2024届高三英语二轮复习作文专项读后续写个人成长类 聪明人用铅笔刀打开手提箱 讲义
文档属性
| 名称 | 2024届高三英语二轮复习作文专项读后续写个人成长类 聪明人用铅笔刀打开手提箱 讲义 |  | |
| 格式 | docx | ||
| 文件大小 | 36.3KB | ||
| 资源类型 | 教案 | ||
| 版本资源 | 人教版（2019） | ||
| 科目 | 英语 | ||
| 更新时间 | 2024-04-08 15:01:24 | ||
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文档简介
阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。（续写的词数应为 150 左右。）
The director of one firm decided to delegate（授权）some of the work to his deputy（副手）. He needed a brave and intelligent person, as he was in his youth. There were three such worthy people in the firm, and he did not know who was the best candidate for the position. Then he decided to use some old wisdom and came up with a test.
He prepared three identical suitcases and put them on the table. He got the three young men to come to his office and said to them, “I have known you for years, and each of you is a good and devoted employee. I am grateful for all your hard work in all these years. Now I need one deputy to help me, but it is tough for me to make a choice. After lots of thinking, I decided to give you a test.” He pointed to the three suitcases on the table and said that the position would go to whoever passed the test.
He asked them to picture a situation in their mind: You come to a meeting with a very important and respectable client to sign a contract. The client is in a hurry and will not wait for long, and the contract must be signed right now. The contract is in the suitcase, but the keys are lost. There’s no time to search for the keys. You have a minute to open the suitcase with a penknife. Whoever does it first will be the new deputy director. The three men nodded and wanted to start, but the director stopped them. He said there was one more condition: If they take this challenge and fail to open the suitcase, then at the end of the year they will not receive their bonuses. Or they can give up the test and continue working as before, and receive the bonuses at the end of the year.
注意：
1．续写词数应为 150 左右；
2．请按如下格式在相应位置作答。
Two of the workers thought about it and decided they didn’t want to participate.
“Did you forget to lock them ” the guy asked in great surprise.
就阅卷而言，有两点：
第一点：线索的取舍
文章的两个线索：
He needed a brave and intelligent person, as he was in his youth.
You have a minute to open the suitcase with a penknife.
第一个线索指向本文的主题
第二个线索指向本文解决问题的途径
从阅卷看学生都能看到线索的，但提炼的程度各自不同：有同学认为文章主题是看谁intelligent，有的认为第一个线索应该提炼为determination。还有更多学生认为bonus也应该成为线索，最后两个人最后拿到了bonus，皆大欢喜。
出现这样的问题原因是：过度解读。从高考读后续写文章看，主题都是非常明显的，基本都是文章中直接出现的。
其次，线索的取舍不当。在很多次的阅卷中，我们发现学生不是不关注线索，而是过头了，举目望去，草木皆兵（线索）。实际上，我们的线索应该服务于表达主题的需要。与主题无关的不能称之为线索。譬如bonus就需要舍弃，和表达主人公的bravery是无关的。
第二点：提示句的分析
第二个提示句them有很强的提示性，指的是三个箱子，进而推测：第三个人把三个箱子都查看了一下。如果忽略了它，就意味着情节上的推测失当。阅卷中发现很多学生并没有注意到这点。
由于对线索you have a minute的疏忽，于是情节推测中遗漏了主人公的开锁过程和时间的限制之间的关联。
下面开始写作。在很长时间的实践过程中，越来越清晰认识到这点：能用最简洁的笔墨准确无误地表达出所构思好的情节就是最好的写作。就语言而言，适当用一些高中所学的语法结构（强调、非谓语、状语从句等）就能拿到20+的高分了。
而这条可能很多读者和我一开始一样并不是很认同，但是它确实是近年来高考阅卷的标准，所以笔者的平时训练也都是围绕这条规律。我们给学生这样说，也是让学生完全卸下思想的负担（譬如没有背诵一堆语料），把精力集中在看懂原文，捋清情节上。
下面基于这个原则开始写作：
Two of the workers thought about it and decided they didn’t want to participate.
衔接1：第三个人决定尝试。
中间：尝试的过程。
衔接2：发现箱子都没有锁。
“Did you forget to lock them ” the guy asked in great surprise.
衔接3：经理的回答
中间：插播另外两个人的羞愧
主题：第三个人拿到合同。
第二段本来都是经理的回答，但应试作文中，这样欠妥，需要创造一些元素作为互动。这在我前面的文章里也有说明。
第一段：
Two of the workers thought about it and decided they didn’t want to participate.
The third young employee said he wanted to have a try. The director started the stopwatch and pointed to the suitcase. The guy approached it, put the penknife to the lock and pressed it. But it wasn’t locked. He opened it and looked at the director in surprise. Then he checked the two other suitcases which also turned out to be unlocked. He couldn’t believe it.
