中小学教育资源及组卷应用平台
溯恩概要写作公开课
1．概要写作注意事项：
1.
通读（5-6分钟）—定主题和文章结构
2.
在还不是很紧张的情况下列备用词（1-2分钟）
3.
每段细读：找每段的主题句和关键信息（注意高频词和信号词）5-10分钟
4.
用自己语言描述：共10-15分钟
5.
合并通读：字数、连接、语法、拼写
3分钟
二．概要写作（浙江省省级重点中学平时练习的）
Three
hundred
years
ago,
people
had
much
shorter
lives
than
we
have
nowadays.
In
the
old
days,
if
people
survived
to
be
an
adult,
they
often
lived
to
60
or
70.
At
present,
the
average
life
people
can
live
is
66
years.
In
some
countries,
such
as
Japan
and
France,
it
is
more
than
80
years.
The
main
reason
for
this
is
better
diet,
better
hygiene
(卫生)
and
better
health
care.
It
was
much
more
dangerous
to
have
children
in
those
days.
Nine
percent
of
women
died
when
having
children.
Even
worse,
women
had
more
children
than
women
do
today.
For
example,
in
1800,
the
average
American
family
had
7
children.
However,
the
average
American
family
has
less
than
2
children
now.?
People
in
those
days
knew
much
less
about
hygiene
than
we
do.
Many
people
thought
it
was
dangerous
to
take
a
bath.
They
often
bathed
only
once
or
twice
a
year.
Instead
they
used
perfume
to
cover
their
body
odor
(气味).
Poor
people
didn't
have
enough
money
to
buy
toilets
or
clean
water.
Toothpaste
wasn't
available
in
those
days,
either.
Only
rich
people
used
toothbrushes,
so
toothache
was
very
common.
There
was
no
dentist
until
the
middle
of
the
19th
century.
If
people
had
a
toothache,
they
had
to
go
to
the
barber.
A
barber
at
that
time
not
only
cut
hair
but
also
took
out
teeth
and
did
other
small
operations.
The
way
doctors
treated
illnesses
in
the
past
is
rather
strange
to
us.
In
the
l8th
century.
Doctors
treated
almost
any
disease
in
the
same
way.
They
removed
blood
from
the
patients
and
often
used
leeches
(水蛭，蚂蟥)
to
help
them.
Hospitals
were
also
dangerous
places.
By
the
end
of
the
19th
century,
more
than
half
of
the
patients
had
died
from
the
diseases
which
came
from
other
patients.
主题：
结构：
文章内容草图
写下替换词：
主题：life:
lifespan,
life
expectancy（预期寿命）,
lifetime
原因：due
to
,
because
of,
on
account
of,
owing
to,
as,
since,
attribute
to
顺序：firstly/secondly/then/next/besides/another
reason/additionally...
Paragraph1:
1.
find
out
the
main
idea
or
key
point(people’s
lifespan
was
very
short
300
years
ago;
reasons:
diet,
hygiene
and
health
care)
第一段practice1:
?
People
today
can
live
a
longer
life.
It
was
dangerous
to
have
children.
?
People
nowadays
live
longer
lives
than
those
in
the
past
for
better
diet,hygiene,
and
health
care.
?
Now
people
have
much
longer
lives
than
we
had
three
hundred
years
ago.
?
The
reason
why
people
live
longer
than
before
are
better
diet,
better
hygiene.
?
Practice2:
注意：带下划线的词是和原文中的词进行同义替换的
?
People
in
ancient
times
had
a
shorter
lifespan
for
the
following
reasons.（放在前后文里面是可以省略原因的）
?
Our
ancestors
lived
much
shorter
lives
due
to
poor
hygiene
and
health
care.
?
Three
hundred
years
ago,
people’s
lifespans
were
much
shorter
than
today.
The
reasons
go
as
follows.（
?
Due
to
poor
diet,
inferior
hygiene
and
health
care,
people
in
the
old
days
lived
a
shorter
life
than
we
do
today.
?
In
the
old
days,
people
had
poor
diet,
health
care,
and
hygiene,
so
they
had
a
shorter
life
expectancy.（）
Paragraph2:
find
out
the
main
idea
or
key
point.
Dangerous
to
have
children;
more
children
then
Practice
1-1:
?
Delivering
babies
can
be
dangerous,
but
women
had
more
children
anyway,
which
also
affected
their
longevity.
?
Women
in
the
old
days
tend
to
have
more
children.
?
Women
had
more
children
at
that
time
despite
the
danger.
Practice1-2:
?
Besides,
people
in
the
past
have
more
children
and
some
women
died
of
having
children.
?
In
those
days,
it
was
extremely
dangerous
for
women
to
have
children.
?
First,
although
having
children
was
more
dangerous,
women
had
more
children
than
today.
?
To
begin
with,
women
had
a
higher
risk
of
dying
from
giving
birth
to
more
than
one
child.
Practice2
?
Firstly,
giving
birth
presented
a
threat
to
women’s
lives.
Plus,
the
fact
that
women
in
old
days
had
more
children
which
increased
the
risk
of
death.
?
The
mortality/death
rate
of
childbirth
was
very
high
in
the
old
days.
