2025年高考英语一轮复习应用文写作之读后续写作基本技法
A MOTHER’S DAY SURPRISE
The twins were filled with excitement as they thought of the surprise they were planning for Mother’s Day. How pleased and proud Mother would be when they brought her breakfast in bed. They planned to make French toast and chicken porridge. They had watched their mother in the kitchen. There was nothing to it. Jenna and Jeff knew exactly what to do.
The big day came at last. The alarm rang at 6 a.m. The pair went down the stairs quietly to the kitchen. They decided to boil the porridge first. They put some rice into a pot of water and left it to boil while they made the French toast. Jeff broke two eggs into a plate and added in some milk. Jenna found the bread and put two slices into the egg mixture. Next, Jeff turned on the second stove burner to heat up the frying pan. Everything was going smoothly until Jeff started frying the bread. The pan was too hot and the bread turned black within seconds. Jenna threw the burnt piece into the sink and put in the other slice of bread. This time, she turned down the fire so it cooked nicely.
Then Jeff noticed steam shooting out of the pot and the lid starting to shake. The next minute, the porridge boiled over and put out the fire. Jenna panicked. Thankfully, Jeff stayed calm and turned off the gas quickly. But the stove was a mess now. Jenna told Jeff to clean it up so they could continue to cook the rest of the porridge. But Jeff’s hand touched the hot burner and he gave a cry of pain. Jenna made him put his hand in cold water. Then she caught the smell of burning. Oh dear! The piece of bread in the pan had turned black as well.
注意:续写词数应为150个左右。
As the twins looked around them in disappointment, their father appeared. ____
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The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up. _______
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Step 1:厘清主题 把握走向
要素 描述 主 题
when Mother’s Day 本文以母亲节为线索展开,讲述了双胞胎Jenna和Jeff为了献给母亲一份美味的早餐,自己动手做起早餐来,但不幸的是,他们接连失败,后来在父亲的帮助下获得成功,他们把早餐献给亲爱的母亲,母亲非常感动的故事。
where At home
who The twins—Jeff and Jenna
what The pair prepared breakfast for their mother.
why They wanted to give their mother a surprise.
Step 2:寻找主线 深挖要点
文段 线索 文脉线索
前文 情感线 excited→disappointed
故事线 First, they boiled the porridge.→Next, they made the French toast.→A slice of bread turned black.→Then they found the porridge boiled over and put out the fire.→The other piece of bread turned black, too.
续写 要点 1.They made the bread and then went on cooking porridge. 2.Their mother was surprised to find the breakfast cooked by Jeff and Jenna.
Step 3:精研首句 起承转合
根据所给续文段落首句产生问题链接,形成续写思路,采用G-N(Given-New)和Q-A(Question-Answer)策略,做好起承转合,创造新的情节。
Paragraph 1: As the twins looked around them in disappointment, their father appeared.
Q1: What was Father’s first instinct when faced with the mess
Q2: How did the twins explain their plan to their father
Q3: What did Father do to help the twins to make delicious French toast and chicken porridge
Paragraph 2:The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.
Q1: What was Mother’s first instinct when the twins woke her up
Q2: Would the twins give Mother a big surprise How did they express their best wishes to Mother
Q3: How did Mother feel How can you design the ending more appealing and meaningful
续写第一段梗概 Their father helped them adjust the fire and they prepared breakfast successfully.How happy they were!
续写第二段梗概 The twins’ mother was surprised to see the delicious and perfect breakfast in front of her.She was deeply moved by her children.
