广州市南沙区2025-2026学年高三上学期11月阶段检测英语试题
读后续写二次开发学案学生版
阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整短文。
A proud young man was constantly on the hunt for a new and exciting pastime.One day,he heard some folks chatting about the amazing experiences of hiking in the national parks.The idea of exploring the great outdoors filled him with enthusiasm,and he immediately decided to give it a go himself.
As he set off on his walk,feeling confident and full of energy, an old man with a weather-beaten face walked up to him.The old man's eyes were filled with concern as he said, "Don't go this way.Beware!The paths here are not clearly marked.It's so easy to get lost in these woods."
But the young man just laughed at the old man's words.He stood up straight,held his head high,and said proudly,"I've studied maps of this area in great detail.I have a good knowledge of these trails.There's no way that I'll get lost.”"
The old man listened patiently to the young man's words.Then,with a sigh,he warned him about his pride."I've walked these trails my entire life,"he said calmly."If you think you'll be safe, then go ahead.”
The young man simply rolled his eyes and paid no attention to the old man.He started along the trail,and every time he came to a place where he could choose between an easy or a difficult route,he always went for the more challenging one.Also,he was so busy showing off his courage that he didn't notice which direction he was going.
After a while,he decided it was time to head back home.But because his path through the woods had been so winding and indirect,he had no idea where he really was.He took out his map, but no matter how hard he tried,he couldn't figure out his position.He walked from one path to another,but soon realized he was completely lost.
注意：
1. 续写词数应为150左右；
2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Para 1:
The sun was going down,and sudden strong winds suggested that it might rain
Para 2:
When he arrived home,he knew that he was lucky to be alive.
【原文翻译】
一个骄傲的年轻人总在寻觅新鲜刺激的消遣方式。一天，他听到有人闲聊在国家公园徒步的奇妙经历 —— 探索广袤户外的想法让他满心热忱，他立刻决定亲自尝试一番。
他满怀自信、精力充沛地出发徒步，这时一位面容饱经风霜的老人朝他走来。老人眼中满是担忧，开口说道：“别走这条路，当心！这里的路线标识不清，在这片树林里很容易迷路。”
可年轻人却嘲笑老人的话。他挺直身子、昂首挺胸，骄傲地说：“我仔细研究过这片区域的地图，对这些路线了如指掌，绝不可能迷路。”
老人耐心听完年轻人的话，随后叹了口气，提醒他别被骄傲冲昏头脑。“我一辈子都在这些路线上走，” 老人平静地说，“如果你觉得自己安全，那就去吧。”
年轻人只是翻了个白眼，对老人的话置之不理。他沿着路线出发，每当遇到能选择轻松路线或困难路线的岔口，他总会选更具挑战性的那条。而且，他一门心思炫耀自己的勇气，根本没注意自己在往哪个方向走。
过了一会儿，他决定该返程回家了。可由于他在树林里走的路线太过曲折迂回，他完全不知道自己身在何处。他掏出地图，可无论怎么努力，都无法确定自己的位置。他在一条条路线间来回穿梭，很快便意识到，自己彻底迷路了。
【写作训练步骤】
一、通读全文，深度解读
1. 读情节
开端
发展
转折
续写第一段
续写第二段
2. 读人物
“我”
George
女婿
岳父
3. 读时态
全文以________________为主。
4. 读冲突
外在冲突
内在冲突
5. 读情绪发展
年轻人：热情高涨（决定徒步）→ 骄傲不屑（嘲笑老人）→ 兴奋炫耀（选难路）→ 迷茫焦虑（发现迷路）→（续写发展：_________________________）→（续写结局：___________________）老人：关切担忧（主动提醒）→ 无奈惋惜（被忽视）→（续写发展：_____________________）
6. 读主题
二、【十句五定法】—— 搭建你的写作框架
请根据两个段落的开头语，构思并完成以下句子，以搭建清晰的段落结构。
段落 句子功能 你的句子构思
第一段 1. 接续 Hint1 描写环境恶化的细节（如 ______________________________________），烘托紧张氛围。
2. 动作 / 心理推进 刻画年轻人的恐慌与挣扎（如 __________________________________）。
3. 有效过渡 描写年轻人的绝望与反思（如 __________________________________）。
4. 有效衔接 描述救援契机（如 ________________________________________）。
5. 段落收束 以年轻人的愧疚与获救的希望收尾（如 __________________________）。
第二段 6. 接续 Hint2 描写回家途中的互动（如 _____________________________________）。
