《直通名校》专题六 读后续写 第七讲 勤润色——3处着眼,打造高分亮点(教师版+学生版)-高考英语二轮复习

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名称 《直通名校》专题六 读后续写 第七讲 勤润色——3处着眼,打造高分亮点(教师版+学生版)-高考英语二轮复习
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第七讲 勤润色——3处着眼,打造高分亮点
  读后续写评分标准最高档要求如下:
  (1)创造了丰富、合理的内容,富有逻辑性,续写完整,与原文情境融洽度高;
  (2)使用了多样且恰当的词汇和语法结构,表达流畅,语言错误很少,且完全不影响理解;
  (3)自然有效地使用了段落间、语句间衔接手段,全文结构清晰,前后呼应,意义连贯。
  为了达到上述要求,我们应该特别关注以下几方面:
一、丰富语法结构,升级词汇表达
  “使用了多样且恰当的词汇和语法结构,表达流畅,语言错误很少,且完全不影响理解”是读后续写评分标准最高档的标准之一。为了确保这一标准的达成,我们需要做到如下几点:
1.杜绝低级错误
在写作过程中,大多数学生由于不细心而导致出现低级错误。例如:a/an的用法错误;单词拼写错误;名词可数与不可数错误(如make a progress),词性错误(如I’m like music.之类的错误)以及时态混乱错误等。如果一篇还不错的写作里面出现了低级语法错误,这会向阅卷老师传递一个减分的信号。因此,学生在初步完成写作后,要快速检查是否有这种低级错误并纠正。
2.丰富句式表达
含有丰富语法结构的句式能提高文章的档次。在写作中,可以通过使用各种名词性从句、特殊句式、with复合结构、虚拟语气、无灵主语等来完成句式升级。同时,注意长短句相间,使文章富有节奏感。 句式结构太单一,会让阅卷老师感觉文章平淡像流水账。因此,初步完成写作后,要审视一下语法结构是否丰富,句式之间是否有流畅的节奏感。请体会以下语法现象:
①(2024·1月浙江卷)Not only did Eva broaden her living space, but she also got to be involved in varieties of activities.(部分倒装句)
伊娃不仅扩大了她的生活空间,而且还参加了各种各样的活动。
②(2024·1月浙江卷)Huge as the school still was, she conquered her fear and stepped out of her comfort zone.(表语倒装)
虽然学校仍然很大,但她克服了恐惧,走出了自己的舒适区。
③(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)A feeling of helplessness washed over me as I saw the bus queue thinning out. (无灵主语)
当我看到排队等公共汽车的人越来越少时,一种无助的感觉涌上心头。
④(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)It was an unconventional request, and I held little hope that he would agree.(同位语从句)
这是一个不合常规的要求,我对他会同意不抱什么希望。
⑤(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)Gunter was definitely the best taxi driver that you would meet in Vienna and maybe Austria. (定语从句)
甘特绝对是你在维也纳,甚至可能在奥地利遇到的最好的出租车司机。
⑥It was at that moment that a warm surge of streams washed through my body, and the image of the horse emerged in my mind, encouraging me to continue writing. (强调句;无灵主语;非谓语动词短语作状语)
就在那一刻,一股暖流涌入我的身体,那匹马的形象浮现在我的脑海中,鼓励我继续写作。
⑦(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)I thanked him with the biggest smile on my face, and we exchanged contact information before I got on the bus.(with复合结构作状语;时间状语从句)
我面带最灿烂的微笑感谢他,在我上车之前,我们交换了联系方式。
⑧(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)David looked up at us, a pleasurable and relaxing smile appearing at the corners of his mouth.(独立主格作状语)
大卫抬头看着我们,嘴角浮现出愉快而放松的笑容。
3.体现语言的鲜活感
有些学生写的部分英文属于中式思维,同时有些单词缺乏升级意识。考虑词汇升级时,尤其要考虑形容词、副词和动词的巧妙运用,这些词能让语言更鲜活。请体会以下语境中动词、形容词或副词的妙用:
①(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)Swiftly, we exchanged our contact details, a silent pact of honor formed between us.
很快,我们交换了联系方式,我们之间形成了一种无声的荣誉契约。
②(2023·1月浙江卷)It was a hummingbird, desperately trying to escape. She was covered in spider-webs and was barely able to move her wings.