Step 4:吃透语言 风格一致
为了使所写的内容和语言和原文保持连贯性和一致性,读后续写需要通过在理解原文的基础上,巧妙利用 “拉平效应”,创造性地模仿和使用语言,即继承原文语言表达方面的显著特征,包括写作手法及语言表达技巧,从而一方面保证写作的效率和流畅度,另一方面保证写作在各个语言层次和表达风格上和原文保持一致。
通过分析语篇,可以从五个方面理解原文的语言应用技巧:
1.场景描写(Surroundings)
场景描写指的是描写人、物、事发生的时间、地点、自然环境及社会场景等。场景描写可以充当背景信息,提供人、物、事发生的具体设定。其次,场景描写可以表达角色的感情、情绪,可以随着情节的发展有所变化,甚至可以提示、推动情节的发展,增强语篇的代入感。
2.动作描写(Actions)
动作描写指的是描写人物在具体情况下的行为举止,是情节发展的具体体现。恰到好处的动作描写不仅可以塑造生动形象的人物,还可以反映人物的情感态度及心理变化,并最终反映人物的性格特点及思想品质。
3.心理描写(Feelings)
心理描写指的是描写人物在具体情况下的看法、感受、情感及心理活动,并由此反映人物的性格特点及思想品质。心理描写除了对心理的直接描写,还可以结合动作描写及场景描写,共同构成有意义、紧凑的语篇。
4.有效对话(Effective Dialogues)
有效对话是记叙语篇中塑造人物的一个重要手段。对话的有效性首先体现在符合人物设定,这样不仅能够有效地推动情节的发展,更能够增加记叙的生动性。此外,对话语言也要符合记叙语篇的语言特点,即生活化、简化及去书面化。
5.修辞(Figures of speech)
修辞是增加语言生动性的最佳手段。它可以引起共鸣,使抽象的情境具体化。常见的可以应用的修辞有比喻、拟人、夸张和排比等。
考场满分作文1:
As the twins looked around them in disappointment, their father appeared.①Father’s appearing was like a savior to the two children.②Under the guidance of their father, they took positive action and started all over again.They made the bread and then went on cooking porridge.Father helped them adjust the fire, ③which was the key to success.It was all right this time.Delicious breakfast was ready.④How happy they were!
The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.⑤When their mother saw the delicious and perfect breakfast in front of her, she was very surprised.
⑥It was not only the gift, but the love of the children for her that moved her very much.The two children could finish cooking a breakfast, which she didn’t expect.The children said loudly, ⑦“Happy Mother’s Day! ” ⑧Mother hugged them tightly and kissed them again and again.
评卷老师点评:
①过渡自然流畅。②时态、语境和前文相互照应。③使用高分句式。④使用高分句式。⑤使用高分句式。⑥使用并列结构。⑦使用直接引语,生动真实。⑧动作及情感表达真实细腻。
考场满分作文2:
As the twins looked around them in disappointment, their father appeared.Faced with the mess the twins had made of the kitchen, Father felt annoyed but tried to contain himself.Jenna ran up to him, whispering “We...We just want to make breakfast for Mom as Mother’s Day gift.” After he learned what all was about, his annoyance gave way to relief and delight.Immediately, he joined them and they started all over again.Soon the French toast and chicken porridge were ready. The kitchen filled with the scent of breakfast and sweetness of a family.Looking at the work, the three exchanged an understanding smile.After signaling them to keep it a secret, Father slipped into the bedroom, pretending to know nothing about it.
The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.Still a little sleepy, Mother failed to figure out what they were up to.“Happy Mother’s Day!” The twins congratulated.“We made breakfast for you as you do that for us.Mom, we love you!” Though still in her pajamas, Mother took a bite of the toast and sipped the hot porridge.Lost in the delicious breakfast and pure love from her twins, she sobbed, with delightful tears streaming down her face.Lovingly, she pressed two gentle kisses on their foreheads, proudly enjoying their best wishes.Their father was standing in the doorway, recording this touching scene.The whole room was bathed in a happy Mother’s Day atmosphere.
评卷老师点评:文章用词精准(whisper, understanding, signal, pretend, lost in, stream down, proudly等),句式高级(非谓语动词、独立主格和介词with的复合结构等),通过动作、对话和心理活动等描写,生动、形象地呈现了双胞胎孩子在母亲节为妈妈做早餐,献上一份特别的节日礼物和惊喜。
考场满分作文3:
As the twins looked around them in disappointment, their father appeared.Seeing the mess,Father froze with shock, as if rooted on the ground. From the black bread and the spilled porridge, he suddenly figured out their secret.A smile of understanding flashed across his face.He realized their intention.He joined them in preparing the Mother’s Day surprise immediately.They started all over again.Everything went smoothly.The chicken and rice were dancing harmoniously in the boiling water pot and bread slices were showing off its most tremendous golden color. Soon the French toast and chicken porridge were ready. The kitchen filled with the scent of breakfast and sweetness of a family.Despite the oil stains on the twins’ aprons, nothing seemed imperfect, and all was in place except the most important one.
The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.Still a little sleepy, Mother failed to figure out what they were up to, but the cheerful “Happy Mother’s Day” from the two sweeties brought her back to reality.The breakfast with love made by her twins really struck her heartstrings.Mother kissed them and gave them each a bear hug, saying “Oh dear, thank you my sweeties.What a big surprise!” The next moment, she woke up Father, eager to share the blessing and the inviting breakfast seasoned with love.Father, who had been awake, cooperatively rubbed his eyes and took a big bite, winking at the twins secretly.After all, the surprise did make a sweet surprise!