7. 情节发展 描写安全到家的场景（如 _____________________________________）。
8. 主题升华 通过年轻人的内心感悟（如 ____________________________________）。
9. 结局呈现 描写年轻人的蜕变（如 _______________________________________）。
10. 富有余韵的结尾 用象征或场景定格收尾（如 ________________________________）。
三、【微写作训练】—— 打磨你的语言
1. 人物心理描写
恐慌 / 绝望（年轻人迷路遇恶劣天气）：_______________________________________________（太阳下山、雨水落下时，恐慌席卷全身 —— 他完全不知道自己身在何处，呼啸的狂风让每一处阴影都像威胁。）
愧疚 / 感激（年轻人见到老人救援）：_________________________________________________（看到老人时，愧疚与感激涌上心头 —— 他真希望当初没有嘲笑，而是听从了那个警告。）
醒悟 / 谦逊（年轻人回家后）：_______________________________________________________（回想那个夜晚，一种谦逊感油然而生 —— 骄傲差点让他丧命，而倾听他人并非软弱，而是智慧。）
2. 情感描写
骄傲与不屑：_______________________________________________________________________（年轻人的骄傲蒙蔽了双眼 —— 他认为老人的警告是懦弱的表现，还急于通过选择最难的路线来证明自己的勇气。）
绝望与懊悔：_______________________________________________________________________（大雨倾盆，绝望悄然蔓延，他痛恨自己的愚蠢 —— 如果当初听了建议，现在早已安全到家。）
温暖与释然：_______________________________________________________________________（老人温和的话语与沉稳的身影让他平静下来 —— 那一夜，他第一次看到希望的微光，骄傲的重担也随之卸下。）
3. 动作描写
恐慌挣扎（年轻人）：________________________________________________________________（他在泥泞中踉跄，树枝划伤了脸，同时用尽全身力气呼救。他慌乱地摸出手机，手指颤抖，却没有任何信号 —— 他沮丧地把地图扔在地上。）
救援引路（老人）：__________________________________________________________________（老人高举手电筒，光束穿透雨幕，示意他跟上。他步伐沉稳，用登山杖试探前方路面，还时不时回头确认年轻人是否跟上。）
致歉感恩（年轻人）：________________________________________________________________（他冲向老人，泪水与雨水在脸上交织，深深鞠躬：“对不起 —— 我当初应该听你的。” 他伸出手握住老人的手，自己的手还因释然而颤抖。）
4. 环境象征描写
风雨山林→困境与考验：_____________________________________________________________（漆黑多雨的山林不仅仅是一个地方 —— 它们是对年轻人骄傲的考验，迫使他直面自己的愚蠢，领悟他人智慧的珍贵。）
手电筒光束→希望与指引：___________________________________________________________（老人的手电筒光束不仅仅是光线 —— 它象征着希望与指引，让年轻人明白，谦逊与倾听能带他走出黑暗。）
曲折山路→人生弯路：_______________________________________________________________（曲折、无标识的小路不仅仅是道路 —— 它们隐喻着人生的旅程，提醒人们，傲慢会让人迷失方向，而谦逊能让人走在正途。）
【专项微训练】—— 为故事注入灵魂
训练一：环境描写 烘托心情
（选择贴合氛围的词语造句，强化场景与情绪的关联）
心情 可选词汇（中英对照） 你的造句
恐慌 / 绝望 天色漆黑 (pitch-black sky); 暴雨倾盆 (torrential rain); 风声呼啸 (howling wind) 他独自站在林中，______，呼喊声被狂风吞噬，只觉得自己渺小又无助。
希望 / 感激 手电光束 (flashlight beam); 雨声渐缓 (rain easing); 温暖雨衣 (warm raincoat) ______，老人的身影出现在雨幕中，瞬间驱散了他心中的绝望。
醒悟 / 平静 晨光熹微 (faint morning light); 山路静谧 (quiet mountain road); 鸟鸣清脆 (clear bird songs) ______，他跟在老人身后，心中的骄傲早已褪去，只剩满心的谦逊与感恩。
参考答案
他独自站在林中，pitch-black sky pressing down, torrential rain soaking him to the skin, and howling wind carrying away his cries for help（漆黑的天空仿佛压下来，暴雨把他淋得浑身湿透，呼啸的狂风卷走了他的呼救声），呼喊声被狂风吞噬，只觉得自己渺小又无助。
Flashlight beam cutting through the rain, rain easing a little, and a warm raincoat held out to him（手电光束穿透雨幕，雨势渐渐变小，一件温暖的雨衣递到他面前），老人的身影出现在雨幕中，瞬间驱散了他心中的绝望。
Faint morning light breaking through the trees, quiet mountain road under their feet, and clear bird songs echoing in the woods（晨光熹微穿透树林，脚下是静谧的山路，林中回荡着清脆的鸟鸣），他跟在老人身后，心中的骄傲早已褪去，只剩满心的谦逊与感恩。
训练二：人物刻画 于细微处见真情
（将抽象描述与具体动作 / 神态连线，选择一句仿写，凸显人物性格）
年轻人骄傲自负 A. He puffed out his chest, rolled his eyes at the old man, and said proudly: “I know these trails better than anyone—no need for your warning!”
老人善良睿智 B. He shook his head gently, handed the young man a dry towel, and said calmly: “Pride often leads to trouble, but it’s never too late to learn.”
年轻人愧疚醒悟 C. He hung his head, his voice trembling with regret: “I was so foolish to ignore you—I almost lost my way forever.”
