(共23张PPT)
专题二 读后续写
第2讲 微观把握 突破读后续写
技法五 精细打磨续写语言
●技法点拨
构思好续写情节以后，下一步就是进行续写。在阅卷时，阅卷老师首要关注的是续写的语言，因此续写语言的高低与否直接决定着续写的成功与否。首先要规避常见错误，确保拿到及格分，再次要尽力提升写作的语言，努力达到最高档。
一、动作描写
1．精准化
使用精准化动作类词汇对动作进行细致描写。用一系列小动作而不用大动作，或者用含义比较明确的动词而不用抽象或虚化的动词来描述，可以使描写更加具体生动。试比较下面两句：
①The little boy said sorry to his mother.
②The little boy hung his head and mumbled an apology to his mother.
【解析】 句①中“said sorry to”不带任何感彩，而句②中使用了具体化的表示“说”的动词mumbled，从而使一个不愿意道歉又不得不道歉的小男孩的形象栩栩如生地复现在读者脑海中。
2．过程化
记叙文中有不少动作描写是一连串动作过程的展示。尤其在展示人物个性的动作时，如果我们蜻蜓点水、一笔带过，就很难突出人物形象，也很难给人以深刻的印象，而通过细节描写展现出动作的过程，表现力就会大增。试比较下面两句：
①She went to catch the butterfly.
②She crept along the path, bent over swiftly and cupped her hands around the butterfly gently.
【解析】 句①在描写主人公捕捉蝴蝶的动作时，没有细致的动作过程描写，因此显得很平淡。而句②使用了creep，bend over，cup三个连贯的动词(短语)生动具体地描述了主人公小心翼翼捕捉蝴蝶的微妙过程，具有极强的画面感。因此，在续写过程中，在必要的地方恰当使用一连串的动词来表示过程，能为文章增添不少色彩。
3．修辞化
可以利用恰当的修辞手法来帮助描写动作。比喻、拟人、夸张等修辞手法都能让动作描写变得更有表现力。
(1)比喻
①The old man's face wrinkled.
②The old man's face was like a withered apple.
【解析】 句②使用了比喻手法，不说“皱起来”，而说“像一个枯萎的苹果”，使得对于脸部的描述更加生动形象。
(2)拟人
①My stomach was aching for not eating on time.
②My stomach was punishing me for not eating on time.
【解析】 句②使用了拟人手法，不说“疼痛”，而说“惩罚我”，更加生动有趣。
(3)夸张
①When she heard the bad news, she cried.
②When she heard the bad news, a river of tears poured out.
【解析】 句②使用了夸张手法，不说“哭”，而说“泪流如河”，悲伤之情跃然纸上。
二、心理描写
1．落实“细微处”描写
在描写人物心理活动时，一定要突出细节，所有的感情都体现在“细微处”，所以尽量不用笼统的词，如smile，cry等，而用相关的细节性词汇或词组。如：
①Lily smiled happily.
②Lily wore a shining smile on her face.
【解析】 句①中“smiled”是一个笼统的描述微笑的词汇，而句②中使用了wore a shining smile，用词组的形式更加突出细节，展示了细微和精致的“微笑”。
2．体现“多样性”结构
在进行人物心理描写时，尽量避免平铺直叙，可以多采用如非谓语动词形式，从而使得描写到位，并体现语法结构的多样性。如：
①Her eyes were filled with tears, and she offered her sincere thanks to the man.
②Tears filling her eyes, she offered her sincere thanks to the man.
【解析】 句②把句①的“Her eyes were filled with tears”改成了独立主格结构“Tears filling her eyes”，更能显示出描写的细致，同时也体现了句式的多样化，展示了高超的语言运用能力。
三、对话描写
1．注重语言简洁
在对人物冲突进行具体的对话描写时，要注意语言简洁，切忌“长舌妇式”的语言重复。如：
① “What is the matter now？What's wrong with you？Is it OK with you？What has happened to you？”asked the wife.“Maybe I have made some mistakes.I just can't remember why I come back, and I just think where I am supposed to be going on such a hot summer day，” replied the professor.
② “What's wrong with you？” asked the wife.“I just can't remember why I come back and where I am supposed to be going on such a hot summer day，” replied the professor.