评卷老师点评:文章通过动作、对话和心理活动等描写,生动、形象地呈现了双胞胎孩子在母亲节为妈妈做早餐,献上一份特别的节日礼物和惊喜。在故事情节推进的过程中,运用语篇分析的主位推进理论、呼应和修辞等手法来揭示语篇的感恩、互爱的主题,让人豁然明白“我们平时认为妈妈无条件的爱和支持是理所当然,没什么大不了的。等到自己回报母爱时,却发现并不轻松”, 反映内心触动和成长历程。
【方法运用】
1．阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
I was an average student in my early elementary years. I came home with a steady flow of B’s, C’s and the occasional F’s in second language subjects. I was told that I wasn’t applying myself and, as every report card I ever brought home clearly stated, I talked too much.
I didn’t write when I was supposed to write. I talked to others while the teacher was giving instructions. That I could recite what she had said to the class while I was talking was not helpful because I had a negative effect on my classmates’ learning. So I regularly brought home disappointing report cards.
My parents and my teachers didn’t know what to do with me. Punishments didn’t seem to work. Rewards didn’t seem to either. And, frankly, I don’t think I knew what I could do to “apply myself”. And I certainly didn’t know how to not enjoy talking with my classmates! What I knew was that I talked too much. Until grade 5.
That autumn, we had a sudden change in teachers as our elderly teacher took a medical leave. In his place, a young substitute (代课老师) arrived — Mrs Royal. She looked like she was freshly out of university and seemed too young to be cast in the role of being responsible for a class of tween, but there she was, charged with a lively group, and me.
I don’t remember many details of that year except the afternoon when I got my first report card from her. She handed out the report cards right after the afternoon break and invited us to look them over. Then she let us know that we could all talk quietly amongst ourselves while she called each student up one at a time, in alphabetical order (按字母顺序), to discuss our report cards with her.
注意：
1.续写词数应为150左右：
2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
I looked over my report card, expecting the usual result.
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Then it was my turn to talk with her.
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2．阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
Ten miles away stood a house with shiny red walls, a green garden and an apple tree. A young girl’s face would be seen reflecting from one of the large glassy windows. Her name is Maggie. Her eyes were sparkling and on her face there was a smile which could light a million candles. She seemed to be longing for a chance to play like a young child, but she had no strength in her legs because she and her family met with an accident, in which she lost both her legs.
But her spirit was strong. She would be inspired by seeing birds fly. The flying eagle would make her want to fly. She was lonely. She longed for a true friend who would talk to her and teach her to fly or at least tell her stories about soaring into the blue sky.
One evening, Maggie slowly rolled her wheelchair to the giant window and looked out to the many houses that lay across the road. Suddenly she heard someone singing and then could see an old man in a pilot suit singing in glory. The beautiful sound and the melody made the little girl happy. Suddenly he stopped and gazed up toward her. “What are you staring at ” he said angrily. “You think I’m a circus clown (马戏团小丑)” “No, Sir. I was just listening to you. You sing very well,” she said. “I don’t need your praises. I don’t need anyone!” he shouted. He started to walk to his house and shut the door. Tears rolled down from her apple-red cheeks as the man shouted at her. She was lonely.
Next morning, Maggie pushed her wheelchair across the garden to the stone road as little children played hide-and-seek around her. Suddenly out of nowhere a loading truck came rumbling across toward her. Terrified, she tried to move away from its path but the wheels of her chair were stuck. “Oh my,” she thought as the truck came in her direction fast, with the driver unaware of the obstruction in front of him. She screamed loudly but in a split second she was pulled out of her wheelchair by someone and fell on the ground. She closed her eyes and shivered as the truck passed her whistling. As she opened her eyes, she could see a man standing beside her.
注意：
1. 续写词数应为150左右；
2.请按如下格式在相应位置作答。
She gazed up to him and immediately recognized him as the man she saw singing last night.
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Maggie got to know his name was Ken and that he was a retired pilot.
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3．阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
Mama was weaving a mat (织垫子) with wild-grass stalks (茎秆) when she called to Achenyo, “Will you do me a favor and fetch me some water for the paints, Achenyo ” In the corner were pots of coloring matter she’d use to paint the finished mats. “Of course, Mama!” Achenyo picked up a clay pot as she slipped outside.
She didn’t like mat-weaving, although it was a tradition for a mother to pass on the skills to her daughter. Achenyo would rather be playing outdoors with her friends. Outside, Achenyo called to Ajuma, whose house was across from hers.
Both girls, with clay pots balanced on their heads, made their way to the Niger River. When they arrived at the water’s edge, what they found was shocking. The river was gone! In its place was a blanket of dark green leaves dotted by colored flowers.
