中考英语二轮名校模考作文指导（二）+学生优秀作文展示+名师点评

名校模考作文指导（二）+学生优秀作文展示+名师点评
名校模考好题
海淀区2024-2025学年九年级第二学期期中练习
考试时间:2025.4.23
从下面两个题目中任选一题，根据所给提示，完成一篇不少于50词的英语文段写作。文中已给出内容不计入总词数。所给提示词语仅供选用。请不要写出真实的校名和姓名。
题目①
假设你是李华,你校将开展“阳光体育(Sunshine Sports)”活动，鼓励学生积极参加体育锻炼。作为体育爱好者，请你用英语写一封倡议书，向国际部学生介绍活动内容，并说明该活动的意义。
提示词语: morning run, football match, healthy, habit, improve
内容提示:·What activities will you have
Why is Sunshine Sports important for students
Dear international students,
I am writing to call on all of you to join in Sunshine Sports.
Let's go outside and enjoy sports!
Yours,
Li Hua
谋篇布局
五定审题
1.定主题：介绍学校开展的体育活动；
2.定文体：应用文(倡议书)；
3.定人称：以第一、二人称为主；
4.定时态：以一般现在时和一般将来时为主；
5.定要点：①介绍学校开展的体育活动内容；②谈谈阳光体育活动对学生们很重要的原因。
热考关键词：体育活动
聚焦“全民健身”热点，通过倡议书形式，引导学生积极参与体育锻炼，倡导健康生活方式。
高分作文 1体育锻炼好处多
Dear international students,
I am writing to call on all of you to join in Sunshine Sports. There will be all kinds of interesting activities waiting for you.
First and foremost, inter-class football matches will be held on the school playground. You can watch players pass the ball skillfully and cheer for exciting scoring goals. ① Secondly, if you prefer simple sports,group running and rope jumping are great choices. For those who want to try something new, yoga and Chinese martial arts classes will also be provided.
From my perspective, Sunshine Sports is of great importance to us students. To begin with, doing sports can help us keep healthy and build strength. Besides, team sports teach us to work together and never give up, which will help us do better in life.
I hope you will have a fantastic experience in Sunshine Sports!
Let's go outside and enjoy sports!
Yours,
Li Hua
名师点评 文章采用“倡议信”的典型结构，开头表明写作目的，中间分点陈述活动内容与意义，结尾再次呼吁参与，逻辑顺畅，条理清楚。内容上，作者围绕“阳光体育”活动展开描述，列举了多种运动形式，并结合自身观点阐述体育对身心发展的积极影响，内容真实、有感染力。语言上，表达规范、句式多样。运用如 be of great importance, teach us to work together 等高级短语,句型包括条件句、定语从句等，表达自然流畅，体现了较强的语言运用能力。
积累运用
靓词积累 佳句仿写
1. fantastic /f n't st k/ 极好的 2. all kinds of 各种各样的 3. wait for 等待 4. cheer for...为……欢呼 5. be of great importance 非常重要 6. keep healthy 保持健康 7.我们学校下个月将举办一场激动人心的运动会。(用There be 句型) 8.我们的体育老师总是鼓励我们坚持锻炼，是我们的榜样。 (用 who 引导定语从句)
Dear international students,
I am writing to call on all of you to join in Sunshine Sports.
We will organize a variety of activities for this event. Firstly,we' ll start with morning runs around the school. It's a great way to make your bodies active and prepare for the whole day.① Then, in the afternoon, there will be team games like relay races. You can work together with your classmates to win prizes. After school, inter-class football matches are one of the most exciting activities that can allow you to experience the fun.
Why is Sunshine Sports important First, it helps us develop healthy habits and stay strong. Also, it allows us to relax our minds and study with better concentration.
Don't miss this chance! We'd better take action and make this semester full of happy memories.
Let's go outside and enjoy sports!
Yours,
Li Hua
①用 It's a great way to...解释了晨跑带来的好处，语言简洁，表意清晰；
使用 surely 加强肯定语气;用“one of+ the+形容词最高级+可数名词复数”结构突出足球赛的吸引力，激发读者兴趣；
以 Don't... 祈使句及 We’ d better... ,号召大家行动起来,让这个学期充满快乐的回忆，富有画面感和感染力。5
名师点评 文章结构完整、要点齐全。开头引出话题，正文介绍了阳光体育的活动安排，结尾发出号召。文中列举了多样化的体育活动，并阐述了参与这些活动的重要性。通过具体的例子如“morning runs, relay races, football matches”,使内容更加生动。语言上,运用了丰富的表达,如work together with sb. , relax one's mind 等短语,增强了文章的感染力。
积 累 运用
靓词积累 佳句仿写
1. a variety of 各种各样的 2. healthy habits 健康的习惯 3. stay strong 保持强壮 4. allow sb. to do sth. 使某人能够做某事 5. relax one's mind 放松某人的大脑 6. study with better concentration 以更专注的状态学习 7. take action 采取行动 8.晨跑是帮助我们放松和减轻压力的好方法。(用...is a great way to do sth. ) 9.足球赛是我们学校最受欢迎的体育活动之一。(用“one of+the+形容词最高级+可数名词复数”) 10.让我们互相鼓励，坚持每天锻炼！(用祈使句发出号召)
题目2
某英语网站正在开展以“青春志愿”为主题的征文活动。假设你是李华，请你用英语写一篇短文投稿，分享你生活中一次难忘的志愿服务经历，并谈谈你的收获。
提示词语： help, take part in, benefit, meaningful, satisfaction
内容提示：· What was your unforgettable volunteer experience
· What have you learned from this experience
Volunteering is a good way to spend our free time.
