记叙文讲评（1）
【习作要求】
1987年4月初，在中国东北发生了一场特大森林大火。大火是由一名青年工人吸烟引起的。在数千名解放军战士与当地群众的共同努力下，一个月后，大火最终被扑灭了。在这次事故中，大约有200人被烧死了。经济损失至少了1，000多万元。
请以“A Big Forest Fire”为题，写一篇约80-100词的记叙文。
【名师提示】
这是一篇典型的记叙文，所以在写作时，首先要交待清楚“什么时间、什么地点、发生了什么事”。根据提示，本文应该重点写“人们是怎样灭火的”。
参考词汇：
(1) Break out , happen, hit, come about 等，都可以表示发生的意思，且都是不及物动词。
(2) Fight against 表示“与…进行斗争”；
(3) Draw lesson from 意思是：从…中吸取教训。
【学生习作】
A Big Forest Fire
A big forest fire broke out in the northeast of China in early April, 1987. The fire was caused by a cigarette end which a young worker carelessly threw (1) in the forest. Thousands of PLA soldiers and local people fought bravely against the fire until it was completely put out. The fire lasted about a month, causing a damage of at least ten million yuan (2). About 200 men were killed in the fire and many more were injured. The whole nation was shocked at the news and many people are thinking: What lesson should we draw from the fire (1) Threw 最好改成had thrown, 也就是说用过去完成时态，因为该动作发生在大火发生之前。
(2) 此处用现在分词短语作状语，表示结果，这种用法很好。这就是一个很好的“彩句”。
【名师点评】
由于是记叙过去发生的事情，所以文章总体上用的是一般过去时态，同时也用到了过去完成时态和被动语态形式，使得对事情的叙述有时间感。大量使用动词，增加了文章的动感。对非谓语动词的使用，增加了文章色彩，体现了作者的写作水平。
记叙文讲评（2）
【习作要求】
诚实是一种美德，是中华民族的优良传统。请以诚实为话题，写一篇记叙文。
【名师提示】
(1) 首先要确定写作的中心是歌颂诚实。提示没有给出故事情节，所以我们还要构思出一个具体的情节，通过叙事，反映主人公的诚实的美德。生活中这样的事例很多，我们曾经学过一篇文章，讲的是列宁小时候的故事。故事说列宁有一次在姨妈家打碎了一只花瓶，后来列宁勇敢地向姨妈承认了错误，姨妈夸奖列宁是个城市的孩子。所以我们也可以按照这样的情节去构思一篇。
(2) 在写作中，要注意动词的时态。要根据动作发生的时间，来确定使用适当的动词时态。
(3) 要注意叙事的顺序和详略得当。
【学生习作】
Honesty
When I was a little child, I was very naughty and eager to know how the things around me worked.
One day, I found a little clock in my grandpa's room. It had a red hand which kept running and running. I wondered who was there turning the clock. So I took the clock apart. And then I looked carefully and seriously into it with great interest. At last I was delighted to know how it worked (1). But I didn't know how to put the parts together correctly. I tried my best but still a few parts were left. I didn't know where to fit them. So I hid them.
When Grandpa came back, he found the clock didn't work any more. He asked me who had touched it. I said I hadn't, but my heart was beating rapidly because I was lying. Grandpa began to repair the clock. Of course he couldn't make it work again without those missing parts. I became quite afraid and took out the parts to him, my face turning red (2). Then I heard his voice, “Good！That's right. But you should not have told(3) the lie. Remember： if you want to be a true man you must be honest first.” (1) 注意记事的顺序；用到了and then, at last这样表示顺序的词。
(2) 此处的my face turning red 是一种独立主格结构，现在已不要求高中学生掌握这一语法结构了。
(3) should （not） have done这种结构表示“本来（不）应该…”，事实与愿望相反。
【名师点评】
文章用简洁的语言描述了作者孩提时的一件令人难以忘怀的往事。文章最大的特点在于全文200多个词，动词近60个，因而文章生动活泼，很有动感。文章的主要笔墨集中在叙事中，而且详略得当，最后用爷爷的话点题。
记叙文讲评（3）
【习作要求】
拾金不昧是一种优良品质。在日常生活中，我们可能会经常捡到别人的财物，大多数人会主动归还，但也有人可能会据为己有。请以此为话题，写一篇120字左右的记叙文。题目自拟。
【名师提示】
(1) 这种只给了中心话题，没有给具体情节的记叙文，我们在动笔之前，首先要确定的是文章的立意；然后要在脑中勾勒出具体的画面，确定故事的情节。立意要新颖，选材要得当。
(2) 写这类文章，一般是通过叙述一个完整的故事，让读者领会出文章主人公的那种“拾金不昧”的高尚情操。当然这是通常的思路，你也可以从另外一个角度来立意，比如下面这篇文章。
(3) 在写作的过程中，要注意使用合适的句型来表达；另外，还要注意时态的运用。
【学生习作】
The“Lost”Money
“What's that ” Just as she walked out of the dormitory, she caught sight of something on the ground. “Oh, money! ” She hurried to (1) the money with her eyes opened wide(2),and stepped on it. She looked around “God bless me! There is nobody but me.” She picked up the money and put it into her pocket by pretending to tie her shoes. Then she hurried back into the dormitory with her face hot and red.
