, our beauties just out of the bath.
译文2：On the uneven surface of the pond, all one could see was a mass of leaves, all interlaced and shooting high above the water like the skirts of slim dancing girls. The leaves were dotted in between the layers with white flowers, some blooming gracefully; others, as if bashfully, still in bud. They were like bright pearls and stars in an azure sky.
Winding stretch 形容出荷塘上水波粼粼的感觉与荷 叶自然生长的很强生命力。
Uneven 一般形容小路，墙壁不平坦，很单调，无法形容出朱先生所要表达的美的意境。
此处作者叠词的使用，相比之下，译文1中的winding stretch 较好，能体现出作者所心里想要表达的那种意境美。
曲曲折折的
曲曲折折的荷塘上面，弥望的是田田的叶子。叶子出水很高，像亭亭的舞女的裙。层层的叶子中间，零星地点缀着些白花，有袅娜地开着的，有羞涩地打着朵儿的；正如一粒粒的 明珠，又如碧天里的星星，又如刚出浴的美人。
译文1：All over this winding stretch of water, what meets the eye is a silken field of leaves, reaching rather high above the surface. like the skirts ef dancing girls in all their grace. Here and there, layers of leaves are dotted with white lotus blossoms, some in demure bloom, others in shy bud, like scattering pearls, or twinkling stars, our beauties just out of the bath.
译文2：On the uneven surface of the pond, all one could see was a mass of leaves, all interlaced and shooting high above the water like the skirts of slim dancing girls. The leaves were dotted in between the layers with white flowers, some blooming gracefully; others, as if bashfully, still in bud. They were like bright pearls and stars in an azure sky.
弥望的是田田的叶子
译文1：what meets the eye is a silken field of leaves
译文2：all one could see was a mass of leaves
② Field: a large area of land covered with the thing mentioned; an area from which the thing mentioned is obtained(覆盖…的成有…的)大片地方
Mass: a large amount of a substance that does not have a definite shape or form(团、块、堆)
Field有大片的意思，更能够描绘出成片荷叶的生长。 Mass有团、块等的意思，一般形容一堆积雪和石块。
且： field前有 silken一词。而silken有光滑柔软的，似丝绸般发亮的意思，把荷叶叶面上的光滑体现得淋漓尽致，让人不自觉地想起一颗颗露珠在荷叶上跳动。
③ 对弥望的理解：meets the eye 形象地翻译出了弥望的意思，是景物映入眼前。而see则没有那种意境。See是特意去看，没有meets the eye用得好。
④亭亭的
Grace: an attractive quality of movement that is smooth, elegant and controlled(优美，优雅)
Slim: thin, in a way that is attractive(苗条的，纤细的)
Grace形容出了舞女舞姿的优雅，而 slim单纯是纤细的意思，它只能形容一个瘦弱的舞女，并不能体现其舞姿优美，就失去了原文的意境美。
叶子出水很高，像亭亭的舞女的裙。层层的叶子中间，零星地点缀着些白花，有袅娜地开着的，有羞涩地打着朵儿的
译文1： reaching rather high above the surface. like the skirts ef dancing girls in all their grace. Here and there, layers of leaves are dotted with white lotus blossoms, some in demure bloom, others in shy bud.
译文2： all interlaced and shooting high above the water like the skirts of slim dancing girls. The leaves were dotted in between the layers with white flowers, some blooming gracefully; others, as if bashfully, still in bud.
⑤对于白花的理解：王椒升翻译成white flower太直译了，朱纯深运用了意译的手法使用lotus blossoms描写出了一束束荷花盛开的景象。
有袅娜地开着的，有羞涩地打着朵儿的
译文1：some in demure bloom, others in shy bud.
译文2：some blooming gracefully; others as if bashfully, still in bud.