【解析】 句①中多次重复同一意思“你怎么了”，而句②中则简化了妻子的表达，对教授的回答也进行了缩减。
2．体现真实情感
在对人物进行对话描写时，真情实感是贴切人物的最好表达，尽量避免过于“高大上”或“假大空”，脱离人物的真实身份。如：
①“You have had a sound sleep！” the old lady shouted.“It's time to open your eyes! We're in a risky situation and we will have a big deal to make！”
②“What a rich lie！”Nancy thought after Jerry left.“Rich man always tells rich lies.He never took you to any places.And don't let him charm you.He betrayed us, your beloved father.He cast us out.He cast us out of his big fancy house like we were nothing to him.He did it happily！”
【解析】 从句①中，我们不难发现作者对老妇人的真情实感的描写，体现了老妇人急迫的个性和对生活的不顺心而大发脾气的妇女形象。同时，结合三个感叹句，更好地体现了老妇人的急躁的心理。由此，读者也能够通过该对话，体会到语言的美感。句②中，我们可以发现Nancy的痛苦之处，深深地体会到了当时社会对底层老百姓的漠视和不公，同时我们也能够通过Nancy的话语，感受到她当时的愤怒之情，这就是对话语言的魅力所在。
3．注意描写比重
在对人物冲突进行具体的对话描写时，要注意其在文章段落中的比重问题，切忌以全对话或大部分对话代替其他细节描写。如：
“In the garden？” Sam asked nervously.“I actually have given all I have to you! So, please do not hurt me or kill me.I beg you！” Jessica also told the thief, “Do you want all our belongings？They are all in our bedroom.I will lead you to get them.Of course, we are rich and we have a lot of money.All will be given to you if you do not hurt or kill us, please, please！” The thief said, “Of course.I will not kill you too! OK.You are so good.I will not kill you if I get this.Give all to me now！” Just at that time, there was a knock at the door and the police came to the door.
【解析】 从本段的描写中我们不难发现，几乎全段都是对话语言描写，而且话语多次重复和啰嗦，难以很好地表达主人公的内心情感，也难以让读者体会到英语语言的美。所以，在续写过程中，一定要读透文本，理解文本中的语言特色，然后相应地遵循原文续写，保持语言的一致性。
四、外貌性格描写
1．描写五官体形
在描写人物外貌时，要注意学会用不同的表达，对人物进行“从上到下”的细致刻画，包括发型装扮、脸部表情、身体状况、手脚情况、年龄状态等。如：
①Looking at his weather-worn face, I was surprised.
②She is of medium height, very slim, but her face is as white as snow.
【解析】 句①中的weather-worn face表示“饱经风霜的脸”；句②中medium height说明“中等身高”，as white as snow来说明“脸色惨白”。这两句中，通过扩展对人物具体外貌的修饰，达到了增加描写的作用。
2．突出人物情绪
对于人物的性格描写，一定要突出人物的个性，尽量避免用过于笼统的词，而应该采用相对比较细致的词汇或句式，来对人物进行“个性化”描写。如：
①He is good-time Charlie, feeling no worries and anxieties.
②Jerry is a self-possessed man, whose face never betrays his emotions.
【解析】 句①中用good-time Charlie来描述他的乐观，用词要比optimistic更加形象；而句②中用self-possessed 和never betrays his emotions 来细致描述杰里的个性，体现细节描写对人物个性的刻画。
3．采用并列表达
在进行人物外貌描写时，不一定是单一性的描写，而更多的可以采用并列式或递进式的表达方式。如：
The light showed a pale, square-jawed face with keen eyes, and a little white scar near his left eyebrow.
【解析】 本句在描写人物外貌时，采用了with和and的并列或伴随结构，使得表达更加丰富。
五、环境描写
通过对环境的描写，能够向读者交代故事的背景，衬托人物，渲染气氛，从而推动情节发展。此外，作者可以通过环境描写向读者间接地表达故事中主人公的内心情感变化。环境描写分为客观和主观两种角度：客观描写从环境事物本身入手；主观描写则从观察者角度描写。通常在描写时主客观交替进行。原则上，主观描写比重可以稍大一点。
1．客观环境描写
客观环境的描写，常从环境本身入手，尽量突出“感官体验”，如强调“风雨雷电”或“花鸟虫鱼”等自然界所存在的事物本身，以及它们给人们带来的感受，如声音、气味、颜色、感觉、味道等。如：
①A cold breeze blew through my hair.