Having closed the door, she began to count the money. “One yuan, two yuan… Ah, sixty yuan!” Her heart beat very fast.
She thought,“With it, I can buy a new suit. (3) Let those girls who care for dressing envy me. I would look splendid in my new clothes.”
The whole morning she learned nothing about her lessons. In the afternoon she walked into the classroom, dressed in new clothes. She looked like a beautiful actress. Tens of eyes (4) were fixed upon her. She felt as if she were on top of the world.
A few days passed, but she didn't hear anyone looking for money (5). So she looked at herself in the mirror joyfully (6).
One night she began to count her “possessions(财产)”. “Oh, my dear! Where is my sixty yuan？ I have to live on (7)for two months ” “Oh, the money! My sixty yuan!” (1)rushed for比 hurried to更生动。
(2)习惯用 with one's eyes/mouth wide open。
(3)后接直接引语，最好用 think aloud(自言自语)，把she thought aloud插在中间，更符合英语习惯。
(4)习惯用 dozens of表达“几十”。
(5)“听说某人干某事”，要说 hear of sb. doing sth. 。hear sb. doing sth. 是真的能“听”到，如 hear him singing；money前加 the，是特指这 60元钱。
(6)加 even more 使上下文更连贯。
(7)live on 少宾语，加上it, 作宾语，代替the 60 yuan.
【名师点评】
文章构思巧妙，对主人公的心理描写非常的真实、生动，人物塑造较为成功。词汇、句子结构也较丰富。这篇文章的精彩之处在于这种出乎预料的结尾，给读者留下了深刻的印象；同时，也让读者感受到作者新颖的立意。优秀作文评析6---
日记
（1998年高考书面表达题）
5月3日，你参观了一个农场。请根据下列图画用英语写一篇日记。
注意：
1、日记须包括所有图画的内容，可以适当增减细节，使日记连贯；
2、词数100左右。
【经典范文】
May 3rd，Sunday Fine
Today we visited a farm. Early in the morning we met at the school gate and went there together. The farm workers gave us a warm welcome. Then the head of the farm showed us around. How glad we were to see the crops and vegetables growing well. At noon we had a picnic lunch in the sunshine. After a short rest，we had great fun singing and dancing, telling jokes or stories. Two of us even played a game of chess. The time passed quickly. Before we know it，we had to say goodbye to the workers.
【名师点评】
本题为看图写日记。考生需要细致观察、分析、想象，恰当地运用所学词汇、短语和句型才能写出符合题目要求的文章。
考查考生观察理解能力和语言的实际运用能力。考生必须仔细观察每一幅图，恰当地运用所学词汇、短语、句型表达一个完整的故事。
1、观察六幅图，确定主题，再根据主题，确定内容要点，列出提纲，以日记的形式写出。
经过观察分析，确定主题应为：去农场参观。
内容要点：
① 一大早我们在校门口集合，向红星农场出发。
Early in the morning we met at the school gate and went to Hongxing Farm.
② 到达农场，受到热烈欢迎。
There the farm workers gave us a warm welcome.
③ 工人领我们参观农场，看到庄稼长势良好，我们很高兴。
Then showed us around. We were glad to see the crops and vegetables growing well.
④ 中午阳光下野餐。
At noon we had a picnic lunch in the sunshine.
⑤ 休息后，我们唱歌、跳舞、讲故事、下棋。
After a short rest, we had great fun singing and dancing, telling stories and playing chess.
⑥ 太阳西下，我们告别农场工人。
With the sun setting in the west, we had to say goodbye to the workers.