这一段看起来非常简单，但清晰明了，而且也有动作细节描写。实际上这就是原文作者写的。如果我们不能给高分，那只能说我们对记叙文的鉴赏和写作可能有不小的误解。假如这种误解有很小可能的存在，接下来我对此进行润色，按照中国人的阅读鉴赏口味：无非就是从voice、expression、emotion（声音、表情、内心）三个角度来增加饱和度的细节。
第一段润色后：
“I wanted to have a try,” said the third young employee, his voice firm and calm.（从声音角度，独立主格）Nodding admiringly, the director started the stopwatch and pointed to the suitcase. （从表情角度，非谓语动词和副词作状语）The guy approached it, put the knife to the lock carefully and pressed it, only to find that it wasn’t locked.（对结果利用only to do...结构，这也是非常普遍的技巧）He opened it and looked at the director in surprise. Then he checked the two other suitcases which also turned out to be unlocked. He couldn’t believe it.
其它不作改变。增加部分是不是看起来好些了？这些已经非常足够了，千万不要再想着把后面的句子也拉长丰富处理，这样只是画蛇添足了。
“Did you forget to lock them ” the guy asked in great surprise.
“Are we going to start the test again ” The director smiled and shook his head, “This was the test. How often do we fail because we are afraid to even try You will get the job as my deputy, because you rely not only on what you see and hear, but also on your own strength and are not afraid to make an attempt.” The other two workers’ faces reddened with shame, regretting that they didn’t even give it a go.
这段范文也就是作者原文，语句用到了not only...but also，最后一句还用到了非谓语动词和表情描写。其实根本无需再润色处理了，也是英美小故事标准的语言风格。
但是基于我们应试的需要，更有可能有些不在一线教学的评卷老师认为这种语言太low了，于是我们需要根据中国人的品味进行一些调整。
“Are we going to start the test again ” There was a big question mark in his eyes. (从expression的eye角度） The director smiled and shook his head, “This was the test. How often do we fail because we are afraid to even try ”At that, the other two flushed with regret and shame. （插入另外两个人的表现作为互动）“You will get the job as my deputy, because you rely not only on what you see and hear, but also on your own strength and are not afraid to make an attempt.” With that, the director reached out his hand to the third man. In his hand was the contract which the third guy deserved.（倒装句；增加动作描写，静态描写，和画外音评论）
总结：我们的读后续写实际上是鼓励学生表达出个人的想法，这个想法的内容如何才是评分的最高标准：语句准确无误、内容清晰明了，就可以说达到五档好作文的线了，然后适当增加高中所学的语法结构，不要复杂，有就行，譬如非谓语动词、状语从句等。再高一层次的可能就要深入探索原文的语言风格，做到语言协调，但是高考作文的原文都是经过调整的，力求对起码的70%考生而言是简单易懂的，这样想来，风格大体上就是通俗易懂之类了，所以以上所说的写法和它并不冲突的。
The director of one firm decided to delegate（授权）some of the work to his deputy（副手）. He needed a brave and intelligent person, as he was in his youth. There were three such worthy people in the firm, and he did not know who was the best candidate for the position. Then he decided to use some old wisdom and came up with a test.
He prepared three identical suitcases and put them on the table. He got the three young men to come to his office and said to them, “I have known you for years, and each of you is a good and devoted employee. I am grateful for all your hard work in all these years. Now I need one deputy to help me, but it is tough for me to make a choice. After lots of thinking, I decided to give you a test.” He pointed to the three suitcases on the table and said that the position would go to whoever passed the test.
He asked them to picture a situation in their mind: You come to a meeting with a very important and respectable client to sign a contract. The client is in a hurry and will not wait for long, and the contract must be signed right now. The contract is in the suitcase, but the keys are lost. There’s no time to search for the keys. You have a minute to open the suitcase with a penknife. Whoever does it first will be the new deputy director. The three men nodded and wanted to start, but the director stopped them. He said there was one more condition: If they take this challenge and fail to open the suitcase, then at the end of the year they will not receive their bonuses. Or they can give up the test and continue working as before, and receive the bonuses at the end of the year.
注意：
1．续写词数应为 150 左右；
2．请按如下格式在相应位置作答。
Two of the workers thought about it and decided they didn’t want to participate.
“Did you forget to lock them ” the guy asked in great surprise.
就阅卷而言，有两点：
第一点：线索的取舍
文章的两个线索：
He needed a brave and intelligent person, as he was in his youth.
You have a minute to open the suitcase with a penknife.