⑥译文1 语言简洁，句构节奏体现了散文语体特征，所以较好。
⑦两个译本均采用明喻取代通感，通过视觉来表达基本效果。
⑧文章多处运用叠词，如（曲曲折折的，田田的，亭亭的，层层的）不仅准确而传神地渲染和强化了诗情画意，而且节奏明朗，韵律协调，富有音乐美。
①明喻及通感
译1drifting from a
distant运用了头韵
的修辞手法，它使
读者感到莲花的动态
美，译2翻译的不太
理想。翻译的过长、
甚至降低了通感的
程度。
②在汉语译本中，四个汉字会加快韵律。读者能看到并感受到其
震颤，正如汉字译本中的韵律一样，在译1里也有四个重音节。翻
译能给读者视觉和感觉上的强烈感觉。在译2中，作者将四个音节
挑战到九个，这使得句子速度变得更加的慢，故译一要比译二处
理得当，
微风过处，送来缕缕清香，仿佛远处高楼上渺茫的歌声似的。这时候叶子与花也有一丝的颤动，像闪电般，霎时传过荷塘的那边去了。
译文1：A breeze stirs, sending over breaths of fragrance, like faint singing drift- ing from a distant building. At this moment, a tiny thrill shoots through the leaves and flowers, like a streak of lightning, straight across the forest of lotuses.
译文2：Their subtle fragrance was wafted by the passing breeze, in whiffs airy as he notes of a song coming faintly from some distant tower. There was a tremor on leaf and flower, which, with the suddenness of lightning, soon drifted to the far end of the pond.
①Shed: to let sth fall
to drop sth(使落下,
使掉下)
Flow: (of liquid, gas
or electricity) to
move steadily and
continuouslyin one
direction(流,流动)
Shed没有体现文章
的美感意思很直白,
flow只是描写了流动
的动作,没有太多的
意思,此处,我觉得用
cascaded更好.
Cascaded: a large
amount of water
Falling or pouring
down(倾泻流注)
Eg:water cascaded
down the mountain
side.Cascaded体现了
月光如流水般的美感
让读者有如身临其境.
月光如流水一般，静静地泻在这一片叶子和花上。薄薄的青雾浮起在荷塘里。叶子和花仿佛在牛乳中洗过一样；又像笼着轻纱的梦。
译文1：The moon sheds her liquid light silently over the leaves and flowers, which, in the floating transparency of a bluish haze from the pond, look as if they had just been bathed in milk, or like a dream wrapped in a gauzy hood.
泽文2：Moonlight was flowing quietly like a stream down to the leaves and flowers. A light mist overspread the lotus pond. Leaf and flower seemed washed in milk.
②Sliently: without speaking, without making any or much sound,
with a sing words or sounds.
Quietly: to speak I more quietly.
Silently和quietly仅仅指安静的意思，没有话语的安静。此处用tranquil
更恰当。
Tranquil: quiet and peaceful.安静的，平静的，安宁的。
Eg:the tranquil waters of the lake. Tranquil表现出了安静，平和的美
感，更深入文章的情感。
③Haze:air that is
difficult to see
through because it
contains very small
drops of water,
Especially.薄雾
Mist: a cloud of very
small drops of water
in the air just above
caused by hot
weather. The ground
that make it difficult
to see.薄雾，水气
Haze 有水汽的意思，
一般上由水气引起的薄
雾，而mist就是指薄雾
准确而贴切。
④Float: to move slowly on water or in the air.浮动，漂流，飘动，飘移
pond: a small area of still water, especially one that is artificial 池塘
（尤指人工的）
Wrap: to cover sth/sb in material, to cover sth completely in a paper
Or other material; to put sth firmly around sth/sb.包裹、覆盖
月光如流水一般，静静地泻在这一片叶子和花上。薄薄的青雾浮起在荷塘里。叶子和花仿佛在牛乳中洗过一样；又像笼着轻纱的梦。
译文1：The moon sheds her liquid light silently over the leaves and flowers, which, in the floating transparency of a bluish haze from the pond, look as if they had just been bathed in milk, or like a dream wrapped in a gauzy hood.
泽文2：Moonlight was flowing quietly like a stream down to the leaves and flowers. A light mist overspread the lotus pond. Leaf and flower seemed washed in milk.
