2025年全国高考英语一卷读后续写教学设计（无答案）2026届高考英语一轮复习
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| 名称 | 2025年全国高考英语一卷读后续写教学设计（无答案）2026届高考英语一轮复习 |
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| 格式 | docx | ||
| 文件大小 | 28.0KB | ||
| 资源类型 | 教案 | ||
| 版本资源 | 人教版（2019） | ||
| 科目 | 英语 | ||
| 更新时间 | 2025-11-23 12:15:40 | ||
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2025年全国高考英语一卷读后续写
教学设计：A Heated Gathering and a Cooled Relationship
题目要求：阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整短文。
My wife and I wanted to share our new home with family and friends by hosting a small gathering in the early summer. She had prepared lots of snacks, while my job was to have the backyard in order.
There was plenty of space for the kids to run and play. There was just one thing I hadn’t counted on: My brother chose to bring his dog Toby, a 50-pound ball of fire. Though friendly, he could easily knock over my niece’s small boys and my six-month-old granddaughter. So, when my brother showed up, I asked him to watch Toby and keep him outside.
My plan was working out just fine. Toby was using up his energy by running back and forth in the backyard and giving the kids plenty of room. Unexpectedly, after supper, the weather changed. It started to rain and everyone went indoors.
It was an awkward moment. I didn’t want Toby to be running around in the house, and my brother wasn’t happy with driving home with a wet dog. Eventually, my brother decided to leave rather than force the issue.
A few days passed, and I hadn’t heard anything from my brother. I texted him and expressed wishes for him to come out again. His reply came as a surprise — a shock, actually: “Not a chance.” Clearly, he was unhappy over the way we had parted. After all, I had left him little choice. Well, he’ll get over it, I reasoned.
Two months passed. My wife suggested I get in touch with my brother, but I resisted, thinking he should call first. However, my conscience (良心) kept bothering me. I tried to put myself in my brother’s shoes. He was facing health issues and his wife of thirty-five years had passed away a few months earlier. Toby was his constant companion, the one who kept him going.
注意:
(1)续写词数应为150个左右；
(2)请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
I realized it was me who was at fault.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
With the biscuits my wife had made, I arrived at my brother’s door.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
【导语】
本文以事件发展为线索展开，讲述了作者初夏时和妻子举办家庭聚会，因担心哥哥的狗Toby伤到孩子，让狗待在户外。晚饭后下雨，众人进屋，作者不愿狗进室内，哥哥无奈带狗离开。之后作者与哥哥产生隔阂，两个月后作者在妻子提醒和良心驱使下，开始换位思考，理解哥哥因妻子离世、健康不佳，Toby对其意义重大。
Teaching Design
1. Teaching Objectives
Based on the story and the writing task, the teaching objectives are designed as follows:
1.1 Knowledge Objectives
Students will understand, recognize, and correctly use key language from the text, such as: count on, work out, put oneself in one’s shoes, rather than..., Though friendly...
Students will grasp the basic story: the plot, relationships between characters, and the main emotional conflict.
1.2 Skill Objectives
Students will be able to figure out what happens next in a logical way, using the given story clues.
Students will practice adding descriptive details (like actions, expressions, and feelings) to make their writing richer.
Students will learn to use the target words and phrases correctly in their own story writing.
1.3 Affective Objective
To help students think about the importance of family, understanding, and good communication.
To encourage them to value empathy, courage to admit mistakes, and taking the first step to make things right.
2. Key Focus and Anticipated Challenges
2.1 Key Goals
Guide students to use the provided language tools and story clues to write a continuation that is logical, coherent, and rich in language.
Help students analyze the narrator’s shifting emotions and the reasons for the conflict, ensuring their writing is believable and emotionally resonant.
2.2 Potential Challenges
Students might struggle to use the target phrases and structures naturally, making their writing feel forced.
Students may find it difficult to describe the characters’ inner feelings and psychological changes in a detailed and vivid way.
There is a risk that the students’ story continuations might not connect well with the given opening or the original plot, leading to logical inconsistencies.
