-2024届苏锡常镇四市高三一模卷英语应用文为“中华文化世界影响力”创意短视频大赛 讲义
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| 名称 | -2024届苏锡常镇四市高三一模卷英语应用文为“中华文化世界影响力”创意短视频大赛 讲义 |  | |
| 格式 | docx | ||
| 文件大小 | 23.0KB | ||
| 资源类型 | 教案 | ||
| 版本资源 | 通用版 | ||
| 科目 | 英语 | ||
| 更新时间 | 2024-04-06 21:57:03 | ||
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应用文
假定你是李华，下个月你准备参加主题为“中华文化世界影响力”的学校创意短视频大赛，目前缺一些素材，请写一封邮件给你的英国笔友John求助。内容包括:
1、写信目的;
2、素材要求。
注意:
1、写作词数应为80左右;
2、请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Dear John,
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Looking forward to your reply.
Yours sincerely,
Li Hua
下面是某同学的考场作文：
Dear John,
I'm writing to seek help from you since I'm going to take part in our school's short videos competition next month which focuses on the global influence of Chinese culture. Nevertheless, I am still lacking in materials currently and would you mind offering me some help
My video mainly emphasizes the positive images and remarkable solutions culture transmission provides which still needs some materials centering on the stunning essence applied in any aspects around the world. Moreover, proofs showing ancestors' keen observation and striking imagination are also required which can add some color to the variety of the video.
I'd appreciate it if you could offer me your genuine help and undoubtedly it'll be helpful.
Looking forward to your reply.
Yours sincerely,
Li Hua
下水文分析：
该同学的考场作文 了一个较高的分数。从卷面书写、内容要点和谋篇布局三个方面来看，完成度非常好。从词汇、句型、语法的运用情况来看，她的语言功底扎实，愿意表达努力表达尽力表达的主观意愿非常强烈。
下面，就三个问题分享个人的意见与建议，给陈同学的文章锦上添花，以助力其在写作上更进一步：
句式复杂繁琐。本文中非谓语、从句的使用频繁，尤以第二段划线句子最为突出。复杂的句式的确可能让阅卷者对考生的语言能力留下肯定的印象，从而抬高起评分，但是，要注意，句式绝非越长越好、越复杂越好，如若同学们写着写着把自己绕进去了，反而弄巧成拙。
语言略显硬冷。本文是“我”写给笔友的求助信，以解决视频素材短缺问题，属于非正式书信。
非正式程度的拿捏(the appropriate level of informality)；
书信中随意的谈话般的语气(a casual and conversational tone)；
3)信息和感情的有效传递(an effective letter with both information and feeling)。然而，本文中的"lacking in", "proof", "require"等措辞，让语言偏正式，不符合与笔友书信交流情境下的语言特点，难免会让John读信时产生明显的距离感。
要点内容欠精准。初读此文，对"remarkable solutions culture transmission provides"、"stunning essence"和"proofs showing ancestors' keen observation and striking imagination"感到不解，再次细读，似乎能明白一二。但是，需要提醒的是，阅卷过程中很少有复读/再读的过程，这就要求我们同学必须精准无误地表达要点内容。关于“中华文化世界影响力”的素材要求，可以有两种思路：1）信中直接列举诸如传统节日、饮食、服装、中医等等领域，让John在寻找素材时更有针对性与方向感；2）直接告知John自己在做关于中华文化哪个具体方面(如中国饮食)的短视频，需要照片、视频、问卷、投票等等哪些方面的素材，这样的求助要求显然实现的可能性更大效率更高。
综上所述，尝试将陈同学的这篇应用文作如下修改：
修改1: 书信开头增加简单寒暄。
"How’s everything going these days "是最常见的书信询问句式。By the way, 不知道同学们是否留意过，应用文写作经常在“注意”事项中会列出“可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯”这条提醒。由于“我”和John是经常交流的笔友，彼此比较了解，在此，小榜大胆建议在书信开头寒暄时可以加入细节询问"How are you getting along with your photography lessons "， 为后面索要照片/视频素材打下伏笔，使其求助更顺理成章。
修改2：写信目的和活动主题的介绍要言简意赅。
介绍活动主题/目的的常用句型有：
an activity with the theme of ...a themed activity aiming to ... / aimed at / intended to ...(如需了解更多句型，请回戳：自由追风、骑乐无穷 --- Chase the Wind)
I’m writing to ask for your help with material collection as I’ve signed up for our school’s short video competition with the theme of “the global influence of Chinese culture”.
