(共49张PPT)
文章结构运用于英语读后续写的策略
方法和步骤
演练 1-2 篇
提纲
展示
分析
参考文献
1
方法和步骤
写什么
如何写
01
通过文章结构进行阅读,确定高考读后续写文章的组织结构,初步了解作者的写作目的
03
通过蝴蝶形结构图,勾画出续写需要的细节框架(问题、处理和结果)
02
通过弗赖塔格金字塔形剧情结构来梳理文本逻辑,确定文章缺失的部分,了解故事发展的趋势(情节+情感)
04
根据山形结构图和蝴蝶形结构图,设定相应问题,进一步了解写作内容的细节确保符合故事发展的趋势(情节+情感), 满足作者的写作目的(感觉+感受)
Narrative Text with problem/solution structure
butterfly frame work
five -action structure
related questions
步骤
1.
续写写什么
2
3
4
五个要点
Characters: 人物
Setting: 场景
Plot: 剧情 (开始,中间,结尾)
Climax: 高潮(问题和/冲突)
Resolution: 解决(方法,执行,结果)
These essential elements keep a story running smoothly and allow the action to develop in a logical way that readers can follow.
叙述文
1.确认续写体裁
2-1确认续写的文章结构
Five-act Structure
Figure 1
德国剧作家弗莱塔格(1816-1895)在研究莎士比亚戏剧中提出的弗莱塔格金字塔(图1),也称five-act structure(Gustav Freytag,1863)的五幕剧情弧线图(Bunting,J;L Smailes,G.)含:开始(人物及其事件背景),发展(问题发生的前兆),高潮(问题或冲突),回落(英雄如何解决问题)和结尾(处理的结果)五个片段
Climax
Beginning
Ending
characters and setting
Methods/advice
measures/actions
Rising Action
(What causes the problem
Who is the trouble maker )
The main conflict
What is the problem
Falling Action
How to solve
the problem
Result and emotional evaluation-moral cultured)
How things end up
Figure 2
Middle
Body paragraphs
Narrative Text with Problem-Solution Structure
Plot
Can be
combined
2-2
确认续写的
文章的组织结构
3.蝴蝶形结构图
问题/解决
问题
方法
执行
结果(正能量) + 情感 (感觉和感受------作者的写作目的和中心思想)
Figure 3
什么问题(谁有问题 )
什么造成 (谁造成 为什么 )
处理方法 (步骤:谁提供 谁处理 如何处理 )
剧情结局 (结果 剧中人物感觉 学到了什么 )
4. 设置与文章剧情发展相关的问题帮助学生确定文章主旨并完成续写内容
3.蝴蝶形结构图
什么问题(谁有问题 )
什么造成 (谁造成 为什么 )
处理方法 (步骤:谁提供 谁处理 如何处理 )
剧情结局 (结果 剧中人物感觉 学到了什么 )
Figure 3
4.设定问题
小归纳
1.英语里的文章的组织结构分为五种:_________, 说明, 比较或对比,__________,以及因果关系的结构(National Center on Intensive Intervention. n.d ) 。
2.借助弗赖塔格金字塔图形,改进后的山形图很清楚地展示了开始、发展、高潮、回落和结尾,学生了解故事发展的趋势(情节+情感)并且可以确定文章缺失的部分。
3.通过蝴蝶形结构图,勾画出续写需要的细节框架(问题、处理和结果)
4.设立问题,了解续写些什么的具体内容和完善作者的写作目的
(1)什么冲突/问题/困难
(2)什么造成?(谁 为什么)
(3)怎么解决 (方法 步骤 )
(4)结果怎样 (感觉 感受 )
Beginning
(characters and setting)
人物及场景
Ending (reactions/result/solution/emotions)结果及情感抒发(情感目标、价值)
你的感觉以及你觉得你学到了什么.
Development /Process/Rising
问题即将出现
Climax (conflict/problem)
出现问题
Falling
(methods/measures/actions)
解决方法及执行
Body paragraphs
Middle
Plot剧情:
Falling 和Ending可合并
Figure 5
叙述
问题及解决
问题及解决
problem/solution
发现问题—寻找解决问题的方法—对应执行—执行结果
(1. 不好, 重新找,或建议,呼吁; 2. 好, 感慨; —-情感目标、价值)
1
2
3
4
运用写作三角修辞法,确保续写部分的合实、 合理和合情。
.