“Oh no!” Achenyo cried. “The river is gone! There’s no water for drinking, cooking, or bathing! Mama won’t have water to mix the paints for her mats.
Last year, the rainy season brought an invasion of water hyacinths (水葫芦).The plants covered the river and left no room to put in a pot to fetch water. There was no room to bathe or swim. Fishermen couldn’t cast their nets for fish. And now the water hyacinths were back
“How could such a pretty plant cause such harm ” Achenyo wondered
The adults jumped into the water among the broad, green leaves, They began throwing them onto the riverbank. Achenyo and Ajuma joined them. When they’d cleared enough plants, the girls filled their pots with water. A pile of water hyacinths lay on the riverbank What a pity to waste such pretty flowers, Achenyo thought. She picked some for Mama, and then the girls headed home.
Each day, they found the river covered by water hyacinths as if no one had cleared the waterfront the day before. One day, as Achenyo moved an armful of dried water hyacinths out of her way, she had an idea. Carrying the plants under her arm, she ran home. “Mama, will you teach me to weave
注意：1.续写词数应为150左右；
2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Mama was too glad to pass on the mat-weaving skills to her daughter.
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Mama and Achenyo then taught their neighbors.
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4．阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
My kitchen was a mess. Clouds of flour dusted the counters, the floor, and the aprons of the women gathered there.
Peels from 40 pounds of apples were piled in the corner. Mixing bowls sticky with cinnamon and sugar tipped messily in the sink. The wrappers from 12 pounds’ worth of butter spilled from the trash. But, wow, it did smell sweet.
Six of us had gathered that Saturday morning to make apple pies. Once colleagues, now simply friends, we shared an intense curiosity about all sort s of things, and we loved to chat.
Today our curiosity and chatter were directed to pie-making. While I was no top chef, I knew how to use a rolling pin and I’d had years of practice serving up strawberry cakes, coconut cream, and sour cherry pies to my family.
Pie-making is a lot of work. Whoever coined the phrase “easy as pie” must have meant consuming, not creating. We spent hours peeling, coring, slicing, measuring, and learning to handle delicate dough (面团).
“It’s sticking to the rolling pin,” one of them said, her voice full of depression.
“Oh no, it’s cracking!” came another cry. I assured them the patched crust (皮) would simply serve as a reminder that these pies were home-made.
Outside, an October snowstorm struck heavily. Inside, though, it was all steamy windows, soft music and happy laughter as we finally put our pies into the oven.
When planning “Pie Day”, we decided that we would each make two pies: One for our families and one to donate to someone else.
By early afternoon, 12 pies had been placed on the counter, their perfectly imperfect crusts shining goldenly. We rushed to prepare for delivery, packing the pies messily in boxes and bags. We marched down the driveway. The snow had melted (融化); the roads were clear. It was time to deliver.
Then, disaster struck. One of the painstakingly crafted pies melted through the bag it was packed in and fell onto the driveway. Screams of horror followed.
注意：
1.续写词数应为150左右；
2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
One friend ran back into the kitchen and returned with forks.
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The best part was still to come: Handing out pies was even better than eating pies.
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参考答案
1．
I looked over my report card, expecting the usual result. But to my surprise, her feedback was different. Instead of focusing on the negatives, she pointed out the improvements I had made. She acknowledged my efforts, however small, and encouraged me to keep working on my weaknesses. I double-checked and made sure it was definitely my report card. Even though we had been given permission to talk amongst ourselves, I had very little to say to friends as I waited anxiously for her to call my name.
Then it was my turn to talk with her. She began with a warm smile, “You have any questions for me ” I remember looking down at my report card and saying, “I don’t get A’s, besides, nowhere on here does it say I talk too much.” She said, “I figured you already knew you talked too much, so I thought I could tell you something different. As for the grades, you earned the A’s.” From that day on, I knew I was capable of “straight A’s” and could have qualities other than that of a student who talked too much in class.