修改3: 素材的要求更精准。
该同学的“素材要求”比较宽泛，没有明确的内容要求与形式要求，而且她似乎更想强调中华文化的精髓和中华文化创造者的智慧与想象力，小榜尝试修改如下：
Since my planned video mainly emphasizes the popularity and positivity of Chinese culture overseas, I need materials like photos, recordings or videos in aspects like Chinese food, Chinese medicine, and Chinese operas. Moreover, evidence showcasing ancestors' wisdom and imagination will be an added bonus to give my video more depth and meaning.
思路则更简单明了：
Since my short video will focus on the positive impact of Chinese medicine in the UK, I need photos and video footages of people practicing and experiencing acupuncture, massage, cupping, etc. And random responses from street people to my related questionnaire will surely add to the reliability of my video.
修改4: 告知时间并致谢。
The competition is due next month, and I’d appreciate it if you could help me as much as you can.
将短视频大赛的时间腾挪到信末，是一个小小心思，仅作参考。虽然“我”和John是笔友，倘若直接告知素材搜集的DDL终究有失礼貌。这种委婉的表达，想必聪明的John一看即懂。
参考范文1：
Dear John,
There’ll be a short video contest themed the worldwide influence of Chinese traditional culture next month in my school. I intend to take part in it. Would you please provide some related materials for me In these videos, you may show scenes of local people learning Chinese kung fu, traditional Chinese musical instruments and so on. You may also record people enjoying Chinese cuisine or seeing a doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine. I’ll be grateful for any help you can offer.
Looking forward to your reply.(86w)
Best regards,
Li Hua
参考范文2：
Dear Ben,
I hope this email finds you well. I'm reaching out to you because I'm in need of some assistance with an upcoming creative short video contest, whose theme is “The Impact of Chinese Culture on the World”.As an Englishman with a keen interest in different cultures, l believe your perspective could provide valuable insights to enrich my project.
Specifically, l would appreciate it if you could provide any short clips or photographs that demonstrate how local people celebrate Chinese festivals or learn traditional arts, such as calligraphy, Chinese painting or paper-cutting.Besides, some scenes of people adopt traditional medicine and practices like acupuncture, or savor Chinese cuisine are also compelling instances.
Thank you very much for considering my request, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.(129w)
Best regards
Li Hua
假定你是李华，下个月你准备参加主题为“中华文化世界影响力”的学校创意短视频大赛，目前缺一些素材，请写一封邮件给你的英国笔友John求助。内容包括:
1、写信目的;
2、素材要求。
注意:
1、写作词数应为80左右;
2、请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Dear John,
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Looking forward to your reply.
Yours sincerely,
Li Hua
下面是某同学的考场作文：
Dear John,
I'm writing to seek help from you since I'm going to take part in our school's short videos competition next month which focuses on the global influence of Chinese culture. Nevertheless, I am still lacking in materials currently and would you mind offering me some help
My video mainly emphasizes the positive images and remarkable solutions culture transmission provides which still needs some materials centering on the stunning essence applied in any aspects around the world. Moreover, proofs showing ancestors' keen observation and striking imagination are also required which can add some color to the variety of the video.
I'd appreciate it if you could offer me your genuine help and undoubtedly it'll be helpful.
Looking forward to your reply.