运用Old/New Contract(旧新契约)确保段落之间、句子之间衔接的融洽度、紧密性和连贯性
通过适当添加写作修辞手法,提高续写内容的丰富性和生动性
.
通过改写原文关键的词句用于续写部分,满足文章句型结构和词的结构的多样化和丰富性.
步骤
续写怎么写
也称为 The Principle of Old before New,即先旧后新或以旧带新原则, 指的是作者在写作时,文章中的新句子要与所读过的旧句子相关联。每段的首句要与上文相关,末句要与下文相关(Ramage, Bean, and Johnson, 2015)。从而达到文章中句子之间衔接以及段落之间衔接的融洽、紧密和连贯性。旧新契约作用可理解为,我们中文里常说的承上启下。
写作三角(Rhetorical Triangle)
(Source: from John D, Ramage, John C. Bean, &June Johnson. How Messages Persuade. The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writer [M].(7th ed.). White Plains, NY: Pearson Education,2015:9)
旧新契约
Figure 4
合实
合情
合理
。
3
演练与展示
阅读2篇续写文章和写续写段落的思维过程
学生作品展示--
Jonny took his dog, Scruffy, out for a walk on a cold day in December. He bundled(捆,束,包裹)up in his heavy winter coat and put on his thick wool hat before he said goodbye to his mom. Outside the front door, the whole world was like a winter wonderland(仙境):there were icicles(冰柱) hanging from tree branches and snow banks that rose all the way up to Jonny’s knees. Scruffy was excited to be outside, digging in the snow and jumping into snow. Jonny was also glad to be out in the cold air. The snowstorm that left all this snow had continued for two days, and he hadn't been allowed to go outside, even just to breathe some air!
They walked through Jonny’s neighborhood, passing people who looked glad to be outside, too. A few blocks down, Jonny saw his friend Marcus building a snowman with his sister, Marie.
Time to practice
# 1
“Hi, Marcus!” Jonny called out. He walked over to the snowman .
“Hey, Jonny. You want to help ” Marcus was patting the bottom part of the snowman with his glove, while Marie was rolling together the second section of the snowman, packing the snow together to make sure it stayed in a round shape.
Jonny walked over and wrapped Scruffy's leash(皮带)around Marcus's mailbox. Together, Jonny, Marcus and Marie built an amazing snowman. They made a long pointy(尖尖的)nose for the snowman, and designed eyes out of green apples which Marie found in the house. They made the snowman's arms out of two longer sticks, setting them up to make it look like he was waving. Sometimes Jonny would look over whether Scruffy would be digging again, but he mostly sat patiently, watching Jonny, Marcus, and Marie work.
Time to practice
When they were all done, Marcus and Marie's mom came outside to see their work.“This is an amazing snowman!” she said.“Does anyone want hot chocolate ”
(Tips: story mountain, butterfly,…rhetorical triangle,…6w)
All three kids and Scruffy ran into the house and warmed up.
“Oh no!” Jonny yelled, and ran out to the snowman, which was now a pile of snow and sticks on the ground.
Time to practice
Students’ works
before
after
before
before
after
4
分析和讲解
学生作品
(161-41=120 words)。(12-14/25)
第一段:All three kids and scruffy ran into the house and warmed up. They talked and played games each other. After paying for almost two hours, Jonny decided that it was time to go home.The sun has already set ,leaving the sky afired with orange and green lights. The weather got very cold. Jonny hug with Marcus ,Marie and their mom.Scruffy was so naughty that run out of the door. Soon it jumped into the snowman.