那是一只蜂鸟, 拼命想挣脱。它被蜘蛛网覆盖着,翅膀几乎不能动。
③(2023·1月浙江卷)Having finished visiting my friend, I wandered alone along the path, kicking pebbles.
拜访完我的朋友后,我踢着鹅卵石独自在小路上漫步。
④(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)I sensed that his dilemma gave way to the trust in me, with his eyes twinkling with determination and hope.
我感觉到他的窘境让位给了对我的信任,他的眼睛里闪烁着决心和希望。
⑤Mounting anger mingled with hunger overwhelming him, he smashed his paws frantically against the wire fence, thrusting his sharp claws at us.
越来越多夹杂着饥饿的愤怒压倒了他,他疯狂地用爪子猛击铁丝网,用锋利的爪子向我们刺来。
二、运用修辞手法,写作锦上添花
  “创造了丰富、合理的内容,富有逻辑性,续写完整,与原文情境融洽度高”是读后续写评分标准最高档的标准之一。当我们按照前面的步骤初步写完续写内容时,写作内容已经具备合理性、逻辑性、丰富性和完整性。为了做到与前文情境融洽度高,避免语言枯燥,可以适当用修辞手法进一步提升语言的表现力。常用的修辞手法有比喻(明喻和暗喻)、拟人、夸张、平行结构等。
1.比喻之明喻
明喻是将具有共性的不同事物作对比。这种共性存在于人们的心里,而不是事物的自然属性,常带有比喻词,如like、as、seem、as if、as though等。恰到好处的明喻可以使文章生动活泼且烘托环境氛围。
①(2024·1月浙江卷)After what seemed a century, it occurred to her that the shadow of the oak tree was just like the landmark of a long distance.
仿佛过了一个世纪,她突然意识到那棵橡树的影子就像远方的地标。
②(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)His smile was as warm as it was on that frantic evening.
他的微笑和那个疯狂的夜晚一样温暖。
③(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)Upon seeing one another, we embraced as if we were long-lost friends.
一见到对方,我们就像久违的朋友一样拥抱在一起。
④(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)His body still rocked from side to side, with his name and number tag on his back flying up and down like the flag of permanent perseverance.
他的身体仍在左右摇晃,背上的姓名和号码标签上下飘扬,像一面永远坚韧不拔的旗帜。
2.比喻之暗喻
暗喻也是对两种具有共同特征的事物或现象进行对比,但与明喻不同的是暗喻的本体和喻体之间多通过be动词来联系,或者进行隐性比较。暗喻往往可以激发读者的联想,使其对文本产生更深刻的认识。在读后续写中,一个得当的暗喻可以让阅卷者眼前一亮。
①My sister’s hair was a flowing golden river streaming down over her shoulders.
我姐姐的头发像是一条流淌在她肩上的金色河流。
②The beautiful grassland was a scented carpet of colour.
这个美丽的草原如同一块芬芳的彩色地毯。
③My parents frowned as they knew they had a sea of troubles.
我的父母眉头紧皱,因为他们知道他们要面对的问题数不胜数。
3.拟人
拟人是把事物人格化,将本来不具备人类动作和感情的事物变得和人一样,使其具有人类的情感,作出人类的动作。适当地采用拟人化手法,能增强语言表达的感染力和生动性,使被描写对象栩栩如生,活灵活现。
①(2023·1月浙江卷)As I carried her up the blackberry-lined path toward my car where I kept a water bottle, she began to move. I stopped, and she soon took wing but did not immediately fly away. Hovering (悬停), she approached within six inches of my face.
当我带着它沿着黑莓小径走向我在里面放了一个水瓶的车时,它开始动了起来。我停了下来,它很快就飞了起来,但没有立即飞走。它徘徊在离我的脸不到六英寸的地方。
②(2022·1月浙江卷)Days and nights witnessed my devotion to observing teenagers around us and interviewing them patiently and logically.
日日夜夜,我专注于观察我们身边的青少年,耐心并头头是道地采访他们。
③The angry sea took hungry bites from the shore.
愤怒的大海饥渴地吞噬着海岸。
④The handsome houses on the street were not fully awake, but they looked friendly.
街上那些漂亮的房子并没有完全苏醒,但它们看起来很友好。
4.夸张
夸张是指对表达对象进行有违常理或不合逻辑的描写,是为了强调而故意夸大事实,在数量、形状或程度上加以渲染以增强表达效果,用来抒发作者或说话人的强烈感情。
①On our way, I held onto her little hand, and she beamed a smile that was brighter than the sun.