【写作分析】本文以学生的学习经历和改变为线索展开，讲述了“我”在小学早期是一个成绩中等且爱在课堂上讲话的学生。由于这种不良习惯，“我”不仅影响了自己的学习，还对同学产生了负面影响，导致常常带回家令人失望的成绩单。尽管父母和老师尝试了各种方法，但都没有显著效果。直到五年级时，班里来了一位年轻的代课老师Mrs Royal，她以不同的教学方式处理成绩单，让“我”对自己的学习问题有了新的认识和期待。
【要点解析】1. 段落续写：
①由第一段首句内容“我看了看我的成绩单，期待着和往常一样的结果。”可知，第一段可描写作者得到的成绩单和往常不同。
②由第二段首句内容“然后轮到我和她说话了。”可知，第二段可描写作者和Mrs Royal交流的具体内容。
2. 续写线索：成绩单反馈不同——肯定进步——开始谈话——给于肯定——感动。
3. 词汇激活
行为类
①指出：point out/identify
②鼓励：encourage/inspire
③认为：figure/think
情绪类
①惊讶：surprise/astonishment
②焦急地：anxiously/nervously
[高分句型1]Even though we had been given permission to talk amongst ourselves, I had very little to say to friends as I waited anxiously for her to call my name.(运用了even though引导的让步状语从句和as引导的时间状语从句)
[高分句型2] I don’t get A’s, besides, nowhere on here does it say I talk too much.(运用了nowhere位于句首的倒装句以及省略that的宾语从句)
2．She gazed up to him and immediately recognized him as the man she saw singing last night." Thank you for saving me," she said in gratitude," and I ' m sorry if I bothered you last night with my listening." The man looked at her, a softness in his eyes." I didn’t mean to be so harsh." he said, his voice filled with remorse. The softness opened Maggie’s heart. She poured out her story of the accident, her longing for a friend, and her obsession with flying. Ken listened intently, his heart going out to the young girl." And I don’t seem to be the only one who loves flying." said the girl, eyeing the man’s uniform.
Maggie got to know his name was Ken and that he was a retired pilot. As the sun began to set, Maggie learned so much about Ken that she realized that she had found a true friend in Ken. For the first time in a long time, she felt genuine happiness. The next day, Ken came back to visit Maggie with a small gift, a book about flying. Maggie’s face lit up as she flipped through the pages, imagining herself soaring through the clouds. Many afternoons saw them in the garden, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Their friendship grew stronger with each passing day.
【写作分析】本文以人物为线索展开，讲述了一个名叫麦琪的年轻女孩，因为一次事故失去了双腿。尽管身体受到限制，麦琪的精神依然坚强。她渴望找到一个真正的朋友，能和她交谈、教她飞翔，或者至少给她讲述关于蓝天的故事。一天，麦琪在窗前听到一个老人唱歌，她很开心地欣赏着。但老人却生气地责备她，并走回自己的房子。麦琪感到非常孤独。第二天，当一辆货车朝她驶来时，她被一个人拉出轮椅并躺在地上，幸免于难。她睁开眼睛看到的人正是昨晚唱歌的那个男人。他们互相交流，麦琪向他倾诉了她的故事。她发现这个男人名叫肯，是一位退休飞行员。他们成为了真正的朋友，每天在花园里笑着相处。他们的友谊与日俱增。
【要点解析】1.段落续写：
①由第一段首句内容“她抬头望着他，立刻认出他就是昨晚唱歌的那个人。”可知，第一段可描写麦琪表达感谢以及向肯讲述她的故事。
②由第二段首句内容“麦琪知道他的名字叫肯，是一名退休飞行员。”可知，第二段可描写麦琪了解肯的很多事情以及他们成为了好朋友。。
2.续写线索：麦琪抬头望着他并且认出他——麦琪表达感谢——麦琪讲述自己的故事——了解肯的事情——他们成为好朋友——感悟
3.词汇激活
行为类
①打扰：bothered/ disturbed
②.渴望：long for / yearn for
③.意识到：realized /be aware of
情绪类
①.感谢：thank/showing her appreciation/show her gratitude/be grateful
②.专心地：intently / attentively
[高分句型1]. And I don’t seem to be the only one who loves flying.（运用了关系代词who引导的定语从句。）
[高分句型2]. Maggie’s face lit up as she flipped through the pages, imagining herself soaring through the clouds.（运用现在分词imagining作状语。）
3．
Mama was too glad to pass on the mat-weaving skills to her daughter. But she was doubtful about the water hyacinth stalks. Achenyo insisted that the water hyacinth stalks would be strong enough to be made into schoolbags to carry books, and baskets to take vegetables to the market. So, Mama began to teach Achenyo how to separate the stalks from the leaves, how to bend the woven rope into a round shape and how to tie the ropes together. Achenyo learned very quickly and soon she could weave bags and baskets all by herself.
Mama and Achenyo then taught their neighbors. They were all eager to make their own crafts using those water hyacinth stalks, which now seemed not so annoying. They made schoolbags for their children, and baskets, trays, and chair mats for daily use. By the end of the rainy season, the villagers were eager to go to the river every morning to harvest water hyacinths. They no longer thought of the plant as an invader, but a provider. Achenyo was proud that she made a difference to her community.