第二段 “Oh,no!” Johnny yelled,and ran out to the snowman,which was now a pile of snow and sticks on the ground. Marie and Marcos also follow closely. There was only a little snow left. All looked particularly disappointed. looking at these remmants of snowman, Jonny felt very sorry for everyone(why).“Oh,it doesn't matter.”Marcus said. “We can make a bigger snowman tomorrow.”The arrival of a new day meant that a new snowman was about to appear.Everyone laughed and went back home each other.(161-41=120 words)
Sample 1
Students’ works
Peer review
间距, 时态 拼写 单词意思,字数不够;
没有掌握作者的意图,文章结构不完整--段落缺少: 2.谁造成问题 3. 如何处理 4. 结果如何+感觉和感受
优点:尝试使用比喻 ,个别句子间的衔接很好
Sample 2
FGPS2W 间距 缺少情感目标 时态
句型多样,美,理解方向准确, 条理清晰,结构完整, 但缺少感慨VALUES. (18-20/25)
All three kids and Scruffy ran into the house and warmed up. Enjoying the hot chocolate, they sat by the fire place. After drinking, Marie helped her mom wash the cups,Marcus and Jonny were building blocks. Jonny was worried about Scrufty would be bored so he crouched down,talking to Scrufty"Scrufty,you can enjoy your time, you can go wherever you want."Scrufty barked then he left. A few moments later,Jonny realized that it's time to come back home.He called Scrufty but Scrufty didn't appear.Suddenly,he saw Scrufty with some snow sitting on the ground and the snowman had disappeared.
"Oh no! " Jomy yelied, aned ran out to the snowman , which was now a pile of
snow and sticks on the ground."Look what you have done,Scrufty! You broke the snowman."Jonny shutted angrily to Scrufty.Scrufty bowed his head.It seems that he had known he made a mistake and made his owners extremely mad.Marcus,Marie and their mom came outsite.Shocked and sad,they stared at the snow on the ground.Jonny apologized to them.However,Marcus talked to Jonny that they could make a new amazing snowman.Jonny and Marcus built the snowman,Marie found two apples,and Scrufty found two longer sticks.10 minutes later,a new snowman was made.The one was better than before.......
Students’ works
Evaluating
间距, 时态,
缺少 感觉+感受
优点:Ving的使用, 使用拟人手法,创造力强,使文章生动有趣;新旧衔接紧密; 文章结构完整
注意:
1.续写词数应为150左右;
2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
All three kids and Scruffy ran into the house and warmed up.
“Oh no!” Jonny yelled, and ran out to the snowman, which was now a pile of snow and sticks on the ground.
(注意剧中人物情感的变化和剧情的发展)
写什么
读后续写步骤一:写什么
画山形图分析文章的整体结构并寻找出文章缺失的部分和剧情发展的趋势
画蝴蝶图形了解问题/结果结构从而了解写作的细节框架(由问题、解决方法、执行和结果组成)
回答设定相应的问题掌握续写的内容的细节和作者的写作目的
友情提示:阅读文章的时候考虑叙述文的5个要点和6W
注意伏笔和铺垫; (续写部分先看第二段的引导句,再看第一段的)
Characters: 人物
Setting: 场景
Plot: 剧情 (开始,中间,结尾)
Climax: 高潮(问题和/冲突)
Resolution: 解决(方法,执行,结果)
Characters(人物)--who 3个小孩+妈妈+狗+雪人
Setting(场所)--where , when 在居住区—家的院子, 12月的雪天后的某一天
Plot(情节)---beginning, middle, and ending
Conflict(冲突) --problem—雪人遭到破坏
What is the problem 雪人变成一滩雪
What causes it 文中没提,需要读者 通过铺垫和伏笔来寻找
What should do 重建雪人,如何建(可以改写原文中兄妹两建造雪人的词句)
What is the result (+emotion-feelings, values) 建成新的雪人, 我们很开心, 感受—学到什么,作者的写作目的, 是难点
Resolution (解决: 方法, 执行 ,结果)我们很开心
(suggestions---take actions, reactions—result(good or bad) emotion(feelings and values)
完成叙述文的5个要点、 6W以及所设定问题的的轮廓线/纲要
难点、忽略点: 谁弄坏了雪人
开始:人物和场景Jonny and his dog, Scruffy; out for a walk on a cold day in December.
发展
高潮
回落
结尾
山形图
1. Went out with Scruffy, delighted. Jonny saw Marcus and Marie building a snowman.
2. Jonny was glad to help Marcus and Marie build the snowman.
3.They together built a snow man and were invited for hot chocolate.
a pile of snow and sticks on the ground.
The snowman was destroyed
1. Jonny complained, blamed , and chased the dog, Scruffy.
2. …advised to rebuild a snowman.
