Unit 13 We’re trying to save the earth 写作后的修改与评价 课件（共18张PPT）

(共18张PPT)
Evaluate and correct
（评价与修改）
Environmental protection
垃圾分类是指按照一定的标准将垃圾分类储存、分类投放和分类搬运，从而转变成为公共资源的一项活动。
Group A：可回收垃圾 Group B： 厨余垃圾
Group C: 其他垃圾 Group D: 有害垃圾
每位同学回答对一道问题，就可以上来选择一张卡片，将卡片正确投入自己的垃圾箱得1分，投入错误扣1分。
Group Competition
1
Find out the high lights and problems
in our writing.
Focus on writing problems of structures, contents, languages and expressions.
Improve our writing ability by evaluating
and correcting with groups.
Learning aims
2
3
Self-feedback自我反馈
1.
Self-analysis
Style The style of my composition is .
Target reader My letter is written to , so it should be_____________ (formal or casual)
Content The contents of my writing mainly include
Key point The key point is .
Person & Tense I mostly used person and tense in my writing.
Words The number of words is around .
品读作文，再现“心路历程”
Title
自然环境与我们的日常生活息息相关，随着环境污染的愈加严重,《21世纪中学生英语报》组织了一次“给市长写一封信”的征文活动。
Write a letter to your city mayor to give some suggestions for environmental problems.
Use the following points as a reference:
* What's the problem
* What caused the problem
* How to solve the problem
注意：字数不少于 80词。
文体
目标读者
写作目标
写作内容
人称：第一人称为主
时态：一般现在时为主
重审题目，明确写作要求
自我评价，逐条修改完善
I think my composition is (excellent/ good/ average)
I make mistake in
Self-analysis
Style The style of my composition is .
Target reader My letter is written to .So it should be _____________(formal or casual)
Content The content of my writing mainly includes
Key point The key point is .
Person & Tense I mostly used person and tense in my writing.
Words The number of words is around .
The evaluation standard for an excellent composition
优秀作文的评价标准？
2.Discuss
美文标准的四维度
S
C
E
L
· 格式正确
· 详略得当
· 逻辑清晰
Structure
· 书写工整
· 开篇点题
· 内容贴题
Content
Expression
· 语气恰当
· 符合读者身份
· 实用合理有创造性
Language
·标点、大小写、拼写
·主谓一致
·词语贴切
·句式多样
·无“中式英语”
Dear mayor,
I have some suggestions about our city pollution. Here are my opinions.
Some rivers are dirty in our city. Even the bottom of the rivers are full of rubbish. People throw litter into the rivers so that there are no more fish for fishmen to catch. I think you should develop laws about water pollution. I think another problem is that the air is badly polluted. I think that roads have more cars. Factories that burn coal also pollute the air with a lot of black smoke.
I think we should take the bus or ride a bike , we shouldn't drive cars.
There are my advice. I believe that our city will become more and more beautiful.
Yours，
Amy
格式正确，结构完整。内容详略安排不够得当，未能突出重点。
建议使用逻辑词使文章逻辑更清晰。
语言简练，词语运用恰当，无语法错误。
书写工整，卷面整洁。写作目的明确，开篇点题，内容齐全并且紧贴题目。
句意通顺，使用了被动语态，so that,I believe that等句式，但提建议部分的句式单一，建议适当使用更多样、复杂的句式。
表达不地道，有“中式英语”
可以在文章开头或末尾加入恰当的寒暄语,以表达对市长的敬意。
本文共有两条建议。第一条建议符合目标读者身份，但语气不够委婉，并且缺少针对性，不够具体。
第二条建议未能考虑目标读者市长的身份。
On the one hand,
On the other hand,
take the bus or ride a bike instead of driving cars
//
How/What about...
Why don't you/ Why not do ...
I wonder if you could...
You'd better ...
Shall we ..
Would you like to ...
could/should/ be supposed to/ ought to
There are more cars on the roads.
It's my great honor if you take my advice.
首先：to begin with/ first of all
并列：at the same time/then/besides/what's more/more importantly/last but not least
转折：although/however/but
结束：at last/finally/in a word
I’m sorry to trouble you.
Peer feedback同伴反馈
3.
Evaluate the composition according to the checklist in your group.
Then give some suggestions to make it better.
Tips: One of the students should record the suggestions on the first draft.
Group work
5.
Presentation
成果展示
4.
Appreciate the well-written composition
范文赏析
Dear Mayor,
I'm sorry to trouble you. But with the development of the society, the environmental problems in our city are becoming more and more serious. As a citizen, I feel like to giving some advice.
Lately, Cars have made the air unhealthy for people to breathe. Black smoke and poisonous gas are given off by factories. Factories also put waste into the river.
To reduce the pollution, It's a great idea to make known to people the danger of pollution. Secondly, I wonder if the governments could close down some factories and develop laws to stop factories from pouring waste warter. Last but not least, why don't we encourage people to take public transportation Of course, the increasing number of private car also should be limited.
I hope the problem will be solved in the near future and our home will become better and better.
Yours,
Amy
The most useful way of writing a better passage is to edit it again and again.
好文章是改出来的。
--鲁迅
Homework
1.Finish Correcting your composition with your group members.
2.Sort out different revision opinions and hand in the final draft tomorrow.
Thank you