【写作分析】本篇书面表达是读后续写。本文以人物为线索展开。妈妈在织垫子时叫阿琴约帮她取些水来拌颜料。阿琴约不喜欢织垫子，但还是愉快地答应了。她和朋友阿朱玛去尼日尔河取水，却发现河水不见了，取而代之的是一片布满彩色花朵的绿色叶子。原来，去年雨季水葫芦入侵，覆盖了整条河，导致无法取水、沐浴或捕鱼。成人和孩子们开始清理水葫芦。阿琴约觉得这些花扔掉可惜，便捡了一些给妈妈。每天清理的水葫芦第二天又会重新覆盖河面，这让阿琴约想到一个主意。她拿着干枯的水葫芦跑回家问妈妈：“你能教我织东西吗？”
【要点解析】1.段落续写
①由第一段句首内容“妈妈很高兴把编织垫子的技艺传给女儿。”可知，第一段可以描写妈妈教阿琴约的过程。
②由第二段句首内容“然后，妈妈和阿琴约教他们的邻居。”可知，第二段可以描写妈妈和阿琴约教他们的邻居的过程和因此带来的变化。
2.续写线索：传艺给女儿——学会编织——二人教邻居——变化——感到骄傲
3.词汇激活
行为类
①坚持：insist/persist
②开始：begin/start
③教导：teach/instruct
情绪类
①怀疑的：doubtful/skeptical
②烦人的：annoying/tiresome
【高分句型1】Achenyo insisted that the water hyacinth stalks would be strong enough to be made into schoolbags to carry books, and baskets to take vegetables to the market.( 运用了that引导的宾语从句)
【高分句型2】They were all eager to make their own crafts using those water hyacinth stalks, which now seemed not so annoying.( 运用了which引导的定语从句)
【高分句型3】Achenyo was proud that she made a difference to her community. ( 运用了that引导的宾语从句)
4．第一段：One friend ran back into the kitchen and returned with forks. We looked for every last bit of the fallen pie, laughing and crying at the same time. It was a moment of pure joy and connection, as we realized that even in the face of disaster, there is always something to be grateful for. The incident only made our pies more precious, reminding us of the hard work and love that went into each one.
第二段：The best part was still to come: Handing out pies was even better than eating pies. As we knocked on doors and surprised strangers with our sweet gifts, we were met with smiles and gratitude. People were amazed that we would take the time to bake pies for them, and their reactions filled us with a sense of purpose and happiness. One woman even cried tears of joy, saying that it had been a difficult year and this unexpected act of kindness meant the world to her. By the end of the day, we felt exhausted but fulfilled, knowing that we had brought a little bit of warmth and sweetness into the lives of others.
【写作分析】本文以“派”为线索展开，故事讲述了作者和朋友周末聚在一起做苹果派，在策划“派日”时，她们决定每人做两个派：一个给家人，一个捐给别人，把温暖快乐送给家人并传递到社会。虽然很费事，但她们很开心；虽然外面非常寒冷，但她们做派的场面充满温情；虽然在制作和分发的过程中有些小小的失误，但她们总能以乐观的情怀去应对。
【要点解析】1.段落续写：
①由第一段首句内容“一个朋友跑回厨房，拿着叉子回来。”可知，第一段可描写那个朋友寻找掉在路上的苹果派并捡起来以及她们的想法和体验。
②由第二段首句内容“最精彩的部分还在后面：分发派甚至比吃苹果派更好。”可知，第二段可描写作者和朋友们分发苹果派的快乐过程。
2.续写线索：寻找——捡起——分发——惊喜——感激——辛苦但快乐——感悟
3.词汇激活
行为类
①. 寻找：look for/seek
②. 遇到：meet with/come across
情绪类
①. 感谢：be grateful/show gratitude
②. 惊讶的：amazed/surprised
[高分句型1]. The incident only made our pies more precious, reminding us of the hard work and love that went into each one. (由非谓语动词现在分词作状语)
[高分句型2]. One woman even cried tears of joy, saying that it had been a difficult year and this unexpected act of kindness meant the world to her. (由非谓语动词现在分词作状语和that引导的宾语从句)(共21张PPT)
读后续写作基本技法
(2021·新高考Ⅰ卷)
A MOTHER’S DAY SURPRISE
The twins were filled with excitement as they thought of the surprise they were planning for Mother’s Day. How pleased and proud Mother would be when they brought her breakfast in bed. They planned to make French toast and chicken porridge. They had watched their mother in the kitchen. There was nothing to it. Jenna and Jeff knew exactly what to do.