1. Did rebuild an amazing snow man.
2.Did feel delighted and excited
3. Learnt to be kind and generous to forgive the dog.
3. They started to build a new snow man.
难点或困惑点: Who was the trouble maker
开始和发展段对狗外在的描述是狗弄坏雪人的伏笔
蝴蝶形图
什么问题(谁有问题 ) 雪人被弄坏了
什么造成 (谁造成 为什么 ) 难点,关键点: Scruffy 弄坏的
处理方法 (步骤:谁提供 谁处理 如何处理 )
方法 1: Jonny 生气骂狗赶狗—---无效
方法 2: Marcus或他妈妈或妹妹提出重建雪人,分工合作-
剧情结局 (结果 剧中人物感觉 学到了什么 )---堆好一个新的雪人,开心兴奋; Jonny 意识到学会要大度,原谅狗
回答问题
什么造成 (谁造成 为什么 ) 难点,困惑点关键点: Scruffy 弄坏的
依据
1. Scuffy was excited, digging the snow
there were icicles(冰柱) hanging from tree branches and snow banks that rose all the way up to Jonny’s knees. Scruffy was excited to be outside, digging in the snow and jumping into snow.
2. Jonny walked over and wrapped Scruffy‘s leash(皮带)around Marcus’s mailbox…. Jonny would look over whether Scruffy would be digging again, … but he mostly sat patiently
All three kids and Scruffy ran into the house and warmed up.
Jonny took his dog, Scruffy, out for a walk on a cold day in December. He bundled(捆,束,包裹)up in his heavy winter coat and put on his thick wool hat before he said goodbye to his mom. Outside the front door, the whole world was like a winter wonderland(仙境)--借景抒情 (开心):there were icicles(冰柱) hanging from tree branches and snow banks that rose all the way up to Jonny’s knees.(天冷,雪厚,伏笔, 后续不不能突然出现大太阳在Jonny 他们喝热巧克力的功夫把雪人给晒融化了的雪人) Scruffy was excited to be outside, digging in the snow and jumping into snow. (人与狗的心情一样,开心兴奋; 同时(伏笔)给后续狗弄坏雪人做铺垫 ,同时可以借用和改写句子.Jonny was also glad to be out in the cold air. The snowstorm that left all this snow had continued for two days, and he hadn't been allowed to go outside, even just to breathe some air!
They walked through Jonny’s neighborhood, passing people who looked glad to be outside, too. A few blocks down, Jonny saw his friend Marcus building a snowman with his sister, Marie.
“Hi, Marcus!” Jonny called out. He walked over to the snowman .
“Hey, Jonny. You want to help ” Marcus was patting the bottom part of the snowman with his glove, while Marie was rolling together the second section of the snowman, packing the snow together to make sure it stayed in a round shape.(重建雪人的时候可以借用和改写词句)
Jonny walked over and wrapped Scruffy‘s leash(皮带)around Marcus’s mailbox. Together, Jonny, Marcus and Marie built an amazing snowman. They made a long pointy(尖尖的)nose for the snowman, and designed eyes out of green apples which Marie found in the house. They made the snowman‘s arms out of two longer sticks, setting them up to make it look like he was waving. Sometimes Jonny would look over whether Scruffy would be digging again, but he mostly sat patiently(与下文孩子们和狗进房间和热巧克力后,狗耐不住,而后悄悄跑出房间,形成对比) watching Jonny, Marcus, and Marie work.(狗被拴住了,Jonny 还是担心狗会刨雪,伏笔下文,担心会成事实—把雪人给刨了)---谁制造问题
When they were all done, Marcus and Marie's mom came outside to see their work.“This is an amazing snowman!” she said.“Does anyone want hot chocolate ”
1
2
3
4
运用写作三角修辞法,确保续写部分的真实性、 合理性和合情性。
.
运用Old/New Contract(旧新契约)确保段落之间、句子之间衔接的融洽度、紧密性和连贯性
通过适当添加写作修辞手法,提高续写内容的丰富性和生动性
.
通过改写原文关键的词句用于续写部分,满足文章句型结构和词的结构的多样化和丰富性.
步骤
续写怎么写
2022年高考续写及作品展示和讲解
阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。
(注意剧中人物情感的变化和剧情的发展)
It was the day of a big cross-country run. Students from seven different primary schools in and around the small town were warming up and walking the route(路线) through a thick evergreen forest.