连线答案：1-A；2-B；3-C
仿写示例（选择第 2 句）：___________________________________________________________（她温柔地笑了笑，把伞分给迷路的孩子，轻声说：“迷路没关系 —— 我们一起找回家的路。”）
训练三：情感表达 找到 “高级替身”
（替换直白词汇，让情感表达更细腻生动）
直白表达 高级替代表达（中英对照）
“骄傲”（年轻人） ___________________________________（被骄傲冲昏头脑）； __________________________________（轻视他人建议）
“恐慌”（年轻人） __________________________________（恐慌攫住心脏）； __________________________________（一阵绝望席卷全身）
“醒悟”（年轻人） ___________________________________（突然醒悟）； ________________________________（谦逊之心油然而生）
例句升级原句：The young man was very proud and didn’t listen to the old man. He felt very scared when lost, and finally realized his mistake.
升级句：___________________________________________________________________________（年轻人被骄傲冲昏头脑，轻视老人的建议。迷路后，恐慌攫住他的心脏，一阵绝望席卷全身 —— 最终，他突然醒悟，谦逊之心油然而生。）
训练四：动作细节 让情感可视化
（为情境补充具体动作，体现人物内心，避免 “直白描述”）
情境 直白版 细节版（参考）
1. 年轻人忽视老人建议时（体现 “骄傲”） 年轻人不听老人的话，很骄傲。 提示：（老人说话时，年轻人挺起胸膛，下巴高高扬起。他频频翻白眼，不耐烦地跺脚，还打断对方：“够了 —— 我知道自己在做什么。”）
2. 年轻人迷路遇雨时（体现 “恐慌”） 年轻人迷路了，很害怕。 提示：（他被树根绊倒，靴子陷进泥泞，同时尖叫呼救。他抓住树枝稳住身体，指甲抠进树皮，泪水流下脸颊 —— 他从未感到如此孤独与恐惧。）
3. 年轻人向老人道歉时（体现 “愧疚”） 年轻人向老人道歉，很后悔。 提示：（他站在老人面前，低着头，双手紧握。他用力咽了口唾沫，声音因懊悔而沙哑：“我真不该嘲笑你。你的警告是对的 —— 我只是太骄傲，不愿承认。”）
训练五：象征与隐喻 让主题更深刻
（将抽象概念与故事中的 “具体事物” 关联，深化主题，避免 “直白点题”）
老人的警告 → 不仅是 “路线提醒”，更象征着_________________________________________，是前人用实践换来的宝贵指引，忽视则易陷入困境。
复杂无标识的山路 → 不仅是 “徒步路线”，更象征着 __________________________________，提醒人们不可傲慢自大，需敬畏未知、虚心求教。
风雨与黑夜 → 不仅是 “自然环境”，更象征着 ________________________________________，是人生路上的 “试金石”，让人在困境中成长。
四、综合训练与范文引导
（一）短文填空训练（聚焦核心关键词，提示词 + 时态提示：全程用一般过去时）
请根据范文语境、提示词（中文释义 / 词性 / 时态 / 场景提示），补全下列段落，强化对谦逊成长 + 倾听智慧主题核心词的掌握。
Paragraph 1
The sun was going down,and sudden strong winds suggested that it might rain.The golden sunset quickly faded, and ______（提示：环境词块，漆黑的天空压下来，“pitch-black sky press down” 的过去式）. Howling winds ______（提示：动作 + 环境词块，卷着枯叶和冷空气，past tense of “carry” + “dead leaves and cold air”）, and soon torrential rain ______（提示：动作词块，倾盆而下并淋透他的衣服，past tense of “pour down” + “and soak him to the skin”）. He ______（提示：动作 + 情感词块，在泥泞小径踉跄并呼救，past tense of “stumble” + “through muddy trails and shout for help”）, but his voice was swallowed by the storm. He fumbled with his phone, ______（提示：动作 + 情感词块，手指因恐慌颤抖，“fingers tremble with panic” 的过去式）, only to find no signal. Throwing his map on the ground in frustration, he ______（提示：动作 + 情感词块，瘫坐在湿石头上，past tense of “collapse” + “on a wet rock”）. “I should have ______（提示：反思词块，听从老人的警告而不是嘲笑他，“listen to the old man’s warning instead of laughing at him”）,” he whispered, regret ______（提示：情感词块，啃噬他的良心，past tense of “gnaw” + “at his conscience”）. Just as despair ______（提示：动作词块，快要淹没他，past tense of “threaten” + “to overwhelm him”）, a faint flashlight beam ______（提示：动作 + 环境词块，穿透雨幕，past tense of “cut through” + “the rain”）. He looked up—the old man ______（提示：人物 + 动作词块，拿着伞和登山杖站在那里，past tense of “stand” + “there holding an umbrella and a hiking stick”）. “Follow me,” the old man said calmly. A surge of gratitude ______（提示：情感词块，心中涌起，past tense of “well up” + “in his heart”）, and he nodded, tears mixing with rain.