3.Teaching Procedures
Step 1: 导入与回顾
情景导入： 教师提问：“Have you ever had a quarrel with your family members over a small thing How did you solve it ” 引导学生进行简短讨论，引入本课主题——家庭矛盾与和解。
故事回顾： 师生共同回顾阅读材料的主要内容。
人物: I(叙事者), my wife, my brother, Toby (the dog)
冲突: The author didn’t want the energetic dog Toby inside the house, which led to his brother leaving unhappily.
现状: Two months have passed without contact. I began to feel guilty, especially after considering his brother’s difficult situation (losing his wife, health issues).
Step 2: 语言支架搭建
(1)短语闯关： 将提供的核心短语以填空或匹配的形式让学生快速回顾。
1. My brother didn’t ____________ (出现) at my birthday party last night.
2. We need to _____________ (耗尽) all our time to prepare for the exam.
3. It’s important to ___________ (设身处地) others to understand their feelings.
I didn’t ___________ (预料到) so many people coming to the event.
The baby almost ___________ (撞倒) the glass of water.
After a long talk, we finally___________ (修复关系). A sense of relief (如释重负) washed over us
He is a___________ (形影不离的伙伴) to his grandfather.
(2)聚焦关键句型，进行口头或书面仿写练习，为续写积累地道表达。
Example 1: 使用 rather than 表达选择
原句: Eventually, my brother decided to leave rather than force the issue. （最终，我哥哥决定离开，而不是强行争执。）
结构: 主语 + 决定/选择 + 做A rather than 做B
仿写示例:
Eventually, I decided to apologize to him rather than wait for his call. (最终，我决定向他道歉，而不是等他的电话。)
She chose to save her money for a new bike rather than spend it on snacks. (她选择把钱省下来买新自行车，而不是花在零食上。)
Example 2: 使用 suggested... but... resisted, thinking... 描述冲突的建议或想法
原句: My wife suggested I (should) get in touch with my brother, but I resisted, thinking he should call first. (我妻子建议我联系我哥哥，但我拒绝了，心想他应该先打电话。)
结构: A建议B (应该)做……，但B拒绝了，心想……
仿写示例:
My friend suggested I (should) share the umbrella with her, but I resisted, thinking I could run home quickly. (我朋友建议我和她共用雨伞，但我拒绝了，心想我可以跑回家。)
My father suggested I (should) major in science, but I resisted, thinking I was more interested in art. (我父亲建议我主修理科，但我拒绝了，心想我对艺术更感兴趣。)
Example 3: 使用 Unexpectedly... 引出故事转折
原句: Unexpectedly, after supper, the weather changed. It started to rain and everyone went indoors. (出乎意料的是，晚饭后天气变了。开始下雨了，大家都进了屋里。)
结构: 出乎意料地，在[某事件]后，[某事发生了]。开始[发生变化]并且[导致结果]。
仿写示例:
Unexpectedly, after we left the cinema, it started to pour and we had to wait for a taxi. (出乎意料的是，我们离开电影院后，开始下起了倾盆大雨，我们不得不等出租车。)
Unexpectedly, after the first half, our best player got injured. It started to become difficult for our team and we lost the game. (出乎意料的是，下半场后，我们最好的队员受伤了。我们队开始变得困难，并且输掉了比赛。)
Step 3: 情节发展与写作指导
第一段续写分析 (Paragraph 1):
段首句: “I realized it was me who was at fault.”
师生讨论：
Q1: What exactly was his fault (引导用原文信息回答：He was insensitive, didn’t put himself in his brother’s shoes.)
Q2: How would he feel at this moment (Guilty, regretful, ashamed.)
Q3: What details can we add to show his guilt (replay the scene in his mind, the memory kept haunting him, realize Toby was the only family he had left.)
写作任务： 请学生根据讨论，写1-2句话描述叙事者意识到错误后的心理活动。
第二段续写分析 (Paragraph 2):
段首句: “With the biscuits my wife had made, I arrived at my brother’s door.”
师生讨论：
Q1: How did he feel on his way to his brother’s house (Nervous, worried, heart racing.)
Q2: What happened when the door opened Describe the brother’s expression and Toby’s reaction. (a look of surprise, Toby wagged his tail.)
Q3: What did the narrator say to apologize (say sorry from the bottom of my heart, admit my mistake.)
Q4: How did the brother react Did he forgive him (soften his tone, invite me in, share a cup of tea.)