I looked around and finally spotted David, who was standing by himself off to the side by a fence. He was small for ten years old. His usual big toothy smile was absent today. I walked over and asked him why he wasn't with the other children. He hesitated and then said he had decided not to run.
What was wrong He had worked so hard for this event!
I quickly searched the crowd for the school's coach and asked him what had happened. “I was afraid that kids from other schools would laugh at him,” he explained uncomfortably. “I gave him the choice to run or not, and let him decide.” (写续写时会用上)
# 2
留意人物形象的刻画以及教练说的话,后续写作会用得上
I bit back my frustration(懊恼). I knew the coach meant well—he thought he was doing the right thing. After making sure that David could run if he wanted, I turned to find him coming towards me, his small body rocking from side to side as he swung his feet forward.
David had a brain disease which prevented him from walking or running like other children, but at school his classmates thought of him as a regular kid. He always participated to the best of his ability in whatever they were doing. That was why none of the children thought it unusual that David had decided to join the cross-country team. It just took him longer to finish—that’s all. David had not missed a single practice, and although he always finished his run long after the other children, he did always finish. As a special education teacher at the school, I was familiar with the challenges David faced and was proud of his strong determination.
留意作者对David 的人物刻画, 后续的写作会用得上
注意:
1.续写词数应为150左右;
2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
We sat down next to each other, but David wouldn't look at me. (6W里需要补充Why &How)
I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners.
(注意剧中人物情感的变化和剧情的发展)
写什么
读后续写步骤一:写什么
画山形图分析文章的整体结构并寻找出文章缺失的部分和剧情发展的趋势
画蝴蝶图形了解问题/结果结构从而了解写作的细节框架(由问题、解决方法、执行和结果组成)
回答设定相应的问题掌握续写的内容的细节和作者的写作目的
友情提示:阅读文章的时候考虑叙述文的5个要点和6W
注意伏笔和铺垫; (续写部分先看第二段的引导句,再看第一段的)
Characters: 人物
Setting: 场景
Plot: 剧情 (开始,中间,结尾)
Climax: 高潮(问题和/冲突)
Resolution: 解决(方法,执行,结果)
Characters(人物)--who David, the school coach, and I
(David had brain disease, usual big toothy smile, worked hard, always finished practice even if he was the last one)
Setting(场所)--where , when a big cross-country run in a town during a school day
Plot(情节)---beginning, middle, and ending
Conflict(冲突) --problem—struggling and hesitating about taking part in the big cross-country run
What is the problem Struggling about whether he should take the big cross-country run
What causes it The school coach
What should do Join himself in running with my encouragement
What is the result (+emotion-feelings, values) succeed in finishinggthe run although he didn’t’ win the prize
Resolution (解决: 方法, 执行 ,结果)David finished his running.
(suggestions---take actions, reactions—result(good or bad) emotion(feelings and values)
完成叙述文的5个要点、 6W以及所设定问题的的轮廓线/纲要
难点、忽略点: 铺垫和伏笔对David 参加比赛结果的影响
有高考参考答案出现: 1. David 有心脏病 2. 跑了个第20名
根据本文续写“写什么”方法和步骤,找出文中缺失的部分是回落和结尾。第一个续写的段落是出现问题需要解决问题的段落。即:教练是制造问题的人,David是有问题的人,出现的问题是David犹豫是否参加越野跑;“I”是解决问题的人,要采取方法说服David参加比赛。第二个续写段落是处理问题后的结果,含情感的抒发。即,David 参加跑步赛后的结果,“I”和David甚至还有教练的感触。
其次,根据续写“怎么写”的方法和步骤,必须考虑写作三角修辞法结合原文已知信息,续写第二段解决问题的结果一定是设定David 终于跑完了,但没赢,因为原文伏笔是he always finished his run long after the other children, he did always finish. 这样才能符合原文的真实性、合情性和合理性。
接着,根据以旧带新原则,续写内容要与原文中的信息相关联,段落间或句子之间关系要密切相关,上下段落的首位句要相呼应。比如,第一段的第一句写David没有看着我,根据前文可知David伤心且犹豫,所以第二句话可以写作者开始安慰David,接下来David 会看着我,不再伤心不再犹豫,决定去参加越野赛。而由于第二个续写段落的开头句是I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners.所以第一个续写段落的最后一句话可以设定David开始向起跑线走去。这样,通过以旧带新原则,两个续写段落之间衔接就自然、融洽、紧密和连贯。
最后,通过引用或改写原文词句以及适当增加写作的修辞法,增加句子语法结构和词汇的多样性和准确性及续写内容的丰富性。
根据本文续写“写什么”方法和步骤,第一个续写自然段回落,是出现问题需要解决问题的段落。 根据蝴蝶型结构图及设定的问题,本段要写出:
开始
发展
高潮
回落
结尾
第一段: We sat down next to each other, but David wouldn't look at me. (6W里需要补充Why &How)
1.什么问题(谁有问题) 教练是制造问题的人
2. 谁造成(为什么) David是有问题的人,纠结犹豫是否参加越野跑
3. 谁处理 方法 . “I”是解决问题的人,要采取方法说服David参加比赛。
(借用、引用文中原有的信息,所以有很多词句可以改写)
根据本文续写“写什么”方法和步骤,第二个续写段落是结尾:处理问题后的结果,含情感的抒发,即情感的升华,顺应作者的写作目的。即,David 参加跑步赛后的结果.“I”和David甚至还有教练的感触。所以本段要写出:
开始
发展
高潮
回落
结尾
第二段: I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners.