①a film of: a thin layer of sth, usually on the surfall of the else 薄薄的一层
Pale: light in colour; containing a lot of white 浅色的；淡色的
②bright: full of light; shining strongly 光线充足的；明亮的
Brilliant: (of light or colours 光线或色彩) very bright 明亮的；鲜艳的
③profound: very great; felt or experienced very strongly 巨大的；深切的；深远的
Refresh: to make sb feel less tried or less hot 使恢复精力，使凉爽
虽然是满月，天上却有一层淡淡的云，所以不能朗照；但我以为这恰是到了好处——酣眠固不可少，小睡也别有风味的。
译文1：Although it is a full moon, shining through a film of clouds, the light is not at its brightest; it is, however, just right for me - a profound sleep is indispensable, yet a snatched doze also has a savour of its own.
译文2：It was a full moon, but a pale cloud hanging over head made it lose some of its brilliance
戴乃迭：though the moon was full, a film of pale clouds in the sky would not allow its rays to shine through brightly; but I felt this was all to the good--- though refreshing sleep is indispensable, short naps have a charm all their own..
④ indispensable: essential; too important to be without 必露的；不可或缺的
⑤snatch: to take or get sth quickly, especially because you do not have much time抓紧时间做；成绩获得
虽然是满月，天上却有一层淡淡的云，所以不能朗照；但我以为这恰是到了好处——酣眠固不可少，小睡也别有风味的。
译文1：Although it is a full moon, shining through a film of clouds, the light is not at its brightest; it is, however, just right for me - a profound sleep is indispensable, yet a snatched doze also has a savour of its own.
译文2：It was a full moon, but a pale cloud hanging over head made it lose some of its brilliance
戴乃迭：though the moon was full, a film of pale clouds in the sky would not allow its rays to shine through brightly; but I felt this was all to the good--- though refreshing sleep is indispensable, short naps have a charm all their own.
⑥Doze: a short period of sleep, usually during the day(通常日间的)瞌睡
Nap: a short sleep, especially deering the day(日间的)小睡，打盹
⑦Savour: to enjoy a feeling or an experience throughly 体会；体味；享受
savour of sth(no passive) to seem to have an amount of sth especially sth bad 意味着；有点---的味道（尤其指坏事）
Charm: a feature or quality that is pleasing or attractive迷人的特征；吸引人的特征。
讲解：
因为王的译文采用了省略法，故此处添加了戴乃迭的译文以供比较。
“酣眠”比喻朗照，“小睡”比喻淡淡的云遮住了满月的意境。这种朦胧柔和的恬淡的正符合作者此时的心境，所以说“恰到了好处”。
译文中“天上却有一层淡淡的云”朱与戴同用了“ a film of ” 而王用了“ pale ”. 根据原文意思“ a film of ” 更忠实于原文。
译文中“不能朗照”朱用了(the light is not at its brightest);
王用了(lose some of its brilliance);
戴用了(not allow its rays to shine through brightly)
根据我对原文的理解，因为满月被云层包围所以月光不能透射出来，所以此处戴的翻译俱佳。
“酣眠固不可少，小睡也别有风味的”
朱：a profound sleep is indispensable, yet a snatched doze also has a savour of its own.
王： 省略了这一句的翻译
戴：though refreshing sleep is indispensable, short naps have a
charm all their own.
这里的“酣眠”应强调睡眠的深度，故朱体现 了这一程度，而“小睡也别有风味”应指其小睡的韵味，散文的韵味主要表现在语言的声响和节奏，作品的意境和氛围与作者个性化的话语方式三方面，故戴的译文体现 了这一特点。
总结：翻译的标准体现在艺术地再现原文的思想内容和语言形式两个方面，译文中朱最忠实于中文原文而戴则结合了中西方文化，而王的译本有些欠缺，尤其在结构上采用了省咯法。
①stream：(of liquid or gas) to move or pour out in a continuous flow; to produce a continuous flow of liquid or gas.牛津高阶英汉双解词典 第六版 p1744
Glow：(especially of sth hot or warm 尤指热的物体)to produce a dull, steady light发出微弱而稳定的光
综上所述，streaming down 给人的感觉更加贴切，月光如流水一样，很有意境美，此处用同感使得译文再现原文美
月光是隔了树照过来的，高处丛生的灌木，落下参差的斑驳的黑影，峭楞楞如鬼一般；弯弯的杨柳的稀疏的倩影，却又像是画在荷叶上。
译文1： The moonlight is streaming down through the foliage, casting bushy shadows on the ground from high above, dark and check ered, like an army of ghosts; whereas the begin figures of the drooping (头、树枝等)低垂willows, here and there, look like paintings on the Io tus leaves.