Paragraph 2
When he arrived home,he knew that he was lucky to be alive.On the way back, the old man （提示：动作 + 智慧词块，引导他走隐蔽小径并指出滑溜的石头，past tense of “guide” + “him through hidden trails and point out slippery rocks”）. He said gently: “（提示：智慧教诲词块，骄傲使人盲目，没人比经验更智慧，“Pride makes you blind—no one is wiser than experience”）.” The young man listened quietly, ______（提示：情感词块，谦逊之心渐渐萌生，“humility sink in gradually” 的过去式）. When they reached the door, the young man （提示：动作 + 情感词块，深深鞠躬且声音满是懊悔，past tense of “bow” + “deeply, his voice full of regret”）: “I’m sorry for being so proud. Thank you for saving me.” The old man smiled: “（提示：鼓励词块，学会倾听是成长的第一步，“Learning to listen is the first step to growth”）.” After the old man left, the young man ______（提示：动作 + 蜕变词块，把地图挂在墙上作为提醒，past tense of “hang” + “his map on the wall as a reminder”）. From that day on, he ______（提示：动作 + 谦逊词块，不再忽视他人建议而是认真倾听，“no longer ignore others’ advice but listen carefully” 的过去式）. He finally understood: ______（提示：主题升华词块，真正的智慧不是无所不知，而是谦逊地向他人学习，“true wisdom isn’t knowing everything, but being humble enough to learn from others”）.
（二）参考答案与关键词对应解析
填空位置 英文答案 关键词类型 对应高频词块（回顾强化）
Paragraph 1-1 pitch-black sky pressed down 环境类 烘托 “天黑恶化” 的紧张氛围，贴合 “困境” 场景
Paragraph 1-2 carried dead leaves and cold air 动作 + 环境类 具象化狂风的破坏力，强化 “恶劣环境”
Paragraph 1-3 poured down and soaked him to the skin 动作 + 环境类 暴雨的核心影响，体现 “身体与心理的双重压迫”
Paragraph 1-4 stumbled through muddy trails and shouted for help 动作 + 情感类 年轻人 “恐慌挣扎” 的典型动作，替代直白 “was scared”
Paragraph 1-5 his fingers trembled with panic 动作 + 情感类 恐慌的生理反应，细腻展现 “无助”
Paragraph 1-6 collapsed on a wet rock 动作 + 情感类 绝望的最终表现，为 “反思” 做铺垫
Paragraph 1-7 listened to the old man’s warning instead of laughing at him 反思类 直接关联 “忽视建议” 的核心冲突，推动 “醒悟”
Paragraph 1-8 gnawed at his conscience 情感类 懊悔的高级表达，比 “felt sorry” 更具感染力
Paragraph 1-9 threatened to overwhelm him 动作 + 情感类 绝望的递进，凸显 “救援及时” 的意义
Paragraph 1-10 cut through the rain 动作 + 环境类 救援的 “希望信号”，呼应 “老人智慧” 主题
Paragraph 1-11 stood there holding an umbrella and a hiking stick 人物 + 动作类 老人 “沉稳可靠” 的形象具象化，传递 “安全感”
Paragraph 1-12 welled up in his heart 情感类 感激的自然流露，为 “后续道歉” 铺垫
Paragraph 2-1 guided him through hidden trails and pointed out slippery rocks 动作 + 智慧类 老人 “经验丰富” 的核心体现，呼应 “倾听智慧”
Paragraph 2-2 Pride makes you blind—no one is wiser than experience 智慧教诲类 全文核心观点，直接点题 “骄傲的危害”
Paragraph 2-3 humility sank in gradually 情感类 年轻人 “谦逊蜕变” 的关键转折，比 “became humble” 更细腻
Paragraph 2-4 bowed deeply, his voice full of regret 动作 + 情感类 愧疚的标志性动作，体现 “真诚悔悟”
Paragraph 2-5 Learning to listen is the first step to growth 鼓励类 老人的引导，深化 “倾听与成长” 的关联
Paragraph 2-6 hung his map on the wall as a reminder 动作 + 蜕变类 年轻人 “铭记教训” 的具体表现，避免 “直白说教”
Paragraph 2-7 no longer ignored others’ advice but listened carefully 动作 + 谦逊类 蜕变的最终落地，呼应 “谦逊成长” 主线
Paragraph 2-8 true wisdom isn’t knowing everything, but being humble enough to learn from others 主题类 全文主旨升华，直接适配 “谦逊 + 倾听” 评分要点广州市南沙区2025-2026学年高三上学期11月阶段检测英语试题
读后续写二次开发学案教师版
阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整短文。
A proud young man was constantly on the hunt for a new and exciting pastime.One day,he heard some folks chatting about the amazing experiences of hiking in the national parks.The idea of exploring the great outdoors filled him with enthusiasm,and he immediately decided to give it a go himself.
As he set off on his walk,feeling confident and full of energy, an old man with a weather-beaten face walked up to him.The old man's eyes were filled with concern as he said, "Don't go this way.Beware!The paths here are not clearly marked.It's so easy to get lost in these woods."
But the young man just laughed at the old man's words.He stood up straight,held his head high,and said proudly,"I've studied maps of this area in great detail.I have a good knowledge of these trails.There's no way that I'll get lost.”"