在路上,我抓住她的小手,她露出了比太阳还要灿烂的笑容。
②Lucy is a musical genius. Her performances always bring the house down.
露西是一个音乐天才。她的表演总能赢得满堂彩。
③It is just the opening of lessons but it felt like I have a million things to do already.
这只是课程的开始,但感觉好像我已经有一百万件事情要做了。
5.平行结构
平行结构,也称“排比”,是把结构相同或相似、意思相关、语气一致的几个词语或句子并列使用,结构上整齐匀称,节奏明快,读起来铿锵有力,有极强的说服力,能增强文章的表达效果和气势。使用平行结构时需注意词性、结构和时态的一致。
①(2023·新课标Ⅰ卷)But, like Revere’s horse, I kept going. I worked hard. I checked my spelling. I asked my older sister to correct my grammar. I checked out a half-dozen books on Paul Revere from the library. I even read a few of them.
但是,就像里维尔的马一样,我继续前行。我努力工作。我检查了拼写。我请姐姐纠正我的语法。我从图书馆里查了六本关于保罗·里维尔的书。我甚至读了其中的一些。
②The vast bright blue sky, the limitless fresh green grass, the charming wild flowers, and the group of adorable sheep kept me spellbound.
辽阔明亮的蓝天,无限清新的绿草,迷人的野花,可爱的羊群,这些都让我着迷。
③Terrible thoughts flashed through Jane’s mind:whether there were dangerous animals in the forest, whether she could survive the night safely, and whether Tom could find her.
可怕的念头在简的脑海中闪过:森林里是否有危险的动物,她能否安全度过夜晚,汤姆能否找到她。
三、关注逻辑衔接,确保行文流畅
  “自然有效地使用了段落间、语句间衔接手段,全文结构清晰,前后呼应,意义连贯”是读后续写评分标准最高档的标准之一。这里不仅提及了句与句之间的衔接,也对文章的整体连贯性作出了要求。在前面的写作步骤中我们已经做到了大方向的连贯,在此环节我们主要润色一下语句之间的流畅衔接以及逻辑连贯性,以确保语言的顺畅感和结构的紧凑感。注意灵活使用以下衔接手段:
1.省略
避免重复,突出新信息,语言简练,紧密连接上下文。
(2022· 1月浙江卷)When visiting him, I noticed for the first time a sense of vulnerability on his face.
在拜访他时,我第一次在他脸上看到一种脆弱感。
(When visiting him为When I was visiting him的省略,此省略使句子更加简练)
2.近义词汇变换表达
在表述同一事物、概念时,可以使用同类词汇进行替代,这样不仅可以增加表达的多样性,也可以自然而然地将语篇进行有效衔接。
(1)近义词替换:使用近义词替换要保证替换的词语在语境中可以准确恰当地表达原词含义。
The flat at the top of the tower block was empty. It had been vacant for a long time.
塔楼顶部的那间公寓是空的,已经空置很长时间了。
(2)上下义替换:上义词是对事物的概括性、抽象性的说明,下义词是事物的具体表现形式或对事物更为具体的说明。
Usually, people shout at us, insult us, and treat us like thieves. It’s only 10:00 am and I haven’t had a single conversation without an offense.
通常,人们朝我们大喊大叫,侮辱我们,把我们当贼对待。现在才上午十点,我还没有一次谈话是不被冒犯的。(使用offense指前句中所提及的shout at us, insult us, treat us like thieves等行为,形成上下义关系。三个动作层层递进,程度一步步加深,情感也随之加强,刻画出了人物所处环境之恶劣)
3.准确使用连接词
为了强调句子之间的逻辑关系,语篇中可以使用连接性质的词语进行语义逻辑的关联。常见的逻辑关系有转折 (however, though, whereas, while, but ...)、时间 (previously, meanwhile, finally, throughout, until ...)、因果 (as,so that, consequently, thus, because, since, on account of, owing to, thanks to ...)、条件 (if, as long as, unless, on condition that, on the assumption that ...)和让步 (though, although, while, even if/though, as, nevertheless, whatever, despite ...)等。
When I saw him, the exhausted but patient salesman was still signaling at people for a lift and meanwhile showing them the piece of paper. I pressed my feet down sharply on the pedals in a desperate attempt to offer my help as soon as possible.