Yours sincerely,
Li Hua
下水文分析：
该同学的考场作文 了一个较高的分数。从卷面书写、内容要点和谋篇布局三个方面来看，完成度非常好。从词汇、句型、语法的运用情况来看，她的语言功底扎实，愿意表达努力表达尽力表达的主观意愿非常强烈。
下面，就三个问题分享个人的意见与建议，给陈同学的文章锦上添花，以助力其在写作上更进一步：
句式复杂繁琐。本文中非谓语、从句的使用频繁，尤以第二段划线句子最为突出。复杂的句式的确可能让阅卷者对考生的语言能力留下肯定的印象，从而抬高起评分，但是，要注意，句式绝非越长越好、越复杂越好，如若同学们写着写着把自己绕进去了，反而弄巧成拙。
语言略显硬冷。本文是“我”写给笔友的求助信，以解决视频素材短缺问题，属于非正式书信。
非正式程度的拿捏(the appropriate level of informality)；
书信中随意的谈话般的语气(a casual and conversational tone)；
3)信息和感情的有效传递(an effective letter with both information and feeling)。然而，本文中的"lacking in", "proof", "require"等措辞，让语言偏正式，不符合与笔友书信交流情境下的语言特点，难免会让John读信时产生明显的距离感。
要点内容欠精准。初读此文，对"remarkable solutions culture transmission provides"、"stunning essence"和"proofs showing ancestors' keen observation and striking imagination"感到不解，再次细读，似乎能明白一二。但是，需要提醒的是，阅卷过程中很少有复读/再读的过程，这就要求我们同学必须精准无误地表达要点内容。关于“中华文化世界影响力”的素材要求，可以有两种思路：1）信中直接列举诸如传统节日、饮食、服装、中医等等领域，让John在寻找素材时更有针对性与方向感；2）直接告知John自己在做关于中华文化哪个具体方面(如中国饮食)的短视频，需要照片、视频、问卷、投票等等哪些方面的素材，这样的求助要求显然实现的可能性更大效率更高。
综上所述，尝试将陈同学的这篇应用文作如下修改：
修改1: 书信开头增加简单寒暄。
"How’s everything going these days "是最常见的书信询问句式。By the way, 不知道同学们是否留意过，应用文写作经常在“注意”事项中会列出“可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯”这条提醒。由于“我”和John是经常交流的笔友，彼此比较了解，在此，小榜大胆建议在书信开头寒暄时可以加入细节询问"How are you getting along with your photography lessons "， 为后面索要照片/视频素材打下伏笔，使其求助更顺理成章。
修改2：写信目的和活动主题的介绍要言简意赅。
介绍活动主题/目的的常用句型有：
an activity with the theme of ...a themed activity aiming to ... / aimed at / intended to ...(如需了解更多句型，请回戳：自由追风、骑乐无穷 --- Chase the Wind)
I’m writing to ask for your help with material collection as I’ve signed up for our school’s short video competition with the theme of “the global influence of Chinese culture”.
修改3: 素材的要求更精准。
该同学的“素材要求”比较宽泛，没有明确的内容要求与形式要求，而且她似乎更想强调中华文化的精髓和中华文化创造者的智慧与想象力，小榜尝试修改如下：
Since my planned video mainly emphasizes the popularity and positivity of Chinese culture overseas, I need materials like photos, recordings or videos in aspects like Chinese food, Chinese medicine, and Chinese operas. Moreover, evidence showcasing ancestors' wisdom and imagination will be an added bonus to give my video more depth and meaning.
思路则更简单明了：
Since my short video will focus on the positive impact of Chinese medicine in the UK, I need photos and video footages of people practicing and experiencing acupuncture, massage, cupping, etc. And random responses from street people to my related questionnaire will surely add to the reliability of my video.
修改4: 告知时间并致谢。
The competition is due next month, and I’d appreciate it if you could help me as much as you can.
将短视频大赛的时间腾挪到信末，是一个小小心思，仅作参考。虽然“我”和John是笔友，倘若直接告知素材搜集的DDL终究有失礼貌。这种委婉的表达，想必聪明的John一看即懂。
参考范文1：
Dear John,
There’ll be a short video contest themed the worldwide influence of Chinese traditional culture next month in my school. I intend to take part in it. Would you please provide some related materials for me In these videos, you may show scenes of local people learning Chinese kung fu, traditional Chinese musical instruments and so on. You may also record people enjoying Chinese cuisine or seeing a doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine. I’ll be grateful for any help you can offer.
Looking forward to your reply.(86w)
Best regards,
Li Hua
参考范文2：
Dear Ben,
I hope this email finds you well. I'm reaching out to you because I'm in need of some assistance with an upcoming creative short video contest, whose theme is “The Impact of Chinese Culture on the World”.As an Englishman with a keen interest in different cultures, l believe your perspective could provide valuable insights to enrich my project.
Specifically, l would appreciate it if you could provide any short clips or photographs that demonstrate how local people celebrate Chinese festivals or learn traditional arts, such as calligraphy, Chinese painting or paper-cutting.Besides, some scenes of people adopt traditional medicine and practices like acupuncture, or savor Chinese cuisine are also compelling instances.
Thank you very much for considering my request, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.(129w)
Best regards
Li Hua