The old man listened patiently to the young man's words.Then,with a sigh,he warned him about his pride."I've walked these trails my entire life,"he said calmly."If you think you'll be safe, then go ahead.”
The young man simply rolled his eyes and paid no attention to the old man.He started along the trail,and every time he came to a place where he could choose between an easy or a difficult route,he always went for the more challenging one.Also,he was so busy showing off his courage that he didn't notice which direction he was going.
After a while,he decided it was time to head back home.But because his path through the woods had been so winding and indirect,he had no idea where he really was.He took out his map, but no matter how hard he tried,he couldn't figure out his position.He walked from one path to another,but soon realized he was completely lost.
注意：
1. 续写词数应为150左右；
2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Para 1:
The sun was going down,and sudden strong winds suggested that it might rain
Para 2:
When he arrived home,he knew that he was lucky to be alive.
【原文翻译】
一个骄傲的年轻人总在寻觅新鲜刺激的消遣方式。一天，他听到有人闲聊在国家公园徒步的奇妙经历 —— 探索广袤户外的想法让他满心热忱，他立刻决定亲自尝试一番。
他满怀自信、精力充沛地出发徒步，这时一位面容饱经风霜的老人朝他走来。老人眼中满是担忧，开口说道：“别走这条路，当心！这里的路线标识不清，在这片树林里很容易迷路。”
可年轻人却嘲笑老人的话。他挺直身子、昂首挺胸，骄傲地说：“我仔细研究过这片区域的地图，对这些路线了如指掌，绝不可能迷路。”
老人耐心听完年轻人的话，随后叹了口气，提醒他别被骄傲冲昏头脑。“我一辈子都在这些路线上走，” 老人平静地说，“如果你觉得自己安全，那就去吧。”
年轻人只是翻了个白眼，对老人的话置之不理。他沿着路线出发，每当遇到能选择轻松路线或困难路线的岔口，他总会选更具挑战性的那条。而且，他一门心思炫耀自己的勇气，根本没注意自己在往哪个方向走。
过了一会儿，他决定该返程回家了。可由于他在树林里走的路线太过曲折迂回，他完全不知道自己身在何处。他掏出地图，可无论怎么努力，都无法确定自己的位置。他在一条条路线间来回穿梭，很快便意识到，自己彻底迷路了。
【写作训练步骤】
一、通读全文，深度解读
1. 读情节
开端：骄傲的年轻人热衷寻找新奇消遣，听闻国家公园徒步的奇妙体验后，立刻决定亲自尝试，出发时自信满满、精力充沛。
发展：徒步途中，一位面容饱经风霜的老人善意提醒他 “路线标识不清，易在林中迷路”，但年轻人自恃研究过详细地图、熟悉路线，嘲笑老人的警告，还刻意选择更具挑战性的路线，一心炫耀勇气却忽略了方向。
转折：年轻人准备返程时，发现因路线曲折复杂早已迷失方向，地图也无法帮他确定位置，彻底陷入困境。
续写开端：描写天色渐暗、狂风将至（可能下雨）的恶劣环境，年轻人的恐慌与绝望，以及他尝试求救、挣扎求生的过程，最终老人出现伸出援手。
续写结局：描写老人带领年轻人安全回家的经过，年轻人回家后的反思与蜕变，升华 “谦逊使人受益，倾听他人建议是智慧”“敬畏自然、不可傲慢” 的主题。
2. 读人物
年轻人：骄傲自负（无视老人警告、炫耀勇气），缺乏经验（盲目选择难路、忽视方向），本性不坏（陷入困境后会反思），最终学会谦逊（获救后领悟道理）。
老人：经验丰富（毕生行走山林），善良宽厚（耐心提醒、不放弃迷路的年轻人），沉稳睿智（用行动教会年轻人道理），是 “智慧与善意” 的象征。
3. 读时态
全文以一般过去时为主。
4. 读冲突
外在冲突：恶劣自然环境（天黑、狂风、降雨）与年轻人迷路求生的矛盾；年轻人的盲目自信与老人的经验智慧的冲突。
内在冲突：年轻人 “骄傲自负” 与 “陷入困境后的恐慌反思” 的心理挣扎；“忽视建议” 的懊悔与 “渴望获救” 的急切之间的矛盾。
5. 读情绪发展
年轻人：热情高涨（决定徒步）→ 骄傲不屑（嘲笑老人）→ 兴奋炫耀（选难路）→ 迷茫焦虑（发现迷路）→（续写发展：恐慌绝望→急切渴望→感激愧疚）→（续写结局：谦逊醒悟→深刻铭记）老人：关切担忧（主动提醒）→ 无奈惋惜（被忽视）→（续写发展：沉稳冷静→善意救助）
6. 读主题
谦逊的价值（骄傲使人陷入困境，谦逊才能规避风险）
倾听的智慧（忽视他人善意建议，往往要付出代价）
敬畏自然与经验（自然充满未知，前人经验是宝贵的指引）
二、【十句五定法】—— 搭建你的写作框架
请根据两个段落的开头语，构思并完成以下句子，以搭建清晰的段落结构。
段落 句子功能 你的句子构思
第一段 1. 接续 Hint1 描写环境恶化的细节（如 “夕阳快速沉入地平线，天色瞬间暗下来，狂风卷着枯叶呼啸而过，豆大的雨点开始砸落”），烘托紧张氛围。
2. 动作 / 心理推进 刻画年轻人的恐慌与挣扎（如 “他拼命挥舞手臂呼喊，声音被风声吞没，拿出手机却毫无信号，只能攥着地图在林中慌乱奔跑”）。
3. 有效过渡 描写年轻人的绝望与反思（如 “雨水浸透衣衫，寒冷刺骨，他瘫坐在泥泞中，后悔当初不该嘲笑老人、忽视警告”）。