当我看到他时,那个筋疲力尽但耐心的推销员仍在向人们示意搭便车,同时向他们展示那张纸。我拼命地猛踩踏板,试图尽快提供帮助。
2 / 2第七讲 勤润色——3处着眼,打造高分亮点
  读后续写评分标准最高档要求如下:
  (1)创造了丰富、合理的内容,富有逻辑性,续写完整,与原文情境融洽度高;
  (2)使用了多样且恰当的词汇和语法结构,表达流畅,语言错误很少,且完全不影响理解;
  (3)自然有效地使用了段落间、语句间衔接手段,全文结构清晰,前后呼应,意义连贯。
  为了达到上述要求,我们应该特别关注以下几方面:
一、丰富语法结构,升级词汇表达
  “使用了多样且恰当的词汇和语法结构,表达流畅,语言错误很少,且完全不影响理解”是读后续写评分标准最高档的标准之一。为了确保这一标准的达成,我们需要做到如下几点:
1.杜绝低级错误
在写作过程中,大多数学生由于不细心而导致出现低级错误。例如:a/an的用法错误;单词拼写错误;名词可数与不可数错误(如make a progress),词性错误(如I’m like music.之类的错误)以及时态混乱错误等。如果一篇还不错的写作里面出现了低级语法错误,这会向阅卷老师传递一个减分的信号。因此,学生在初步完成写作后,要快速检查是否有这种低级错误并纠正。
2.丰富句式表达
含有丰富语法结构的句式能提高文章的档次。在写作中,可以通过使用各种名词性从句、特殊句式、with复合结构、虚拟语气、无灵主语等来完成句式升级。同时,注意长短句相间,使文章富有节奏感。 句式结构太单一,会让阅卷老师感觉文章平淡像流水账。因此,初步完成写作后,要审视一下语法结构是否丰富,句式之间是否有流畅的节奏感。请体会以下语法现象:
①(2024·1月浙江卷)Not only did Eva broaden her living space, but she also got to be involved in varieties of activities.(部分倒装句)
伊娃不仅扩大了她的生活空间,而且还参加了各种各样的活动。
②(2024·1月浙江卷)Huge as the school still was, she conquered her fear and stepped out of her comfort zone.(表语倒装)
虽然学校仍然很大,但她克服了恐惧,走出了自己的舒适区。
③(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)A feeling of helplessness washed over me as I saw the bus queue thinning out. (无灵主语)
当我看到排队等公共汽车的人越来越少时,一种无助的感觉涌上心头。
④(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)It was an unconventional request, and I held little hope that he would agree.(同位语从句)
这是一个不合常规的要求,我对他会同意不抱什么希望。
⑤(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)Gunter was definitely the best taxi driver that you would meet in Vienna and maybe Austria. (定语从句)
甘特绝对是你在维也纳,甚至可能在奥地利遇到的最好的出租车司机。
⑥It was at that moment that a warm surge of streams washed through my body, and the image of the horse emerged in my mind, encouraging me to continue writing. (强调句;无灵主语;非谓语动词短语作状语)
就在那一刻,一股暖流涌入我的身体,那匹马的形象浮现在我的脑海中,鼓励我继续写作。
⑦(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)I thanked him with the biggest smile on my face, and we exchanged contact information before I got on the bus.(with复合结构作状语;时间状语从句)
我面带最灿烂的微笑感谢他,在我上车之前,我们交换了联系方式。
⑧(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)David looked up at us, a pleasurable and relaxing smile appearing at the corners of his mouth.(独立主格作状语)
大卫抬头看着我们,嘴角浮现出愉快而放松的笑容。
3.体现语言的鲜活感
有些学生写的部分英文属于中式思维,同时有些单词缺乏升级意识。考虑词汇升级时,尤其要考虑形容词、副词和动词的巧妙运用,这些词能让语言更鲜活。请体会以下语境中动词、形容词或副词的妙用:
①(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)Swiftly, we exchanged our contact details, a silent pact of honor formed between us.
很快,我们交换了联系方式,我们之间形成了一种无声的荣誉契约。
②(2023·1月浙江卷)It was a hummingbird, desperately trying to escape. She was covered in spider-webs and was barely able to move her wings.
那是一只蜂鸟, 拼命想挣脱。它被蜘蛛网覆盖着,翅膀几乎不能动。
③(2023·1月浙江卷)Having finished visiting my friend, I wandered alone along the path, kicking pebbles.