The big day came at last. The alarm rang at 6 a.m. The pair went down the stairs quietly to the kitchen. They decided to boil the porridge first. They put some rice into a pot of water and left it to boil while they made the French toast. Jeff broke two eggs into a plate and added in some milk. Jenna found the bread and put two slices into the egg mixture. Next, Jeff turned on the second stove burner to heat up the frying pan. Everything was going smoothly until Jeff started frying the bread. The pan was too hot and the bread turned black within seconds. Jenna threw the burnt piece into the sink and put in the other slice of bread. This time, she turned down the fire so it cooked nicely.
Then Jeff noticed steam shooting out of the pot and the lid starting to shake. The next minute, the porridge boiled over and put out the fire. Jenna panicked. Thankfully, Jeff stayed calm and turned off the gas quickly. But the stove was a mess now. Jenna told Jeff to clean it up so they could continue to cook the rest of the porridge. But Jeff’s hand touched the hot burner and he gave a cry of pain. Jenna made him put his hand in cold water. Then she caught the smell of burning. Oh dear! The piece of bread in the pan had turned black as well.
注意:续写词数应为150个左右。
As the twins looked around them in disappointment, their father appeared. ____
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up. _______
____________________________________________________________________
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Step 1:厘清主题，把握走向
要素 描述 主 题
when Mother’s Day 本文以母亲节为线索展开,讲述了双胞胎Jenna和Jeff为了献给母亲一份美味的早餐,自己动手做起早餐来,但不幸的是,他们接连失败,后来在父亲的帮助下获得成功,他们把早餐献给亲爱的母亲,母亲非常感动的故事。
where At home
who The twins—Jeff and Jenna
what The pair prepared breakfast for their mother.
why They wanted to give their mother a surprise.
Step 2:寻找主线，深挖要点
文段 线索 文脉线索
前文 情感线 excited→disappointed
故事线 First, they boiled the porridge.→Next, they made the French toast.→A slice of bread turned black.→Then they found the porridge boiled over and put out the fire.→The other piece of bread turned black, too.
续写 要点 1.They made the bread and then went on cooking porridge. 2.Their mother was surprised to find the breakfast cooked by Jeff and Jenna.
Step 3:精研首句，起承转合
根据所给续文段落首句产生问题链接,形成续写思路,采用G-N(Given-New)和Q-A(Question-Answer)策略,做好起承转合,创造新的情节。
Paragraph 1: As the twins looked around them in disappointment, their father appeared.
Q1: What was Father’s first instinct when faced with the mess
Q2: How did the twins explain their plan to their father
Q3: What did Father do to help the twins to make delicious French toast and chicken porridge
Paragraph 2:The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.
Q1: What was Mother’s first instinct when the twins woke her up
Q2: Would the twins give Mother a big surprise How did they express their best wishes to Mother
Q3: How did Mother feel How can you design the ending more appealing and meaningful
续写第一段梗概 Their father helped them adjust the fire and they prepared breakfast successfully.How happy they were!
续写第二段梗概 The twins’ mother was surprised to see the delicious and perfect breakfast in front of her.She was deeply moved by her children.
Step 4:吃透语言，风格一致
为了使所写的内容和语言和原文保持连贯性和一致性,读后续写需要通过在理解原文的基础上,巧妙利用 “拉平效应”,创造性地模仿和使用语言,即继承原文语言表达方面的显著特征,包括写作手法及语言表达技巧,从而一方面保证写作的效率和流畅度,另一方面保证写作在各个语言层次和表达风格上和原文保持一致。
通过分析语篇,可以从五个方面理解原文的语言应用技巧:
1.场景描写(Surroundings)
场景描写指的是描写人、物、事发生的时间、地点、自然环境及社会场景等。场景描写可以充当背景信息,提供人、物、事发生的具体设定。其次,场景描写可以表达角色的感情、情绪,可以随着情节的发展有所变化,甚至可以提示、推动情节的发展,增强语篇的代入感。
2.动作描写(Actions)
动作描写指的是描写人物在具体情况下的行为举止,是情节发展的具体体现。恰到好处的动作描写不仅可以塑造生动形象的人物,还可以反映人物的情感态度及心理变化,并最终反映人物的性格特点及思想品质。
3.心理描写(Feelings)
心理描写指的是描写人物在具体情况下的看法、感受、情感及心理活动,并由此反映人物的性格特点及思想品质。心理描写除了对心理的直接描写,还可以结合动作描写及场景描写,共同构成有意义、紧凑的语篇。
4.有效对话(Effective Dialogues)
有效对话是记叙语篇中塑造人物的一个重要手段。对话的有效性首先体现在符合人物设定,这样不仅能够有效地推动情节的发展,更能够增加记叙的生动性。此外,对话语言也要符合记叙语篇的语言特点,即生活化、简化及去书面化。
5.修辞(Figures of speech)
修辞是增加语言生动性的最佳手段。它可以引起共鸣,使抽象的情境具体化。常见的可以应用的修辞有比喻、拟人、夸张和排比等。
考场满分作文1:
As the twins looked around them in disappointment, their father appeared.①Father’s appearing was like a savior to the two children.②Under the guidance of their father, they took positive action and started all over again.They made the bread and then went on cooking porridge.Father helped them adjust the fire, ③which was the key to success.It was all right this time.Delicious breakfast was ready.④How happy they were!