以上是文章的六个要点，成文时，必须用日记的形式来表达，注意用第一人称描写一天所发生的事情。
2、考生只要确定文章句子的时态，语言表达清楚，就能写出一篇好文章。优秀作文评析9－－启事
为了祝贺北京四中网校www.etiantian.com ( http: / / www.etiantian.com / " \t "_blank )《英语角English Corner》开设10周年，编辑部决定出一期特刊，内容介绍《英语角》10年来对同学们的影响及取得的成就。欢迎广大同学们踊跃投稿。稿件不拘形式，截稿日期九月一日。
请你根据所述内容，用英语为编辑部写一则征稿启事。
【经典范文】
Contributions Wanted
September 1st, 2004
To congratulate our close friend－”English Corner” of Beijng No. 4 High School Online (www.etiantian.com ( http: / / www.etiantian.com / " \t "_blank )) － on her tenth birthday, we have decided to publish a special issue. Emphasizing the achievement comes from “English Corner” since she was issued. And how she can help the students with their English for ten years.
All the students welcome to send in their contributions in whatever form or style before our deadline of September 1st, 2004.
The Editor Dapartment of “Beijng No. 4 High School Online”
【名师点评】
注意启事的格式。写作时语言要朴实、诚恳。时态用一般现在时。本文涉及到的生词：
(1)“祝贺”：congratulate；
(2)“出一期特刊”用publish a special issue表示；
(3)“投稿，征稿”：contributions；
(4)“截止日期”：deadline。优秀作文评析10－－致辞
格林先生和夫人在我国进行了三个多月的访问，参观了许多地方，他们仔细考察了我国的教育状况及政治、经济、文化等方面的情况。今天在办公礼堂举行集会欢送格林夫妇。请你作为代表致词，对他们表示欢送并请他们转达我们对英国人民的深情厚谊。最后祝他们一路顺风。
字数：80——120。
【名师提示】
欢送词是社交活动中用以欢送宾客朋友的专用文书。欢送词的写法也应视具体情况而定，因为分手的原因及情景是多种多样的。因此，在欢送词当中应避免说一些不吉利或令人不快的话语(offense words)。通常欢送词需要表达对被欢送者的赞美以及对分别后的美好祝愿等。
【学生习作】
Ladies and gentlemen,
Time flies! Over three months ago we happily gathered here in this hall to give Mr. and Mrs. Green a warm welcome. It is with a special sense of cordiality and joy that we are now gathering here again with them after they have concluded a tour to many parts of our country. During their stay in China, they have carefully studied our educational system as well as politics, economy, culture and so on. They are leaving for home tomorrow. Here we ask them to convey our profound friendship to the people of the United Kingdom. We wish them a pleasant journey home and good health. Let's now warmly welcome Mr. Smith to address us.
【名师点评】
“Ladies and gentlemen”一般常作为欢送词的称呼语。本文选作一般情况介绍，再对此加以评论和发表看法，表述感情，正好符合欢送词的要求。优秀作文评析（4）――书信
(2001春季高考试题)
假定你是李华，你所在的学校拟在下个月举办美国电影节（American Film Festival）。请你根据以下要点给你的美国朋友Peter写一封短信，邀请他给学生做一次讲座。信的主要内容包括：
1．讲座目的：使学生对美国电影有所了解；
2．讲座内容：简要介绍美国电影（制片）业的历史；
3．讲座时间：1小时30分钟左右。
注意：
1．可以适当增加细节，使结构完整。
2．词数100左右。
Dear Peter，
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
Yours, Li Hua
【经典范文】
Dear Peter，
Our school is planning to hold an American Film Festival next month. I’m writing to ask you to come and give a talk on American films and filmmaking industry. It will help us understand how the industry has developed into big business as it is today. This understanding should go a long way toward increasing their knowledge of American culture in general. Do you think one and a half hours will be enough Please let me know as soon as possible so that I can make arrangements.
I’m looking forward to seeing you and enjoying the talk.
With best wishes，
Yours, Li Hua
【名师点评】
应首先根据题目提供的信息先整理出提纲，然后写出英语主要词语和句型，最后整理成文。内容要点如下：
(1) 举办美国电影节；
(2) 写信请Peter做讲座；
(3) 讲座目的：使学生了解美国电影；
(4) 讲座内容：美国电影历史；
(5) 讲座时间及安排。
在认真分析以上内容要点的基础上，要写出所要用到的英语主要词语和句型，然后组句成文。
优秀作文评析（5）――书信
假如今天是1994年6月18日。你的名字叫高洁。家住在北京东四大街100号。刚收到你的澳洲朋友Bob Home写给你的信，他的住址是：55 Allan Avenue，Belmore 2129 N．S．W．Australia．现在你给他写回信，信中祝贺他在大学入学(matriculation)考试中获得好成绩，你确信他能考入他所喜欢的重点大学。然后你告诉他，因为明年你即将高中毕业，从现在起必须充分利用时间做好考试的准备，力争在来年的考试中能像他一样取得好成绩，考入理想的(ideal)大学——北京清华大学。
要求：
1)只须用英语表达上述的内容，不必逐句翻译。
2)信中不要使用自己的真实姓名和地址。
全篇词数：100词左右。
【经典范文】
100 Songsi street
Beijing
P.R.C
June 18, 1994
Mr Bob Home
55 Allan Avenue
Belmore 2129
N.S.W.