结局: David虽然是最后一个,但终于跑完,他战胜了自己.达到作者写作的目的
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2
3
4
运用写作三角修辞法,确保续写部分的合实、 合理和合情。
.
运用Old/New Contract(旧新契约)确保段落之间、句子之间衔接的融洽度、紧密性和连贯性
通过适当添加写作修辞手法,提高续写内容的丰富性和生动性
.
通过改写原文关键的词句用于续写部分,满足文章句型结构和词的结构的多样化和丰富性.
步骤
续写怎么写
We sat down next to each other, but David wouldn't look at me. Holding his hands gently, I said, “David, you have been practicing so hard and you always finished your run. I am sure kids from other schools will also be proud of your powerful determination. No one can stop you running, only you.” Just then, David raised his head, looking at me, without any hesitation, said determinedly, “I will run.” Then he headed to the starting line with his small body tottering from side to side while his feet swinging forward.
I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners. Meanwhile, I spotted the school coach smiling at me, relaxed, appreciated, and comfortable. At the sound of the starting pistol, the runners got off excellently and perfectly. David was also trying, but, as a kid having brain disease, how could he be supposed to run as fast as others He was more staggering than running, like autumn leaves, but no wind could blow him away. Realizing that David had brain disease but that he was still trying so hard, the crowd suddenly broke out “Come on, David! You can make it!” Moved by the great support, David tried the best of his ability to run, and finally he succeeded, although he reached the ending line as the last one! The crowd burst into cheers for David’s successful finish. David bowed slowly to show his gratitude then turned to where I was. I noticed that his usual big toothy smile appearing on his face again, sweating, with happy tears filled in his determined eyes. It seemed that he was telling me “I can do it and I have succeeded.”
运用Old/New Contract(旧新契约)确保段落之间、句子之间衔接的融洽度、紧密性和连贯性
解释:以上续写是根据故事情节的发展以及依据情感的变化设定的故事发展的逻辑顺序。情感变化+剧情发展的趋势,运用Old/New Contract(旧新契约)确保段落之间、句子之间衔接的融洽度、紧密性和连贯性
We sat down next to each other, but David wouldn't look at me. Holding his hands gently, I said, “David, you have been practicing so hard and you always finished your run. I am sure kids from other schools will also be proud of your powerful determination. No one can stop you running, only you.” Just then, David raised his head, looking at me, without any hesitation, said determinedly, “I will run.” Then he headed to the starting line with his small body tottering from side to side while his feet swinging forward.