4. 有效衔接 描述救援契机（如 “就在他濒临崩溃时，远处传来一声熟悉的呼喊，一道手电筒光束穿透雨幕，正是那位被他轻视的老人”）。
5. 段落收束 以年轻人的愧疚与获救的希望收尾（如 “他热泪盈眶地冲向老人，哽咽着道歉，老人只是温和地递过雨衣：‘跟我来’”）。
第二段 6. 接续 Hint2 描写回家途中的互动（如 “老人手持登山杖在前方引路，避开泥泞与荆棘，耐心讲解辨别方向的技巧，年轻人默默倾听，羞愧不已”）。
7. 情节发展 描写安全到家的场景（如 “凌晨时分，两人终于抵达山脚，年轻人的家近在眼前，他再次向老人深深鞠躬致谢”）。
8. 主题升华 通过年轻人的内心感悟（如 “他望着老人远去的背影，终于明白：真正的勇气不是逞强，而是懂得敬畏、学会倾听”）。
9. 结局呈现 描写年轻人的蜕变（如 “从那以后，他不再骄傲自满，遇到事情总会先倾听他人建议，徒步也变得沉稳谨慎”）。
10. 富有余韵的结尾 用象征或场景定格收尾（如 “每当他看到墙上挂着的登山地图，就会想起那个风雨交加的夜晚，老人的善意与智慧，成为他一生的指引”）。
三、【微写作训练】—— 打磨你的语言
1. 人物心理描写
恐慌 / 绝望（年轻人迷路遇恶劣天气）：Panic surged through him as the sun set and rain began to fall—he had no idea where he was, and the howling wind made every shadow look like a threat.（太阳下山、雨水落下时，恐慌席卷全身 —— 他完全不知道自己身在何处，呼啸的狂风让每一处阴影都像威胁。）
愧疚 / 感激（年轻人见到老人救援）：Guilt and gratitude flooded his heart when he saw the old man—he wished he’d listened to the warning instead of laughing it off.（看到老人时，愧疚与感激涌上心头 —— 他真希望当初没有嘲笑，而是听从了那个警告。）
醒悟 / 谦逊（年轻人回家后）：A sense of humility settled over him as he reflected on the night—pride had almost cost him his life, and listening to others was not weakness but wisdom.（回想那个夜晚，一种谦逊感油然而生 —— 骄傲差点让他丧命，而倾听他人并非软弱，而是智慧。）
2. 情感描写
骄傲与不屑：The young man’s pride blinded him—he thought the old man’s warning was a sign of cowardice, and he was eager to prove his courage by choosing the hardest paths.（年轻人的骄傲蒙蔽了双眼 —— 他认为老人的警告是懦弱的表现，还急于通过选择最难的路线来证明自己的勇气。）
绝望与懊悔：Despair crept in as the rain poured down, and he kicked himself for being so foolish—if he’d listened, he’d be safe at home now.（大雨倾盆，绝望悄然蔓延，他痛恨自己的愚蠢 —— 如果当初听了建议，现在早已安全到家。）
温暖与释然：The old man’s gentle words and steady presence calmed him down—for the first time that night, he felt a glimmer of hope, and the weight of his pride lifted.（老人温和的话语与沉稳的身影让他平静下来 —— 那一夜，他第一次看到希望的微光，骄傲的重担也随之卸下。）
3. 动作描写
恐慌挣扎（年轻人）：He stumbled through the mud, branches scratching his face, as he shouted for help at the top of his lungs. He fumbled with his phone, fingers trembling, but there was no signal—he threw the map on the ground in frustration.（他在泥泞中踉跄，树枝划伤了脸，同时用尽全身力气呼救。他慌乱地摸出手机，手指颤抖，却没有任何信号 —— 他沮丧地把地图扔在地上。）
救援引路（老人）：The old man held a flashlight high, its beam cutting through the rain, and gestured for him to follow. He walked steadily, using his hiking stick to test the ground ahead, and occasionally turned to make sure the young man was keeping up.（老人高举手电筒，光束穿透雨幕，示意他跟上。他步伐沉稳，用登山杖试探前方路面，还时不时回头确认年轻人是否跟上。）
致歉感恩（年轻人）：He rushed toward the old man, tears mixing with rain on his face, and bowed deeply: “I’m so sorry—I should have listened to you.” He reached out to take the old man’s hand, his own still shaking with relief.（他冲向老人，泪水与雨水在脸上交织，深深鞠躬：“对不起 —— 我当初应该听你的。” 他伸出手握住老人的手，自己的手还因释然而颤抖。）
4. 环境象征描写