The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.⑤When their mother saw the delicious and perfect breakfast in front of her, she was very surprised.
⑥It was not only the gift, but the love of the children for her that moved her very much.The two children could finish cooking a breakfast, which she didn’t expect.The children said loudly, ⑦“Happy Mother’s Day! ” ⑧Mother hugged them tightly and kissed them again and again.
评卷老师点评:
①过渡自然流畅。
②时态、语境和前文相互照应。
③使用高分句式。
④使用高分句式。
⑤使用高分句式。
⑥使用并列结构。
⑦使用直接引语,生动真实。
⑧动作及情感表达真实细腻。
考场满分作文2:
As the twins looked around them in disappointment, their father appeared.Faced with the mess the twins had made of the kitchen, Father felt annoyed but tried to contain himself.Jenna ran up to him, whispering “We...We just want to make breakfast for Mom as Mother’s Day gift.” After he learned what all was about, his annoyance gave way to relief and delight.Immediately, he joined them and they started all over again.Soon the French toast and chicken porridge were ready. The kitchen filled with the scent of breakfast and sweetness of a family.Looking at the work, the three exchanged an understanding smile.After signaling them to keep it a secret, Father slipped into the bedroom, pretending to know nothing about it.
The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.Still a little sleepy, Mother failed to figure out what they were up to.“Happy Mother’s Day!” The twins congratulated.“We made breakfast for you as you do that for us.Mom, we love you!” Though still in her pajamas, Mother took a bite of the toast and sipped the hot porridge.Lost in the delicious breakfast and pure love from her twins, she sobbed, with delightful tears streaming down her face.Lovingly, she pressed two gentle kisses on their foreheads, proudly enjoying their best wishes.Their father was standing in the doorway, recording this touching scene.The whole room was bathed in a happy Mother’s Day atmosphere.
评卷老师点评:
文章用词精准(whisper, understanding, signal, pretend, lost in, stream down, proudly等),句式高级(非谓语动词、独立主格和介词with的复合结构等),通过动作、对话和心理活动等描写,生动、形象地呈现了双胞胎孩子在母亲节为妈妈做早餐,献上一份特别的节日礼物和惊喜。
考场满分作文3:
As the twins looked around them in disappointment, their father appeared.Seeing the mess,Father froze with shock, as if rooted on the ground. From the black bread and the spilled porridge, he suddenly figured out their secret.A smile of understanding flashed across his face.He realized their intention.He joined them in preparing the Mother’s Day surprise immediately.They started all over again.Everything went smoothly.The chicken and rice were dancing harmoniously in the boiling water pot and bread slices were showing off its most tremendous golden color. Soon the French toast and chicken porridge were ready. The kitchen filled with the scent of breakfast and sweetness of a family.Despite the oil stains on the twins’ aprons, nothing seemed imperfect, and all was in place except the most important one.
The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.Still a little sleepy, Mother failed to figure out what they were up to, but the cheerful “Happy Mother’s Day” from the two sweeties brought her back to reality.The breakfast with love made by her twins really struck her heartstrings.Mother kissed them and gave them each a bear hug, saying “Oh dear, thank you my sweeties.What a big surprise!” The next moment, she woke up Father, eager to share the blessing and the inviting breakfast seasoned with love.Father, who had been awake, cooperatively rubbed his eyes and took a big bite, winking at the twins secretly.After all, the surprise did make a sweet surprise!
评卷老师点评:
文章通过动作、对话和心理活动等描写,生动、形象地呈现了双胞胎孩子在母亲节为妈妈做早餐,献上一份特别的节日礼物和惊喜。在故事情节推进的过程中,运用语篇分析的主位推进理论、呼应和修辞等手法来揭示语篇的感恩、互爱的主题,让人豁然明白“我们平时认为妈妈无条件的爱和支持是理所当然,没什么大不了的。等到自己回报母爱时,却发现并不轻松”, 反映内心触动和成长历程。