五定审题
1.定主题：分享一次难忘的志愿服务经历；
2.定文体：记叙文；
3.定人称：以第一人称为主；
4.定要点：①叙述一次难忘的志愿服务经历；②谈谈自己从这次经历中学到了什么；
5.定时态：讲述经历用一般过去时；谈论收获用一般现在时或一般过去时。
热考关键词：志愿服务
紧扣“志愿服务”现实话题，学生通过分享志愿服务经历，反思成长。
高分作文
1 志愿服务暖童心
Volunteering is a good way to spend our free time. It is like a beam of warm sunshine, bringing us joy and a sense of fulfillment.① An unforgettable experience for me was teaching Luna to sing at a children's home.
Luna loved music but she was short of confidence and guidance. So I decided to help her. I chose a simple song, broke down the lyrics, and explained the feelings behind each line to her. Then, I played the melody and asked her to follow me. Every Sunday, I went to the children's home to help her practice intonation. Gradually, she made great progress.
This experience taught me that giving is better than receiving.When I saw Luna singing with confidence, I felt a strong sense of satisfaction. I will keep volunteering and try my best to make contributions to the society.
亮点赏析
①巧用比喻将“志愿服务”比作“温暖的阳光”，生动 形象；bringing us joy...为现在分词短语作伴随状语，语言简洁有力；
动词使用具体、连贯(chose,broke down, explained),清晰展现了教学过程的细致，体现了作者的责任感与耐心；
This experience taught me that……谈论 感悟 (施 比 受更好)，用简洁有力的语言点明主题，具有启发性。
名师点评
文章采用“总——分——总”模式，结构完整、逻辑连贯。开篇点明志愿服务意义，自然引出个人经历，主体叙述条理清晰，结尾升华感悟，层次分明。内容上，选取志愿服务的真实经历，细节具体，情感真挚，贴合“责任、奉献”的育人导向。语言上，用词准确、句式灵活多样，如恰当运用a sense of fulfillment, decide to do sth, make contributions to 等加分短语及宾语从句、时间状语从句等高级句式，展现了较强的语言运用能力。
靓词积累 佳句仿写
1. lyric /'l r k/ 歌词 2. melody/'mel di/ 旋律 3. intonation / nt ne n/ 音准 4. a beam of warm sunshine 一束暖阳 5. be short of 缺乏 6. decide to do sth. 决定做某事 7. break down 拆解 8. a sense of satisfaction 一种满足感 9. make contributions to 为……做贡献 10.志愿服务就像在阴天里分享阳光，给他人带来温暖和光明。(巧用比喻) 11.这次志愿服务的经历教会了我，即使是小小的善举，也能对他人产生很大影响。(用 This experience taught me that...谈论感悟) 12.当我帮助他人时，我也获得了自我成长的机会。(用When 引导时间状语从句)
2 赠人玫瑰，手留余香
名师点评 文章采用“总——分——总”结构，开头引出志愿服务的主题，中间叙述一次亲身经历，结尾升华感悟。内容上，作者围绕一次街头早餐志愿活动展开叙述，细节描写生动具体，如a paleface, held his hands to steady them,增强了故事的真实性和感染力。语言上,使用了如 not only... but also..., hand out 等表达,语言地道。同时,句子结构多样,包括复合句、简单句,展现了较强的语言运用能力。
积累运用
靓词积累 佳句仿写
1. steady /' stedi/ 使平稳 2. touch one's heart 触动某人的心灵 3. hand out 分发 4. in need 处于需要……的状态 5. draw one's attention引起某人的注意 6. without hesitation 毫不犹豫地 7. at that moment 在那个时刻 8. bring light to sb. 给某人带来光明 9.我们打扫养老院打扫得非常仔细，以至于每个房间看起来都像新的一样。(用so...that...引导结果状语从句) 10.帮助他人带给我快乐，也让我意识到：施比受更有福。(巧用谚语谈论感悟) 11.我相信虽然志愿者工作很累，但它会给我带来满足感。(用I believe that...表达信念)