写作任务： 请学生描述开门后最初30秒内发生的事，至少包含一个动作描写和一句对话。
Step 4: 范文赏析与写作
范文展示与点评： 教师展示一篇优秀范文（如下），并点评其优点，如：短语运用恰当、情感描写细腻、结局温馨等。
I realized it was me who was at fault. The memory of that rainy night and my brother’s disappointed face kept haunting me. I had been so selfish and failed to put myself in his shoes. Toby was his constant companion who kept him going after his wife passed away. My pride had left him little choice but to leave. I knew I had to swallow my pride and make things right.
With the biscuits my wife had made, I arrived at my brother’s door. My heart was racing as I knocked. He opened the door slowly, with a look of surprise. Toby was there, wagging his tail happily. “I’m sorry,” I said, handing him the biscuits. “I was wrong. I shouldn’t have forced the issue that day.” He stared at me for a second, then his face softened. “Come in,” he sighed. We sat down, shared the biscuits, and talked for a long time, finally patching things up.
独立写作： 学生根据两段段首句和课堂讨论的提纲，进行完整的续写创作（约150词）。教师巡视，提供个别指导。
同伴互评： 学生两人一组，交换作文，重点检查：
情节是否连贯合理？
是否使用了至少3个本课所学的核心短语或句型？
是否有生动的细节描写？
4.学生作业示例一
I realized it was me who was at fault. The thought that I had hurt my brother, who was already suffering from health issues and the loss of his wife, made me feel deeply ashamed. I replayed the awkward moment in my mind. I had only cared about the order of my house but ignored his feelings. Toby was not just a pet; he was my brother’s family and the one who kept him going. I decided to swallow my pride and take the first step to apologize.
With the biscuits my wife had made, I arrived at my brother’s door. My heart was beating fast as I rang the bell. When he opened the door, he looked at me in silence, which made me more nervous. “I’m sorry,” I said, my voice trembling. “I was wrong. I should have put myself in your shoes.” Seeing the biscuits and my sincere apology, his serious expression finally softened. He invited me in, and we talked for a long time. Toby sat beside us, wagging his tail. The rift between us began to heal.
AI辅助工具评价 (Deepseek)
维度 原文 点评与分析 升级建议
语法与用词 全文无拼写与语法错误。 语言准确性高，时态统一，为流畅的阅读体验奠定了基础。 可在个别处使用更精确的词汇以增强表现力。
词汇运用 ...made me feel deeply ashamed. “deeply ashamed” 已能准确传达情感。 可使用 “overwhelmed with guilt” 来加深程度。
swallow my pride 习语使用恰当、地道。 无需修改。
the rift between us began to heal 比喻 (“rift”) 生动贴切，是高级表达的体现。 无需修改。
句式结构 The thought that I had hurt my brother... made me feel... 宾语从句使用正确，有效丰富了句子结构。 无需修改。
I had only cared about... but ignored... 并列连词使用得当，清晰地表达了内在的冲突与对比。 无需修改。
Seeing the biscuits..., his... expression... softened. 现在分词短语作状语，使动作衔接紧密，描写生动。 无需修改。
He invited me in, and we talked for a long time. 句子正确但略显平淡，有提升空间。 1. (使用现在分词表伴随结果) He invited me in, and we talked for a long time, finally clearing up the misunderstanding.
2. (使用独立主格丰富细节) He invited me in, with Toby sitting quietly beside us.
逻辑与连贯 ...I arrived at my brother’s door. My heart was beating fast... 动作与心理描写的衔接自然流畅。 可增加一个过渡词，使紧张情绪的递进更明显：...I arrived at my brother’s door. My heart was beating fast, and with a deep breath, I rang the bell.
情感表达 ...he looked at me in silence, which made me more nervous. 通过环境和心理描写来烘托情感，手法成熟。 可以进一步描绘沉默的质感，如：...he looked at me in a heavy silence that seemed to amplify my anxiety.
5.学生作业示例二
I realized it was me who was at fault. I think I am too selfish. My brother feel very sad because his wife died. And I not let his dog in. Toby is very important to him. I want to say sorry to him. I decided to go to his house.
With the biscuits my wife had made, I arrived at my brother’s door. I very nervous. I knock at the door. My brother open the door. He see me and don’t say anything. I give he the biscuits and say “I’m sorry.” Then he said “It’s okay.” We are happy.
