2023届高考英语复习写作专项：例析读后续写题丢分现象诊断及提升策略 讲义

例析读后续写题丢分现象诊断 讲义
I.原题重现
【题目】
阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
Yoghurt
It was a rough week. The price of oil skyrocketed(猛增) as the temperature dropped sharply in Maine. We were looking at a high of eight degrees that week, and I had missed three days of work so my paycheck was going to be lower than normal. I was stressed, to say the least. I shopped strategically(有策略地), looking for every possible way to cut pennies so I could buy groceries and keep the house warm.
My eight-year-old son didn't understand when I told him we were struggling that week. He wanted a special kind of yoghurt, but I didn't have the extra three dollars to buy it for him. It was the kind of yoghurt with a cartoon kid riding a skateboard on the front of the box, and a mere two spoonfuls in each cup. It was the kind of product that wastes a parent's money and makes me hate advertising.
I felt guilty as a parent when those big eyes looked at me with confusion, as if to say, "It’s just yoghurt. What’s the big deal " So I found a way. I put something back as single mothers often do. He got his yoghurt.
On the way driving back from the grocery store, I noticed a homeless man holding a sign by the side of the road. My heart hurt, and I tried not to look at him. I watched people stay away from him on the street and walk by without even meeting his eyes. My son didn’t seem to care much, either. I looked at the man closely then— bare hands grasping a piece of cardboard, snot(鼻涕)frozen to his face, a worn-out jacket. And there I was struggling because I had to buy oil and groceries. But I decided to help him. I pulled over to the man and handed him a five-dollar bill.
注意：
1.续写词数应为 150 左右。
2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Seeing this, my son became confused and surprised.______________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
On that day, my son performed an act that most adults wouldn’t have done. ______________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
【参考答案】
Seeing this, my son became confused and surprised. “Mum, why are you so generous to this stranger while so mean to me when I asked for a yoghurt ” I explained that if we were blind to the poor man’s situation he would be freezing. He didn’t have a home or food to eat after all. We could spare five dollars even if we were financially stressed. Finally my son nodded and fixed his eyes on his yoghurt.
On that day, my son performed an act that most adults wouldn’t have done. He took his yoghurt and handed it to the man outside his window. Even if it was a matter of a few spoonfuls of yoghurt, it was all he had, and he gave it to someone who needed it more than he wanted it. He showed me that I am doing well as a mother. There are always blessings to count if we open our eyes, and we always have the opportunity to be a blessing to someone else.
II.对于丢分项目的梳理与反思
I)写作策略的错误
01 思维流
读后续写要求所续写的文章部分与已给文章部分在思维流上一脉相承、一气呵成，不存在主题上、思维上的生硬或脱落。时间线、地点线、情感线等能得到自然顺畅、合乎情理地延伸与承递，直至主题思想的达成。落地到写作中，考生应该让阅卷老师清晰地看出故事发展的明线和暗线。考生千万不能为了凑字数胡写一气；考生的笔下应该有明晰的写作方向---主题意义的达成。”
具体到题目这篇文章，我们可以将文章的思维脉络梳理为：
1.为了节省开支"我"勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→孩子内心受到触动→儿子将酸奶给了那位无家可归的人→作者做"正能量"点题---并不富裕的人仍可以活出高境界，知足常乐，乐于助人，成为别人的恩赐。
2.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→孩子内心受到触动→儿子回家卖了所有玩具，募捐钱款帮助这个无家可归的人。
条条道路通罗马是美丽的谎言，对于我们个人而言，通往成功的路只有一两条。读后续写的归宿更是如此。
#典型错误案例梳理
◎逻辑反常
a.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→质问妈妈原因→反问妈妈为什么不多给流浪汉一点钱。
b.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→孩子内心受到触动→儿子说不买酸奶了，把准备买酸奶的三美元捐给了那位无家可归的人。
c.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→表扬流浪汉精神可佳。