第一个续写段:文中“I”引导David时,充分用到了文中原有的“旧”信息提炼出了新内容.第一句提及他平时的训练和毅力,给他信心;
第二句说其他学校的孩子也会像他的同学一样尊重他,消除他的心理负担,因为文中提到因为教练担心别的学校的学生会嘲笑他
第三句话给他鼓励,相信他不被别人左右。续写的引导句是“两人坐下来的时候,David没看着我”,通过文中所给的信息可以知道David是因为听了教练的话后失落且犹豫, 所以这一段要设定David 抬头看着我“并且”毫不犹豫“(without any hesitation) ”、“充满信心”(said confidently, full of confidence) ,或“坚定地说”(said determinedly) 要参加比赛,并且开始向起跑线走去(第四句)。
I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners. Meanwhile, I spotted the school coach smiling at me, relaxed, appreciated, and comfortable. At the sound of the starting pistol, the runners got off excellently and perfectly. David was also trying, but, as a kid having brain disease, how could he be supposed to run as fast as others He was more staggering than running, like autumn leaves, but no wind could blow him away. Realizing that David had brain disease but that he was still trying so hard, the crowd suddenly broke out “Come on, David! You can make it!” Moved by the great support, David tried the best of his ability to run, and finally he succeeded, although he reached the ending line as the last one! The crowd burst into cheers for David’s successful finish. David bowed slowly to show his gratitude then turned to where I was. I noticed that his usual big toothy smile appearing on his face again, sweating, with happy tears filled in his determined eyes. It seemed that he was telling me “I can do it and I have succeeded.”
第二个续写段 原文中提到教练跟“I”说给David 自己选择是否参加比赛的时候,出现了“uncomfortable”这一情感表达的词,实际上是伏笔,暗示教练意识到了这么说的不妥,给续写做了个铺垫:必须要设定教练有机会感觉好转。所以,第一句续写紧跟着引导句中的“I”看着David 走去的同时,顺应写上,看到教练的表情就很贴切,即教练看到我说服David参加比赛后,教练如释重担,对“I”表示感激。
接下来,第二句用对比手法,写出其他参赛者的矫健和完美,接着用设问的修辞法加重情感还原了原文的真实性去扣动读者心灵,让读者感受到David的身残志坚,原文:David had a brain disease which prevented him from walking or running like other children.而后用了比喻手法刻画了 David虽如秋叶般瘦弱却没被吹走的画面,告诉读者这场比赛对于David 的挑战的艰难度,同时再次强调了他的坚韧与努力与原文David had not missed a single practice相得映彰。
而后的呐喊声体现出同学以及其他小朋友对David的尊重,符合原文的铺垫: He always participated to the best of his ability in whatever they were doing. That was why none of the children thought it unusual也是作者想表达的孩子们的童真和善良,同时也证实“I”在引导David 时说过,其他学校的孩子也会为他的坚韧自豪。
最后场景设定, David在大家的鼓励下终于也跑完,但必须是最后跑到终点,因为前文已经提到过:David有脑病,走路不稳,平时虽然是跑完,但是都是被同学们拉出一大截。 David had a brain disease which prevented him from walking or running like other children....although he always finished his run long after the other children, he did always finish.接下来就是情感的升华。原文中提到His big toothy smile was absent。根据情感线索及剧情的发展趋势, David的笑容必须要回来,像往常一样,甚至更应该灿烂,因为,他战胜了自己。所以,他跑完后,看向“I”表示感激的时候他的脸必须要露出笑容,坚定自信
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作业
作业
根据以下步骤, 完善以上两篇续写的结构,按自己水平根据FGPS2W进行修改续写部分
提示:阅读文章的时候考虑叙述文的5个要点和6W
注意伏笔和铺垫
Characters: 人物
Setting: 场景
Plot: 剧情 (开始,中间,结尾)
Climax: 高潮(问题和/冲突)
Resolution: 解决(方法,执行,结果)
续写部分先看第二段的引导句,再看第一段的
画山形图分析文章的整体结构并寻找出文章缺失的部分和剧情发展的趋势
画蝴蝶图形了解问题/结果结构从而了解写作的细节框架(由问题、解决方法、执行和结果组成)
回答设定相应的问题掌握续写的内容的细节和作者的写作目的
6
References
References
[1]北京天利考试信息网 全国各省市高考试题汇编全解[M].西藏:西藏 人民出版社.2023
[2] John D, Ramage, John C. Bean, &June Johnson. How Messages Persuade. The Allyn &
Bacon Guide to Writer [M].(7th ed.). White Plains, NY: Pearson Education,2015;9,42-65,
433
[3] Shelby Thayne-John Wiley & Sons.Graphic Organizers for Text Structures[J].National
Centeron Intensive Intervention.2018. Retrieved Oct.6,2022 from...
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