AI辅助工具评价 (Deepseek)
主要问题：时态混乱；主谓不一致；代词错误；词汇量有限，多为最基础的表达。未能有效使用课文中学到的核心短语。句子多为简单句，且多为“主谓宾”结构，显得单调、零散。缺乏连接词，逻辑不流畅。
评语: 文章仅能传达基本信息，在语言丰富性和表现力上严重不足。
原文 问题分析 升级表达
I realized it was me who was at fault. 语法正确但表达稍显口语化。 I realized that I was the one at fault.
I think I am too selfish. 表达直接，但“I think”减弱了忏悔的力度。 Looking back, I see how selfish I had been.
My brother feel very sad... 主谓不一致，应用第三人称单数。 My brother was grieving the loss of his wife...
And I not let his dog in. 严重语法错误，缺少助动词，时态不对。 ...yet I had refused to let his dog inside.
Toby is very important to him. 表达简单，可以更生动。 Toby is a great comfort to him.
I want to say sorry to him. 表达口语化，不够正式。 I was determined to apologize to him.
I arrived at my brother’s door. 时态应为过去完成时，表示“到达”先于“敲门”。 I had arrived at my brother’s door.
I very nervous. 缺少谓语动词。 I was very nervous.
I knock at the door. 时态错误，应用过去时。 I knocked on the door.
My brother open the door. He see me... 动词未用过去式。 My brother opened the door. He saw me...
...and don’t say anything. 时态和助动词错误。 ...but didn’t say a word.
I give he the biscuits... 代词“he”应用宾格“him”；动词时态错误。 I handed him the biscuits...
We are happy. 时态应为过去时；表达过于简单。 We were both filled with relief and happiness.
总结对比:
评价维度 示例1 示例2
语言准确性 较高，几乎无错误 较低，多处基础语法错误
词汇丰富度 使用大量高级词汇和课文短语 词汇量有限，表达单一
句式多样性 运用从句、分词等复杂结构 全是简单句，且结构零散
整体效果 连贯、生动、有感染力 生硬、枯燥、缺乏表现力
通过这样的对比和AI视角的评价，学生可以更直观地了解优秀作文的标准以及自己需要改进的具体方向。
Homework
背诵8-10个本节课你认为最有用的短语。
根据同学和老师的反馈，修改并润色你的续写，形成终稿。
教学设计：A Heated Gathering and a Cooled Relationship
题目要求：阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整短文。
My wife and I wanted to share our new home with family and friends by hosting a small gathering in the early summer. She had prepared lots of snacks, while my job was to have the backyard in order.
There was plenty of space for the kids to run and play. There was just one thing I hadn’t counted on: My brother chose to bring his dog Toby, a 50-pound ball of fire. Though friendly, he could easily knock over my niece’s small boys and my six-month-old granddaughter. So, when my brother showed up, I asked him to watch Toby and keep him outside.
My plan was working out just fine. Toby was using up his energy by running back and forth in the backyard and giving the kids plenty of room. Unexpectedly, after supper, the weather changed. It started to rain and everyone went indoors.
It was an awkward moment. I didn’t want Toby to be running around in the house, and my brother wasn’t happy with driving home with a wet dog. Eventually, my brother decided to leave rather than force the issue.
A few days passed, and I hadn’t heard anything from my brother. I texted him and expressed wishes for him to come out again. His reply came as a surprise — a shock, actually: “Not a chance.” Clearly, he was unhappy over the way we had parted. After all, I had left him little choice. Well, he’ll get over it, I reasoned.
Two months passed. My wife suggested I get in touch with my brother, but I resisted, thinking he should call first. However, my conscience (良心) kept bothering me. I tried to put myself in my brother’s shoes. He was facing health issues and his wife of thirty-five years had passed away a few months earlier. Toby was his constant companion, the one who kept him going.
