外研版Module4 写作培优指导：The Future Life（WORD版）

写作培优指导：The Future Life
写作任务:
科技的突飞猛进令人们的日常生活日新月异,那些出现在科幻小说中的情节真实地发生在我们身上,如闹钟枕头、机器佣人、神奇镜子、环保建筑等。请你发挥想象力,以"One Day in 2050"为题,写一篇短文,参加某英文报社举办的"畅想未来"的征文活动。
要求:1. 想象合理丰富；2. 词数在120-150左右。
分析:
一、通过分析题目要求可知,这篇作文要求发挥想象力,畅想人类2050年的生活,属于开放性记叙文。这类作文具有创新性、灵活性、发散性的特点。它不但考查学生在内容、结构安排、语言组织和运用方面的能力,而且还考查学生的想象力、创新力和发散思维的能力。开放性作文的立意要深要新,这就要求学生尽可能从多角度思考问题,多中选稳,稳中选优,优中选深,深中选新。另外开放性作文的话题比较宽泛,因此你可以围绕自己最熟悉的材料,选择最佳、最小的切入点,选择自己最擅长的词汇和句型来表达内容。
二、本文的写作思路如下:
1、确定文章的写作顺序。记叙文的写作可以时间推移为顺序,也可以空间的转换为依据展开。
2、发挥想象力。文章既可以介绍未来人类一天的生活,包括衣食住行等方面的变化,也可以就某个具体事件展开想象进行叙述。需要注意的是即使叙述对象是一天的生活,也应主次分明。抓住最有特征的一点深入描写要比流水帐式的汇报更能体现主题,给读者留下深刻印象。
3、语言表达方面,字里行间须能体现未来生活的舒适、快捷、方便。注意叙述要条理清楚,时间的推进和地点的转换要注意自然过渡,可使用表示时间和地点的关联词。
初稿:
After getting up, people eat something that is like pills for breakfast, which helps people to enjoy a healthier and longer life. They go to work by car and the car can use the GPS to confirm the place where they want to go. The traffic is no longer heavy and people have the motorbikes that can fly. They can ride them above the normal road through the buildings. While working, people work on the computer using their brain and just using their hands to push buttons. The company or the factory is full of machines but few people watch them. That is the automatic age. They spend more time focusing on developing high technology in order to live better and feel more comfortable.
After work, they return to their houses which are located on a floating island. With robots doing all the housework, people have enough time to relax, take exercise, travel and communicate with their family.
教师点评:
1. 文章的优点:初稿的文章符合题意,中心突出,内容丰富。过渡语和连接词的使用使文章的表达显得流畅自然。2. 文章待改进之处:
1) 综观文章内容,是对人类未来衣食住行各个方面的想象,虽然每个方面作者都进行了比较充分而详尽的想象,但这种平均用力的方法使文章
缺乏重点。如果能在面面俱到的前提下抓住一两点着重描写则会使文章
更加出彩。
2) 全文人称都用people来指称,虽然不错,但过于概括,不如给文章一个具体的
人物主角显得更加生动、形象、有说服力。
3) 想象还应更大胆些、丰富些,体现出高科技在未来生活中的重要作用,
想到别人所想不到的方面,以更新颖的角度展望未来生活。
成稿:
As on any Monday morning, Daniel wakes up with the opening of the automat-ic curtains. He puts on his high-tech clothes made of liquid. He eats something that looks like a pill for breakfast, which keeps him healthier and helps him live a longer life. After that, Daniel rides his "green"car powered by solar energy to work. Since it is the first day of the week, it seems that Daniel is a bit busy. He has to meet his customers using online communication devices and also needs to finish some other work with the help of a computer. Soon it is lunch time. He takes out an automatic pet dog and tells it something. Fifteen minutes later, the pet dog brings him a meal from the restaurant downstairs and a cup of coffee.
After work, he returns to his house on a floating island. With robots doing all the housework, Daniel has time to relax, exercise and most importantly, communicate with his family.
Powerful sentences:
1. Thanks to the Internet, people can do shopping at home and have a medical examination without going to the hospital.
2. In the future, everybody will carry a pocket computer, which will know the answer to any question you might have.
3. They will be able to fly to the moon in a spaceship and spend their holidays there talking with astronauts.
4. Robots will be popular and they will do what people don’t want to do.