② The water was deep blue and sunlight glittered on its looking glass-clear surface.
【解析】 句①描述的是风给我带来的感觉；句②则是视觉上的感受。
2．主观环境描写
主观环境描写则从观察者角度入手，表达“景物给人带来何种感受”，所以在表达上常是“我觉得……”“我看到……”。如：
①The beautiful scenery in the countryside kept me spellbound.
②Then I glanced up and saw a pair of kites, red with long blue tails, soaring in the sky.
【解析】 句①中的“景物使我如此陶醉”，描述的是美景给我的感受；句②中“我抬起头，望见两只红色的风筝，带着长长的蓝色尾巴，在天空中冉冉升起”也是从观察者的角度来写环境。 专题二 第2讲 技法五
模拟练 提考能
(2024·江西省赣州市高三一模)
Donna is my sister, and I had always considered her beautiful.Our father called her his princess, and in high school, she was known as the school babe.Our parents were protective of us, particularly our father, who kept close watch over the friends she made.
One Saturday in April, a boy invited Donna to a park with four other friends.Unfortunately, on their way to the park, their car crashed into a guardrail and flipped over three times before it came to a stop on its roof.Donna was pulled from the car and rushed to the hospital without delay.
Donna was in the hospital for two weeks.Many of her friends went to see her, especially Claudia, who was there a lot.However, Mom and Dad never liked Claudia.I don't really know why.They just didn't like her being around.
Donna returned home with the entire top half of her head shaved.She had hundreds of stitches (缝线), some of which came across her forehead and between her left eye and eyebrow.Knowing Donna's concern for her appearance, Mom found her a human hair wig (假发) that perfectly matched her hair.
Donna finally recovered and went back to school.But she never felt good in school.There was a very loud-mouthed, self-centered girl in Donna's class who took great pleasure in teasing her.This girl, seated behind Donna, would pull slightly on Donna's wig and mockingly said, “Hey, Wiggy, let's see your scars (伤疤)．” Then she would laugh.
Donna endured this mistreatment in silence until the day she told Claudia.From then on, Claudia kept a close eye on my sister, preventing anyone from bothering her.There was something about Claudia that was frightening, even to the worst kids in school.Nobody messed with her.Unfortunately, though, Claudia wasn't always around, and the teasing and name-calling continued.
注意：
1．续写词数应为150左右；
2．请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
One day, Claudia came to our home with a special surprise.
Donna and Claudia wore their wigs for over a year.
【范文】
One day Claudia came to our home with a special surprise.Knowing how awful Donna felt about her hair, she had shaved off her own beautiful long brown hair.The next day, they went wig shopping, selecting identical blond and brown wigs.When they went to school that Monday, Claudia was ready for the teasers.In a vocabulary not allowed inside school walls, she set them straight so that anyone ready to tease my sister knew they would have to mess with Claudia.It didn't take long for the message to get through.
Donna and Claudia wore their wigs for over a year.They waited until they felt comfortable revealing their natural hair.Donna, having developed a stronger self-confidence and acceptance, eventually went to school without the wigs.With Claudia's strong support, Donna got through the toughest moment in school, graduated from high school, got married, and is now a mother of two.Twenty-eight years after the accident, Donna and Claudia remain good friends, sharing happiness and facing the storms in life together, embracing a beautiful future together.
※小贴士：读后续写失分点
1．时间不够用，无法认真、顺利完成“理解—构思—表达”全过程。
2．违背逻辑常识，情节和细节的想象要合理，符合生活常识的同时做到逻辑性强。
3．用过多的对话，在续写中使用对话，虽然能够丰富内容和语言、增强语篇的连贯性，但是过多使用对话会显得累赘，冲淡需要突出的主要情节。
4．词数不够(词数少于130的，从总分中减去2分)，情节过于肤浅，描写不详细，人物对话不到位。
5．续写内容与文章主旨不符合，故事情节与上文不连贯，没能充分考虑到所给的段落提示句对续写故事的发展的提示、衔接、引导和一定程度地限制作用。有的甚至瞎编乱造，不顾及上文各情节之间的逻辑关系。
6．语言基本功欠缺，语法结构错误，词汇贫乏，人称混乱，时态混用。
7．表达内容不丰富，语言能力不强，缺乏可读性。
8．书写不规范，字迹不工整，难识别。
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