第一个线索指向本文的主题
第二个线索指向本文解决问题的途径
从阅卷看学生都能看到线索的，但提炼的程度各自不同：有同学认为文章主题是看谁intelligent，有的认为第一个线索应该提炼为determination。还有更多学生认为bonus也应该成为线索，最后两个人最后拿到了bonus，皆大欢喜。
出现这样的问题原因是：过度解读。从高考读后续写文章看，主题都是非常明显的，基本都是文章中直接出现的。
其次，线索的取舍不当。在很多次的阅卷中，我们发现学生不是不关注线索，而是过头了，举目望去，草木皆兵（线索）。实际上，我们的线索应该服务于表达主题的需要。与主题无关的不能称之为线索。譬如bonus就需要舍弃，和表达主人公的bravery是无关的。
第二点：提示句的分析
第二个提示句them有很强的提示性，指的是三个箱子，进而推测：第三个人把三个箱子都查看了一下。如果忽略了它，就意味着情节上的推测失当。阅卷中发现很多学生并没有注意到这点。
由于对线索you have a minute的疏忽，于是情节推测中遗漏了主人公的开锁过程和时间的限制之间的关联。
下面开始写作。在很长时间的实践过程中，越来越清晰认识到这点：能用最简洁的笔墨准确无误地表达出所构思好的情节就是最好的写作。就语言而言，适当用一些高中所学的语法结构（强调、非谓语、状语从句等）就能拿到20+的高分了。
而这条可能很多读者和我一开始一样并不是很认同，但是它确实是近年来高考阅卷的标准，所以笔者的平时训练也都是围绕这条规律。我们给学生这样说，也是让学生完全卸下思想的负担（譬如没有背诵一堆语料），把精力集中在看懂原文，捋清情节上。
下面基于这个原则开始写作：
Two of the workers thought about it and decided they didn’t want to participate.
衔接1：第三个人决定尝试。
中间：尝试的过程。
衔接2：发现箱子都没有锁。
“Did you forget to lock them ” the guy asked in great surprise.
衔接3：经理的回答
中间：插播另外两个人的羞愧
主题：第三个人拿到合同。
第二段本来都是经理的回答，但应试作文中，这样欠妥，需要创造一些元素作为互动。这在我前面的文章里也有说明。
第一段：
Two of the workers thought about it and decided they didn’t want to participate.
The third young employee said he wanted to have a try. The director started the stopwatch and pointed to the suitcase. The guy approached it, put the penknife to the lock and pressed it. But it wasn’t locked. He opened it and looked at the director in surprise. Then he checked the two other suitcases which also turned out to be unlocked. He couldn’t believe it.
这一段看起来非常简单，但清晰明了，而且也有动作细节描写。实际上这就是原文作者写的。如果我们不能给高分，那只能说我们对记叙文的鉴赏和写作可能有不小的误解。假如这种误解有很小可能的存在，接下来我对此进行润色，按照中国人的阅读鉴赏口味：无非就是从voice、expression、emotion（声音、表情、内心）三个角度来增加饱和度的细节。
第一段润色后：
“I wanted to have a try,” said the third young employee, his voice firm and calm.（从声音角度，独立主格）Nodding admiringly, the director started the stopwatch and pointed to the suitcase. （从表情角度，非谓语动词和副词作状语）The guy approached it, put the knife to the lock carefully and pressed it, only to find that it wasn’t locked.（对结果利用only to do...结构，这也是非常普遍的技巧）He opened it and looked at the director in surprise. Then he checked the two other suitcases which also turned out to be unlocked. He couldn’t believe it.
其它不作改变。增加部分是不是看起来好些了？这些已经非常足够了，千万不要再想着把后面的句子也拉长丰富处理，这样只是画蛇添足了。
“Did you forget to lock them ” the guy asked in great surprise.
“Are we going to start the test again ” The director smiled and shook his head, “This was the test. How often do we fail because we are afraid to even try You will get the job as my deputy, because you rely not only on what you see and hear, but also on your own strength and are not afraid to make an attempt.” The other two workers’ faces reddened with shame, regretting that they didn’t even give it a go.
这段范文也就是作者原文，语句用到了not only...but also，最后一句还用到了非谓语动词和表情描写。其实根本无需再润色处理了，也是英美小故事标准的语言风格。
但是基于我们应试的需要，更有可能有些不在一线教学的评卷老师认为这种语言太low了，于是我们需要根据中国人的品味进行一些调整。
“Are we going to start the test again ” There was a big question mark in his eyes. (从expression的eye角度） The director smiled and shook his head, “This was the test. How often do we fail because we are afraid to even try ”At that, the other two flushed with regret and shame. （插入另外两个人的表现作为互动）“You will get the job as my deputy, because you rely not only on what you see and hear, but also on your own strength and are not afraid to make an attempt.” With that, the director reached out his hand to the third man. In his hand was the contract which the third guy deserved.（倒装句；增加动作描写，静态描写，和画外音评论）
总结：我们的读后续写实际上是鼓励学生表达出个人的想法，这个想法的内容如何才是评分的最高标准：语句准确无误、内容清晰明了，就可以说达到五档好作文的线了，然后适当增加高中所学的语法结构，不要复杂，有就行，譬如非谓语动词、状语从句等。再高一层次的可能就要深入探索原文的语言风格，做到语言协调，但是高考作文的原文都是经过调整的，力求对起码的70%考生而言是简单易懂的，这样想来，风格大体上就是通俗易懂之类了，所以以上所说的写法和它并不冲突的。