拜访完我的朋友后,我踢着鹅卵石独自在小路上漫步。
④(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)I sensed that his dilemma gave way to the trust in me, with his eyes twinkling with determination and hope.
我感觉到他的窘境让位给了对我的信任,他的眼睛里闪烁着决心和希望。
⑤Mounting anger mingled with hunger overwhelming him, he smashed his paws frantically against the wire fence, thrusting his sharp claws at us.
越来越多夹杂着饥饿的愤怒压倒了他,他疯狂地用爪子猛击铁丝网,用锋利的爪子向我们刺来。
二、运用修辞手法,写作锦上添花
  “创造了丰富、合理的内容,富有逻辑性,续写完整,与原文情境融洽度高”是读后续写评分标准最高档的标准之一。当我们按照前面的步骤初步写完续写内容时,写作内容已经具备合理性、逻辑性、丰富性和完整性。为了做到与前文情境融洽度高,避免语言枯燥,可以适当用修辞手法进一步提升语言的表现力。常用的修辞手法有比喻(明喻和暗喻)、拟人、夸张、平行结构等。
1.比喻之明喻
明喻是将具有共性的不同事物作对比。这种共性存在于人们的心里,而不是事物的自然属性,常带有比喻词,如like、as、seem、as if、as though等。恰到好处的明喻可以使文章生动活泼且烘托环境氛围。
①(2024·1月浙江卷)After what seemed a century, it occurred to her that the shadow of the oak tree was just like the landmark of a long distance.
仿佛过了一个世纪,她突然意识到那棵橡树的影子就像远方的地标。
②(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)His smile was as warm as it was on that frantic evening.
他的微笑和那个疯狂的夜晚一样温暖。
③(2024·新课标Ⅰ卷)Upon seeing one another, we embraced as if we were long-lost friends.
一见到对方,我们就像久违的朋友一样拥抱在一起。
④(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)His body still rocked from side to side, with his name and number tag on his back flying up and down like the flag of permanent perseverance.
他的身体仍在左右摇晃,背上的姓名和号码标签上下飘扬,像一面永远坚韧不拔的旗帜。
2.比喻之暗喻
暗喻也是对两种具有共同特征的事物或现象进行对比,但与明喻不同的是暗喻的本体和喻体之间多通过be动词来联系,或者进行隐性比较。暗喻往往可以激发读者的联想,使其对文本产生更深刻的认识。在读后续写中,一个得当的暗喻可以让阅卷者眼前一亮。
①My sister’s hair was a flowing golden river streaming down over her shoulders.
我姐姐的头发像是一条流淌在她肩上的金色河流。
②The beautiful grassland was a scented carpet of colour.
这个美丽的草原如同一块芬芳的彩色地毯。
③My parents frowned as they knew they had a sea of troubles.
我的父母眉头紧皱,因为他们知道他们要面对的问题数不胜数。
3.拟人
拟人是把事物人格化,将本来不具备人类动作和感情的事物变得和人一样,使其具有人类的情感,作出人类的动作。适当地采用拟人化手法,能增强语言表达的感染力和生动性,使被描写对象栩栩如生,活灵活现。
①(2023·1月浙江卷)As I carried her up the blackberry-lined path toward my car where I kept a water bottle, she began to move. I stopped, and she soon took wing but did not immediately fly away. Hovering (悬停), she approached within six inches of my face.
当我带着它沿着黑莓小径走向我在里面放了一个水瓶的车时,它开始动了起来。我停了下来,它很快就飞了起来,但没有立即飞走。它徘徊在离我的脸不到六英寸的地方。
②(2022·1月浙江卷)Days and nights witnessed my devotion to observing teenagers around us and interviewing them patiently and logically.
日日夜夜,我专注于观察我们身边的青少年,耐心并头头是道地采访他们。
③The angry sea took hungry bites from the shore.
愤怒的大海饥渴地吞噬着海岸。
④The handsome houses on the street were not fully awake, but they looked friendly.
街上那些漂亮的房子并没有完全苏醒,但它们看起来很友好。
4.夸张
夸张是指对表达对象进行有违常理或不合逻辑的描写,是为了强调而故意夸大事实,在数量、形状或程度上加以渲染以增强表达效果,用来抒发作者或说话人的强烈感情。
①On our way, I held onto her little hand, and she beamed a smile that was brighter than the sun.