注意:
(1)续写词数应为150个左右；
(2)请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
I realized it was me who was at fault.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
With the biscuits my wife had made, I arrived at my brother’s door.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
【导语】
本文以事件发展为线索展开，讲述了作者初夏时和妻子举办家庭聚会，因担心哥哥的狗Toby伤到孩子，让狗待在户外。晚饭后下雨，众人进屋，作者不愿狗进室内，哥哥无奈带狗离开。之后作者与哥哥产生隔阂，两个月后作者在妻子提醒和良心驱使下，开始换位思考，理解哥哥因妻子离世、健康不佳，Toby对其意义重大。
Teaching Design
1. Teaching Objectives
Based on the story and the writing task, the teaching objectives are designed as follows:
1.1 Knowledge Objectives
Students will understand, recognize, and correctly use key language from the text, such as: count on, work out, put oneself in one’s shoes, rather than..., Though friendly...
Students will grasp the basic story: the plot, relationships between characters, and the main emotional conflict.
1.2 Skill Objectives
Students will be able to figure out what happens next in a logical way, using the given story clues.
Students will practice adding descriptive details (like actions, expressions, and feelings) to make their writing richer.
Students will learn to use the target words and phrases correctly in their own story writing.
1.3 Affective Objective
To help students think about the importance of family, understanding, and good communication.
To encourage them to value empathy, courage to admit mistakes, and taking the first step to make things right.
2. Key Focus and Anticipated Challenges
2.1 Key Goals
Guide students to use the provided language tools and story clues to write a continuation that is logical, coherent, and rich in language.
Help students analyze the narrator’s shifting emotions and the reasons for the conflict, ensuring their writing is believable and emotionally resonant.
2.2 Potential Challenges
Students might struggle to use the target phrases and structures naturally, making their writing feel forced.
Students may find it difficult to describe the characters’ inner feelings and psychological changes in a detailed and vivid way.
There is a risk that the students’ story continuations might not connect well with the given opening or the original plot, leading to logical inconsistencies.
3.Teaching Procedures
Step 1: 导入与回顾
情景导入： 教师提问：“Have you ever had a quarrel with your family members over a small thing How did you solve it ” 引导学生进行简短讨论，引入本课主题——家庭矛盾与和解。
故事回顾： 师生共同回顾阅读材料的主要内容。
人物: I(叙事者), my wife, my brother, Toby (the dog)
冲突: The author didn’t want the energetic dog Toby inside the house, which led to his brother leaving unhappily.
现状: Two months have passed without contact. I began to feel guilty, especially after considering his brother’s difficult situation (losing his wife, health issues).
Step 2: 语言支架搭建
(1)短语闯关： 将提供的核心短语以填空或匹配的形式让学生快速回顾。
1. My brother didn’t ____________ (出现) at my birthday party last night.
2. We need to _____________ (耗尽) all our time to prepare for the exam.
3. It’s important to ___________ (设身处地) others to understand their feelings.
I didn’t ___________ (预料到) so many people coming to the event.
The baby almost ___________ (撞倒) the glass of water.
After a long talk, we finally___________ (修复关系). A sense of relief (如释重负) washed over us
He is a___________ (形影不离的伙伴) to his grandfather.
(2)聚焦关键句型，进行口头或书面仿写练习，为续写积累地道表达。
Example 1: 使用 rather than 表达选择
原句: Eventually, my brother decided to leave rather than force the issue. （最终，我哥哥决定离开，而不是强行争执。）
结构: 主语 + 决定/选择 + 做A rather than 做B
仿写示例:
Eventually, I decided to apologize to him rather than wait for his call. (最终，我决定向他道歉，而不是等他的电话。)
She chose to save her money for a new bike rather than spend it on snacks. (她选择把钱省下来买新自行车，而不是花在零食上。)
Example 2: 使用 suggested... but... resisted, thinking... 描述冲突的建议或想法
原句: My wife suggested I (should) get in touch with my brother, but I resisted, thinking he should call first. (我妻子建议我联系我哥哥，但我拒绝了，心想他应该先打电话。)
结构: A建议B (应该)做……，但B拒绝了，心想……
仿写示例:
My friend suggested I (should) share the umbrella with her, but I resisted, thinking I could run home quickly. (我朋友建议我和她共用雨伞，但我拒绝了，心想我可以跑回家。)
My father suggested I (should) major in science, but I resisted, thinking I was more interested in art. (我父亲建议我主修理科，但我拒绝了，心想我对艺术更感兴趣。)
Example 3: 使用 Unexpectedly... 引出故事转折
原句: Unexpectedly, after supper, the weather changed. It started to rain and everyone went indoors. (出乎意料的是，晚饭后天气变了。开始下雨了，大家都进了屋里。)
结构: 出乎意料地，在[某事件]后，[某事发生了]。开始[发生变化]并且[导致结果]。
仿写示例:
Unexpectedly, after we left the cinema, it started to pour and we had to wait for a taxi. (出乎意料的是，我们离开电影院后，开始下起了倾盆大雨，我们不得不等出租车。)
Unexpectedly, after the first half, our best player got injured. It started to become difficult for our team and we lost the game. (出乎意料的是，下半场后，我们最好的队员受伤了。我们队开始变得困难，并且输掉了比赛。)
Step 3: 情节发展与写作指导
第一段续写分析 (Paragraph 1):
段首句: “I realized it was me who was at fault.”