d.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"问流浪汉为什么离家出走，到底经历了什么。
◎时间线的错位
a.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→我们陷入经济困境→无家可归的人归还5美元纸币，解释说他已找到工作→一切终将重归美好。
b.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→流浪汉答谢"我"，"我"鼓励流浪汉→儿子埋怨没钱，"我"劝儿子要有爱心→儿子将酸奶给了那位无家可归的人→母子收到流浪汉的一箱答谢酸奶。
c.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→后来收到了流浪汉的感谢信。
d.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→儿子把面包给了无家可归的人→"我"生气与孩子吵嘴→孩子比大人更能让世界变得温暖。
e.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→我刻苦工作→终于给儿子买了酸奶。
◎故事人物的误增/误减
a.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→那天后，儿子不再要酸奶了，时常帮助我照顾小店，好好学习。(流浪汉消失)
b.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→那天后，儿子不再跟我去杂货店购物，把时间省下来清理社区卫生，将社区建设得更加美好。(流浪汉消失)
c.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→孩子内心受到触动→从此后儿子不再要酸奶。(流浪汉消失)
d.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→孩子内心受到触动→儿子跳到河里拯救溺水儿童。(流浪汉消失)
e.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→"我"的坏心情消失→"我"要帮助更多的人。
(儿子和流浪汉均消失)
f.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→回家找爸爸评理。(爸爸横空出世)
◎叙事的空洞
a.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→"我们"母子一起回家→如果懂得施舍，世界将更加美好。
b.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→那天后，儿子长大了，当遇见需要帮助的人就会伸出援助之手。
c.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→孩子内心受到触动→当天下午没回家而是去捡塑料瓶→儿子立志做个乐于助人、贡献社会的人。
d.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→孩子内心受到触动→当天下午没回家而是去捡塑料瓶→儿子立志做个乐于助人、贡献社会的人。
e.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→孩子内心受到触动→我诉说人生大道理。
02 技术流
◎动作描写
◎心理描写
◎表情描写
◎对话描写
◎画蛇添足的环境描写
The sky became dark.
The weather was bad.
The sky also became dark.
03 关键词解读流
第二段开头句是这样的，On that day, my son performed an act that most adults wouldn’t have done.
不少考生对第二段开头这句话不理解或曲解，因而导致续写偏题。
#典型错误案例梳理
◎对故事关键物件识别不清晰
把故事中的"酸奶"与"汽油及杂货"混淆。
◎对故事人物识别不清晰
把故事中的"妈妈"当作"爸爸"。
把故事中的"无家可归的男人"当作"无家可归的女人"。
◎对"On that day, my son performed an act that most adults wouldn’t have done."这句话避而不谈，执着地按照自己想法去写
a.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→流浪汉生气了，把钱扔了回来→儿子后悔了，追上去送钱。
◎将perform an act解读为"表演节目"
a.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→孩子内心受到触动→儿子展示表演才艺筹集欠款→我为儿子感到骄傲。
b.勉强地给孩子买了一份昂贵的酸奶→"我"看到一位无家可归的流浪汉递给他5美元纸币→孩子看见后感到惊讶与不解→"我"教育孩子要有同情心和助人为乐精神→流浪汉露天表演呼吁人们关注穷人。
II)英语基础薄弱
#典型错误案例梳理
◎对动词过去时使用不敏感
I run to him, and help him
So my son ask me.
Then I tell to my son that we need help others.
◎对动词过去时/过去分词掌握不牢固
Seeing this, my son becomed confused and surprised.
The sky become dark.
I heared the knock on the door.
I known he was angry.
I standed up and said.
Then he catched my hand.
My son hitted his head.
◎动词时态前后不一致
My face got red, because I don't know how to explain his question.
◎对助动词掌握不牢固
I didn't known why I gave him the money.
Why are you give him money
◎对系动词掌握不牢固
My son seemed understood my words.
◎对形容词掌握不牢固
I moved.
You are so kindly.
◎对情态动词掌握不牢固
You should to try your best to help them.
He may thought about something about that man.
◎对词性掌握不牢固
I was surprise.
My behave was strange for him.
◎对人称单复数掌握不牢固
She take me to the market.
◎对疑问句掌握不牢固
Why you help him
Why you give him a bill
Why you give this man five dollars
Why he was poor
◎语法使用混乱
After we left and on the road to another store.
◎动词短语使用错误
When I looked to my son, ...
He didn't look me.
◎动词谓语/非谓语使用混淆
Think for minutes later, I told my son ...
◎中文式表达
I noticed my son changed.
Why do you do the behavior
Why I wanted a special kind of yoghurt, but you didn't buy it for me
If you don't give him, I can get two cups of yoghurt.
He don't understand, and I was don't said.
He like understand something.
So I took my son left.
◎不知所云
My mind return this thing and I realized something happened.