译文2: Moonlight was glowing from behind the trees, and the dense shrubs above cast down gloomy ghost-like shadows of arching willows were like a picture etched on the lotus leaves.
月光是隔了树照过来的，高处丛生的灌木，落下参差的斑驳的黑影，峭楞楞如鬼一般；弯弯的杨柳的稀疏的倩影，却又像是画在荷叶上。
译文1： The moonlight is streaming down through the foliage, casting bushy shadows on the ground from high above, dark and check ered, like an army of ghosts; whereas the begin figures of the drooping (头、树枝等)低垂willows, here and there, look like paintings on the Io tus leaves.
译文2: Moonlight was glowing from behind the trees, and the dense shrubs above cast down gloomy ghost-like shadows of arching willows were like a picture etched on the lotus leaves.
② whereas 译文用了个转折词，whereas用于陈述相反的话，引出表示对比、对立或直接相反（Direct Opposition）的状语从句，whereas引导的从句与主句在意义上不仅是对立和相反的，而且也是并列的。(冠伦教育－名师答疑－薄冰教授、司树森教授)
of 是名词所属格，表示所有关系。表示“...的,属于”
文中前半部分讲的是给人的感觉有点阴森，后面描述的是一幅画的景色，两者之间存在着转折关系，译文2忽略这一点综上所述，朱纯深的比较好。
塘中的月色并不均匀；但光与影有着和谐的旋律,如梵婀玲上奏着的名曲。
译文1：The moonlight is not spread evenly over the pond, but rather in a harmonious rhythm of light and shade, like a famous melody played on a violin.
译文2：Uneven as was the moonlight over the pond, there was a harmony between light and shade, rhythmic as a well-known melody played on the violin.
①as :used to describe sb/sth appearing to be sb/sth else；used to describe the fact that sb/sth has particular job or function (OALED)
Like: similar to sb/sth ；used to show what is ususl or typical for sb (OALED)
朱纯深用的like更适合此句话，因为like是说有相似点，就是说那种感觉就像梵啊玲上的名曲
②Spread over: to open sth that has been folded so that it covers a large area than before ；to separate sth into parts and divide them between different times/people. (OALED)
Uneven over: not level, smooth, flat；not following regular pattern ,not having a regular size and shape (OALED)
王椒升的译本更好，因为据解释，uneven over是表示层次不齐的特点，而只是说明范围很大，并没有体现不均匀的特色
塘中的月色并不均匀；但光与影有着和谐的旋律,如梵婀玲上奏着的名曲。
译文1：The moonlight is not spread evenly over the pond, but rather in a harmonious rhythm of light and shade, like a famous melody played on a violin.
译文2：Uneven as was the moonlight over the pond, there was a harmony between light and shade,rhythmic as a well-known melody played on the violin.
③but rather in a harmonious rhythm of light and shade
there was a harmony between light and shade,rhythmic
译文1注重了转折，而译文2只是个there be句型但并没有转折的意思，原文本身的意思是但光与影有着和谐的旋律，所有译文1更能体现原文本来的意思。
塘中的月色并不均匀；但光与影有着和谐的旋律,如梵婀玲上奏着的名曲。
译文1：The moonlight is not spread evenly over the pond, but rather in a harmonious rhythm of light and shade, like a famous melody played on a violin.
译文2：Uneven as was the moonlight over the pond, there was a harmony between light and shade,rhythmic as a well-known melody played on the violin.
Thank you