师生讨论：
Q1: What exactly was his fault (引导用原文信息回答：He was insensitive, didn’t put himself in his brother’s shoes.)
Q2: How would he feel at this moment (Guilty, regretful, ashamed.)
Q3: What details can we add to show his guilt (replay the scene in his mind, the memory kept haunting him, realize Toby was the only family he had left.)
写作任务： 请学生根据讨论，写1-2句话描述叙事者意识到错误后的心理活动。
第二段续写分析 (Paragraph 2):
段首句: “With the biscuits my wife had made, I arrived at my brother’s door.”
师生讨论：
Q1: How did he feel on his way to his brother’s house (Nervous, worried, heart racing.)
Q2: What happened when the door opened Describe the brother’s expression and Toby’s reaction. (a look of surprise, Toby wagged his tail.)
Q3: What did the narrator say to apologize (say sorry from the bottom of my heart, admit my mistake.)
Q4: How did the brother react Did he forgive him (soften his tone, invite me in, share a cup of tea.)
写作任务： 请学生描述开门后最初30秒内发生的事，至少包含一个动作描写和一句对话。
Step 4: 范文赏析与写作
范文展示与点评： 教师展示一篇优秀范文（如下），并点评其优点，如：短语运用恰当、情感描写细腻、结局温馨等。
I realized it was me who was at fault. The memory of that rainy night and my brother’s disappointed face kept haunting me. I had been so selfish and failed to put myself in his shoes. Toby was his constant companion who kept him going after his wife passed away. My pride had left him little choice but to leave. I knew I had to swallow my pride and make things right.
With the biscuits my wife had made, I arrived at my brother’s door. My heart was racing as I knocked. He opened the door slowly, with a look of surprise. Toby was there, wagging his tail happily. “I’m sorry,” I said, handing him the biscuits. “I was wrong. I shouldn’t have forced the issue that day.” He stared at me for a second, then his face softened. “Come in,” he sighed. We sat down, shared the biscuits, and talked for a long time, finally patching things up.
独立写作： 学生根据两段段首句和课堂讨论的提纲，进行完整的续写创作（约150词）。教师巡视，提供个别指导。
同伴互评： 学生两人一组，交换作文，重点检查：
情节是否连贯合理？
是否使用了至少3个本课所学的核心短语或句型？
是否有生动的细节描写？
4.学生作业示例一
I realized it was me who was at fault. The thought that I had hurt my brother, who was already suffering from health issues and the loss of his wife, made me feel deeply ashamed. I replayed the awkward moment in my mind. I had only cared about the order of my house but ignored his feelings. Toby was not just a pet; he was my brother’s family and the one who kept him going. I decided to swallow my pride and take the first step to apologize.
With the biscuits my wife had made, I arrived at my brother’s door. My heart was beating fast as I rang the bell. When he opened the door, he looked at me in silence, which made me more nervous. “I’m sorry,” I said, my voice trembling. “I was wrong. I should have put myself in your shoes.” Seeing the biscuits and my sincere apology, his serious expression finally softened. He invited me in, and we talked for a long time. Toby sat beside us, wagging his tail. The rift between us began to heal.