在路上,我抓住她的小手,她露出了比太阳还要灿烂的笑容。
②Lucy is a musical genius. Her performances always bring the house down.
露西是一个音乐天才。她的表演总能赢得满堂彩。
③It is just the opening of lessons but it felt like I have a million things to do already.
这只是课程的开始,但感觉好像我已经有一百万件事情要做了。
5.平行结构
平行结构,也称“排比”,是把结构相同或相似、意思相关、语气一致的几个词语或句子并列使用,结构上整齐匀称,节奏明快,读起来铿锵有力,有极强的说服力,能增强文章的表达效果和气势。使用平行结构时需注意词性、结构和时态的一致。
①(2023·新课标Ⅰ卷)But, like Revere’s horse, I kept going. I worked hard. I checked my spelling. I asked my older sister to correct my grammar. I checked out a half-dozen books on Paul Revere from the library. I even read a few of them.
但是,就像里维尔的马一样,我继续前行。我努力工作。我检查了拼写。我请姐姐纠正我的语法。我从图书馆里查了六本关于保罗·里维尔的书。我甚至读了其中的一些。
②The vast bright blue sky, the limitless fresh green grass, the charming wild flowers, and the group of adorable sheep kept me spellbound.
辽阔明亮的蓝天,无限清新的绿草,迷人的野花,可爱的羊群,这些都让我着迷。
③Terrible thoughts flashed through Jane’s mind:whether there were dangerous animals in the forest, whether she could survive the night safely, and whether Tom could find her.
可怕的念头在简的脑海中闪过:森林里是否有危险的动物,她能否安全度过夜晚,汤姆能否找到她。
三、关注逻辑衔接,确保行文流畅
  “自然有效地使用了段落间、语句间衔接手段,全文结构清晰,前后呼应,意义连贯”是读后续写评分标准最高档的标准之一。这里不仅提及了句与句之间的衔接,也对文章的整体连贯性作出了要求。在前面的写作步骤中我们已经做到了大方向的连贯,在此环节我们主要润色一下语句之间的流畅衔接以及逻辑连贯性,以确保语言的顺畅感和结构的紧凑感。注意灵活使用以下衔接手段:
1.省略
避免重复,突出新信息,语言简练,紧密连接上下文。
(2022· 1月浙江卷)When visiting him, I noticed for the first time a sense of vulnerability on his face.
在拜访他时,我第一次在他脸上看到一种脆弱感。
(When visiting him为When I was visiting him的省略,此省略使句子更加简练)
2.近义词汇变换表达
在表述同一事物、概念时,可以使用同类词汇进行替代,这样不仅可以增加表达的多样性,也可以自然而然地将语篇进行有效衔接。
(1)近义词替换:使用近义词替换要保证替换的词语在语境中可以准确恰当地表达原词含义。
The flat at the top of the tower block was empty. It had been vacant for a long time.
塔楼顶部的那间公寓是空的,已经空置很长时间了。
(2)上下义替换:上义词是对事物的概括性、抽象性的说明,下义词是事物的具体表现形式或对事物更为具体的说明。
Usually, people shout at us, insult us, and treat us like thieves. It’s only 10:00 am and I haven’t had a single conversation without an offense.
通常,人们朝我们大喊大叫,侮辱我们,把我们当贼对待。现在才上午十点,我还没有一次谈话是不被冒犯的。(使用offense指前句中所提及的shout at us, insult us, treat us like thieves等行为,形成上下义关系。三个动作层层递进,程度一步步加深,情感也随之加强,刻画出了人物所处环境之恶劣)
3.准确使用连接词
为了强调句子之间的逻辑关系,语篇中可以使用连接性质的词语进行语义逻辑的关联。常见的逻辑关系有转折 (however, though, whereas, while, but ...)、时间 (previously, meanwhile, finally, throughout, until ...)、因果 (as,so that, consequently, thus, because, since, on account of, owing to, thanks to ...)、条件 (if, as long as, unless, on condition that, on the assumption that ...)和让步 (though, although,while, even if/though, as, nevertheless, whatever, despite ...)等。
When I saw him, the exhausted but patient salesman was still signaling at people for a lift and meanwhile showing them the piece of paper. I pressed my feet down sharply on the pedals in a desperate attempt to offer my help as soon as possible.
当我看到他时,那个筋疲力尽但耐心的推销员仍在向人们示意搭便车,同时向他们展示那张纸。我拼命地猛踩踏板,试图尽快提供帮助。
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