风雨山林→困境与考验：The dark, rainy woods weren’t just a physical place—they were a test of the young man’s pride, forcing him to confront his foolishness and appreciate the wisdom of others.（漆黑多雨的山林不仅仅是一个地方 —— 它们是对年轻人骄傲的考验，迫使他直面自己的愚蠢，领悟他人智慧的珍贵。）
手电筒光束→希望与指引：The old man’s flashlight beam wasn’t just light—it was a symbol of hope and guidance, showing the young man that humility and listening could lead him out of darkness.（老人的手电筒光束不仅仅是光线 —— 它象征着希望与指引，让年轻人明白，谦逊与倾听能带他走出黑暗。）
曲折山路→人生弯路：The winding, unmarked trails weren’t just paths—they were a metaphor for life’s journey, reminding people that arrogance can lead to lost ways, while humility keeps them on track.（曲折、无标识的小路不仅仅是道路 —— 它们隐喻着人生的旅程，提醒人们，傲慢会让人迷失方向，而谦逊能让人走在正途。）
【专项微训练】—— 为故事注入灵魂
训练一：环境描写 烘托心情
（选择贴合氛围的词语造句，强化场景与情绪的关联）
心情 可选词汇（中英对照） 你的造句
恐慌 / 绝望 天色漆黑 (pitch-black sky); 暴雨倾盆 (torrential rain); 风声呼啸 (howling wind) 他独自站在林中，______，呼喊声被狂风吞噬，只觉得自己渺小又无助。
希望 / 感激 手电光束 (flashlight beam); 雨声渐缓 (rain easing); 温暖雨衣 (warm raincoat) ______，老人的身影出现在雨幕中，瞬间驱散了他心中的绝望。
醒悟 / 平静 晨光熹微 (faint morning light); 山路静谧 (quiet mountain road); 鸟鸣清脆 (clear bird songs) ______，他跟在老人身后，心中的骄傲早已褪去，只剩满心的谦逊与感恩。
参考答案
他独自站在林中，pitch-black sky pressing down, torrential rain soaking him to the skin, and howling wind carrying away his cries for help（漆黑的天空仿佛压下来，暴雨把他淋得浑身湿透，呼啸的狂风卷走了他的呼救声），呼喊声被狂风吞噬，只觉得自己渺小又无助。
Flashlight beam cutting through the rain, rain easing a little, and a warm raincoat held out to him（手电光束穿透雨幕，雨势渐渐变小，一件温暖的雨衣递到他面前），老人的身影出现在雨幕中，瞬间驱散了他心中的绝望。
Faint morning light breaking through the trees, quiet mountain road under their feet, and clear bird songs echoing in the woods（晨光熹微穿透树林，脚下是静谧的山路，林中回荡着清脆的鸟鸣），他跟在老人身后，心中的骄傲早已褪去，只剩满心的谦逊与感恩。
训练二：人物刻画 于细微处见真情
（将抽象描述与具体动作 / 神态连线，选择一句仿写，凸显人物性格）
年轻人骄傲自负 A. He puffed out his chest, rolled his eyes at the old man, and said proudly: “I know these trails better than anyone—no need for your warning!”
老人善良睿智 B. He shook his head gently, handed the young man a dry towel, and said calmly: “Pride often leads to trouble, but it’s never too late to learn.”
年轻人愧疚醒悟 C. He hung his head, his voice trembling with regret: “I was so foolish to ignore you—I almost lost my way forever.”
连线答案：1-A；2-B；3-C仿写示例（选择第 2 句）：She smiled softly, shared her umbrella with the lost child, and said gently: “It’s okay to be lost—let’s find your way home together.”（她温柔地笑了笑，把伞分给迷路的孩子，轻声说：“迷路没关系 —— 我们一起找回家的路。”）
训练三：情感表达 找到 “高级替身”
（替换直白词汇，让情感表达更细腻生动）
直白表达 高级替代表达（中英对照）
“骄傲”（年轻人） be consumed by pride（被骄傲冲昏头脑）；look down on others’ advice（轻视他人建议）
“恐慌”（年轻人） panic grip one’s heart（恐慌攫住心脏）；a wave of despair wash over sb（一阵绝望席卷全身）
“醒悟”（年轻人） a sudden realization dawn on sb（突然醒悟）；humility sink in（谦逊之心油然而生）
例句升级原句：The young man was very proud and didn’t listen to the old man. He felt very scared when lost, and finally realized his mistake.