AI辅助工具评价 (Deepseek)
维度 原文 点评与分析 升级建议
语法与用词 全文无拼写与语法错误。 语言准确性高，时态统一，为流畅的阅读体验奠定了基础。 可在个别处使用更精确的词汇以增强表现力。
词汇运用 ...made me feel deeply ashamed. “deeply ashamed” 已能准确传达情感。 可使用 “overwhelmed with guilt” 来加深程度。
swallow my pride 习语使用恰当、地道。 无需修改。
the rift between us began to heal 比喻 (“rift”) 生动贴切，是高级表达的体现。 无需修改。
句式结构 The thought that I had hurt my brother... made me feel... 宾语从句使用正确，有效丰富了句子结构。 无需修改。
I had only cared about... but ignored... 并列连词使用得当，清晰地表达了内在的冲突与对比。 无需修改。
Seeing the biscuits..., his... expression... softened. 现在分词短语作状语，使动作衔接紧密，描写生动。 无需修改。
He invited me in, and we talked for a long time. 句子正确但略显平淡，有提升空间。 1. (使用现在分词表伴随结果) He invited me in, and we talked for a long time, finally clearing up the misunderstanding.
2. (使用独立主格丰富细节) He invited me in, with Toby sitting quietly beside us.
逻辑与连贯 ...I arrived at my brother’s door. My heart was beating fast... 动作与心理描写的衔接自然流畅。 可增加一个过渡词，使紧张情绪的递进更明显：...I arrived at my brother’s door. My heart was beating fast, and with a deep breath, I rang the bell.
情感表达 ...he looked at me in silence, which made me more nervous. 通过环境和心理描写来烘托情感，手法成熟。 可以进一步描绘沉默的质感，如：...he looked at me in a heavy silence that seemed to amplify my anxiety.
5.学生作业示例二
I realized it was me who was at fault. I think I am too selfish. My brother feel very sad because his wife died. And I not let his dog in. Toby is very important to him. I want to say sorry to him. I decided to go to his house.
With the biscuits my wife had made, I arrived at my brother’s door. I very nervous. I knock at the door. My brother open the door. He see me and don’t say anything. I give he the biscuits and say “I’m sorry.” Then he said “It’s okay.” We are happy.
AI辅助工具评价 (Deepseek)
主要问题：时态混乱；主谓不一致；代词错误；词汇量有限，多为最基础的表达。未能有效使用课文中学到的核心短语。句子多为简单句，且多为“主谓宾”结构，显得单调、零散。缺乏连接词，逻辑不流畅。
评语: 文章仅能传达基本信息，在语言丰富性和表现力上严重不足。
原文 问题分析 升级表达
I realized it was me who was at fault. 语法正确但表达稍显口语化。 I realized that I was the one at fault.
I think I am too selfish. 表达直接，但“I think”减弱了忏悔的力度。 Looking back, I see how selfish I had been.
My brother feel very sad... 主谓不一致，应用第三人称单数。 My brother was grieving the loss of his wife...
And I not let his dog in. 严重语法错误，缺少助动词，时态不对。 ...yet I had refused to let his dog inside.
Toby is very important to him. 表达简单，可以更生动。 Toby is a great comfort to him.
I want to say sorry to him. 表达口语化，不够正式。 I was determined to apologize to him.
I arrived at my brother’s door. 时态应为过去完成时，表示“到达”先于“敲门”。 I had arrived at my brother’s door.
I very nervous. 缺少谓语动词。 I was very nervous.
I knock at the door. 时态错误，应用过去时。 I knocked on the door.
My brother open the door. He see me... 动词未用过去式。 My brother opened the door. He saw me...
...and don’t say anything. 时态和助动词错误。 ...but didn’t say a word.
I give he the biscuits... 代词“he”应用宾格“him”；动词时态错误。 I handed him the biscuits...
We are happy. 时态应为过去时；表达过于简单。 We were both filled with relief and happiness.
总结对比:
评价维度 示例1 示例2
语言准确性 较高，几乎无错误 较低，多处基础语法错误
词汇丰富度 使用大量高级词汇和课文短语 词汇量有限，表达单一
句式多样性 运用从句、分词等复杂结构 全是简单句，且结构零散
整体效果 连贯、生动、有感染力 生硬、枯燥、缺乏表现力
通过这样的对比和AI视角的评价，学生可以更直观地了解优秀作文的标准以及自己需要改进的具体方向。
Homework
背诵8-10个本节课你认为最有用的短语。
根据同学和老师的反馈，修改并润色你的续写，形成终稿。