Australia
Dear Bob Home,
I have just received your letter. I am really glad to hear that you have done so well in the Matriculation Examination. Congratulations! With such excellent results you will be able to get into any leading university you like, I am sure.
Next year I shall finish my middle school, and I want very much to enter my ideal university, Qinghua University. So from now on I have to make full use of my time to get well prepared for the next year's Matriculation Examination. I shall try my best to do as well as you have done in your Matriculation Examination this year. Please say hello to your family.
Yours sincerely,
Gao Jie
【名师点评】
这是一封祝贺信。在西方，当知道某一位朋友有什么喜事（如：订婚、结婚、生子）或取得某些成就、获得某项荣誉、奖赏时，往往立刻写信祝贺，对这种书信的要求是：真诚、自然、亲切动人。
(1) what exciting (wonderful ,happy)news!
(2) I was delighted (pleasantly surprised )to hear (receive) the news (to receive the announcement) (to read in the newspaper)
(3) I congratulate you
(4) Congratulations on
Permit me to congratulate you优秀作文评析8－－便条
假定你叫蔡琴，你在星期天下午三点到同学王丹家，她正好不在，请你用英语给她写一张便条，内容如下：
明天下午二点半在主楼会议室召开一个关于如何学习英语的讨论会，围绕两种意见进行讨论：
(1)多背单词，熟记语法规则就可学好英语；
(2)学好英语的方法是尽可能地多说英语，语法规则无关紧要。
请她准时到会并发表意见。
【名师提示】
须采用便条书写的正确格式，且便条内容要包括题目要求的所有内容。
参考词汇：
观点 point of view, viewpoint
【学生习作】
3:00 p.m. Dear Wang Dan
A discussion on how ①learn English will be held at 2:30 p.m. tomorrow in the meeting hall of the main building. The discussion will be about the following viewpoints:
1. Recite as many new words as you can and memorize the grammar rules.
2. The best way to learn English is to speak English as much as possible and grammar is not so important.
Please make a good preparation and come to the discussion in time② to give your opinion. Yours truly
Cai Qin ①how的后面应加上to，这里为“疑问词＋动词不定式”固定搭配。
②固定搭配on time是准时，而in time则是“及时”之意，根据文章内容，on time才是正确的。
【名师点评】
本文要点齐全，语法错误较少，并严格完成了题目所要求的内容，是一篇较好的习作。而且许多词组运用恰当，如：as much as possible，as…as one can, make a good preparation等词组为习作增添不少亮点。优秀作文评析7－－通知
(2000年春季高考试题)
为了丰富外国留学生的生活，你校学生会将举办一次音乐周活动。请你以组织者的身份写一个书面通知。有关内容如下：
时间：5月第1周
活动：
(1)演唱歌曲：流行歌曲
(2)器乐演奏：古曲和民间音乐
(3)音乐比赛：听歌曲片断，然后猜出处
地点：届时通知
参加者请于4月20日前报名。
注意：
(1)书面通知应写成一篇连贯的短文；
(2)可以适当增减细节；
(3)词数100左右；
(4)通知格式已为你写好；
(5)生词：古典—classical
民间—folk
乐器—musical instruments
比赛—contest
April 10,2000
Dear students,
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________ Come to the great fun!
【经典范文】
Dear students,
The Students Union has decided to organize a music week. It will be held in the first week of May. The activities include singing pop songs and playing classical and folk music. Bring your own musical instruments, please. A music contest will be included, too. The students taking part in the contest will listen to part of a song or a piece of music, and then guess where it comes from. If you'd like to take part in the music week, please come and sign up for it before April 20th. The place for the activities will be announced later.
Come to the great fun!
Students Union
【名师点评】
这是一篇提供信息的书面表达，要求写一篇书面表达，这就要求注意时间、地点、人物及重要信息，并要有开头和结尾。
内容要点：
(1)学生会将举办音乐周
(2)介绍音乐周的演唱及演奏内容
(3)活动内容还包括音乐比赛
(4)介绍音乐比赛的内容和方法
(5)报名的时间、地点和方法
这篇文章较好地完成了试题任务，准确无误地陈述了活动内容，要求等细节。语法结构和词汇运用得也很灵活、准确，具备了较强的表达能力。