升级句：Consumed by pride, the young man looked down on the old man’s advice. When lost, panic gripped his heart and a wave of despair washed over him—eventually, a sudden realization dawned on him, and humility sank in.（年轻人被骄傲冲昏头脑，轻视老人的建议。迷路后，恐慌攫住他的心脏，一阵绝望席卷全身 —— 最终，他突然醒悟，谦逊之心油然而生。）
训练四：动作细节 让情感可视化
（为情境补充具体动作，体现人物内心，避免 “直白描述”）
情境 直白版 细节版（参考）
1. 年轻人忽视老人建议时（体现 “骄傲”） 年轻人不听老人的话，很骄傲。 The young man puffed out his chest, his chin raised high, as the old man spoke. He rolled his eyes repeatedly, tapped his foot impatiently, and interrupted: “Enough—I know what I’m doing.”（老人说话时，年轻人挺起胸膛，下巴高高扬起。他频频翻白眼，不耐烦地跺脚，还打断对方：“够了 —— 我知道自己在做什么。”）
2. 年轻人迷路遇雨时（体现 “恐慌”） 年轻人迷路了，很害怕。 He stumbled over tree roots, his boots sinking into the mud, as he screamed for help. He grabbed at branches to steady himself, his nails digging into the bark, and tears streamed down his face—he had never felt so alone and terrified.（他被树根绊倒，靴子陷进泥泞，同时尖叫呼救。他抓住树枝稳住身体，指甲抠进树皮，泪水流下脸颊 —— 他从未感到如此孤独与恐惧。）
3. 年轻人向老人道歉时（体现 “愧疚”） 年轻人向老人道歉，很后悔。 He stood in front of the old man, his head hung low, his hands clasped tightly. He swallowed hard, his voice cracking with regret: “I’m truly sorry for laughing at you. Your warning was right—I was just too proud to admit it.”（他站在老人面前，低着头，双手紧握。他用力咽了口唾沫，声音因懊悔而沙哑：“我真不该嘲笑你。你的警告是对的 —— 我只是太骄傲，不愿承认。”）
训练五：象征与隐喻 让主题更深刻
（将抽象概念与故事中的 “具体事物” 关联，深化主题，避免 “直白点题”）
老人的警告 → 不仅是 “路线提醒”，更象征着 the wisdom of experience（经验的智慧），是前人用实践换来的宝贵指引，忽视则易陷入困境。
复杂无标识的山路 → 不仅是 “徒步路线”，更象征着 the uncertainties of life（人生的未知），提醒人们不可傲慢自大，需敬畏未知、虚心求教。
风雨与黑夜 → 不仅是 “自然环境”，更象征着 the hardships caused by arrogance（骄傲引发的磨难），是人生路上的 “试金石”，让人在困境中成长。
四、综合训练与范文引导
训练：补全段落（结合 “十句五定法” 框架与微写作技巧，完善续写内容）
Paragraph 1
The sun was going down,and sudden strong winds suggested that it might rain.Pitch-black sky quickly replaced the golden sunset, and howling winds swept through the woods, carrying dead leaves and cold air. Torrential rain began to pour down moments later, soaking the young man’s clothes to the skin. He stumbled through the mud, branches scratching his arms, as he shouted for help at the top of his lungs—but his voice was swallowed by the storm. He fumbled with his phone, his fingers trembling with panic, only to find no signal. Throwing the useless map on the ground, he collapsed onto a wet rock, tears mixing with rain. “I should have listened to him,” he whispered, regret gnawing at his heart. Just as despair threatened to overwhelm him, a faint flashlight beam cut through the rain 幕. He looked up and saw a familiar figure— the old man, holding an umbrella and a hiking stick, walking steadily toward him.
Paragraph 2
When he arrived home,he knew that he was lucky to be alive.The old man had guided him through the darkest parts of the woods, pointing out hidden trails and warning him of slippery rocks. Along the way, he said gently: “Pride is a tricky thing—it makes you think you know everything, but no one is wiser than experience.” By the time they reached the young man’s door, the rain had stopped and the sky was starting to lighten. The young man bowed deeply, his voice full of gratitude: “Thank you for saving me. I’ll never be so proud again.” The old man smiled and patted his shoulder: “Learning humility is a gift.” From that day on, the young man changed. He no longer laughed at others’ advice; instead, he listened carefully and respected the wisdom of those with more experience. Whenever he thought of that stormy night, he remembered the old man’s words—and the priceless lesson he’d learned about pride and humility.
范文亮点解析
情节连贯：严格遵循 “环境恶化→恐慌求救→老人救援→引路谈心→安全到家→反思蜕变” 的逻辑，呼应原文 “骄傲→迷路→获救→醒悟” 的核心线索，无脱节。
细节鲜活：通过 “手指颤抖摸手机”“扔地图”“泪水混雨水” 等动作细节，凸显年轻人的恐慌与懊悔；用 “手电光束穿雨幕”“老人持杖引路” 等场景细节，增强画面感；环境描写（天黑、狂风、暴雨）贯穿始终，推动情绪发展。
情感真挚：用 “老人温和的教诲”“年轻人的深鞠躬道歉” 传递 “谦逊与倾听” 的主题；结尾 “年轻人的蜕变” 让故事有落点，避免直白说教，深化 “成长型主题”。