Women
had
more
children,
so
w
ere
at
risk
often.（9分）
?
Childbirth
used
to
be
very
dangerous.
So
women
were
at
risk
often
for
they
had
more
children
back
then.(不是因果，是递进)
Paragraph3
find
out
the
main
idea
or
key
point:1.
knew
less
about
hygiene.
2.
Poor
people
could
not
afford
toilets
and
clean
water.
Practice1:
?
Besides,
people
seldom
took
a
bath
and
knew
little
about
hygiene.(seldom
took
bath
?
Also,
people
would
use
perfume
to
instead
of
bath.
While
many
poor
family
could
not
afford
toilets
and
clean
water.
Practice2:
?
Besides,
ancient
people
didn’t
have
proper
knowledge
of
hygiene.
Poor
people
couldn’t
afford
toilets
or
didn’t
have
access
to
clean
water.
?
Besides,
the
absence
of
hygienic
knowledge
led
to
misguided
hygienic
behavior.
No
availability
of
toilets
and
clean
water.
?
Poor
sanitation
also
decreased
their
lifespan.
?
Additionally,
a
general
misconception
led
to
unhygienic
behaviors,
and
toiletries
and
clean
water
was
unaffordable
for
poor
people.
?
Without
our
knowledge
of
hygiene,
people
did
not
bathe
often.
Many
did
not
have
access
to
clean
water
or
toilets.
Paragraph4
find
out
the
main
idea
or
key
point:
1.Toothache
is
very
common
2.
There
is
no
dentists.
Toothpaste
wasn't
available
in
those
days,
either.
Only
rich
people
used
toothbrushes,
so
toothache
was
very
common.
Practice1
?
Moreover,
there
was
no
toothpaste
at
all,
so
it
was
common
to
have
a
toothache.
Also,
people
were
not
aware
of
the
importance
of
tooth
care.
?
Barbers
helped
treat
toothache,
which
was
common
because
only
rich
people
could
use
toothaches.
Practice2
?
Another
reason
is
that
many
people
suffered
from
toothache
due
to
the
lack
of
toothpaste
and
dentists.
?
Moreover
toothache
was
a
frequent
occurrence
（a
norm）and
no
dentists
were
available.
?
People
often
had
toothaches
due
to
lack
of
toothpaste
or
toothbrushes,
and
also
no
dentists
to
help.
?
Toothache
was
a
common
ailment(illness),
and
no
dentists
at
that
time.
Paragraph5
find
out
the
main
idea
or
key
point:
1.
Doctors
treated
almost
all
the
diseases
in
the
same
way.(no
specialist);
2.
Cross
infection
happened
in
hospitals.
Practice1
?
What’s
worse,
doctors
used
very
strange
ways
to
cure
a
diseases
and
hospitals
were
dangerous.
?
The
medical
treatments
and
conditions
were
a
big
cause
of
death.(
?
People
died
thanks
to
the
risks
posed
by
infectious
disease.
?
Medical
treatment
are
underdeveloped/
not
professional.
Practice2-1:
?
Additionally,
doctors
gave
inadequate
medical
treatments
and
hospitals
were
a
place
where
patients
were
exposed
to
the
states
of
getting
infected.
?
What’s
worse,
doctor
treated
different
diseases
simply
in
the
same
way
and
cross
infection
was
common
in
hospital.
?
Ineffective
treatments
and
cross-infections
in
hospitals
were
other
causes.
Practice2-2:
?
Medical
practices
were
undeveloped
,
leading
to
ineffective
treatments
and
cross-infections
among
the
patients.
?
Furthermore,
doctors
overused
bloodletting
unnecessarily,
and
hospitals
acquired
infections
were
seriously
an
issue.
?
Doctors
knew
little
about
disease.
The
most
common
treatment
was
removing
blood
and
hospital
patients
often
infected
each
other.
?
Doctors
has
no
scientific
method
in
treating
illness
and
hospitals
became
sources
of
some
diseases.
Version1:
?
People
in
ancient
times
had
a
shorter
lifespan
for
the
following
reasons.Firstly,
giving
birth
presented
a
threat
to
women’s
lives.
Plus
the
fact
that
women
in
old
days
had
more
children.Besides,
ancient
people
didn’t
have
proper
knowledge
of
hygiene.
Poor
people
couldn’t
afford
toilets
or
didn’t
have
access
to
clean
water.
Another
reason
that
many
people
suffered
from
toothache
due
to
the
lack
of
toothpaste
and
dentists.Additionally,
doctors
gave
inadequate
medical
treatments
and
hospitals
were
a
place
where
patients
were
exposed
to
the
states
of
getting
infected.
（100个字，太长了）
Version2:
(rewrite
the
first
version
by
simplifying
some
sentences)
People
in
ancient
times
had
a
shorter
lifespan
for
the
following
reasons.
Firstly,
childbirth
had
high
mortality
rate,
plus
the
fact
that
women
had
more
children
then.
Besides,
ancient
people
didn’t
have
a
proper
knowledge
of
hygiene.
Poor
people
couldn’t
afford
toilets
or
clean
water.
Another
reason
that
many
people
suffered
toothache
due
to
the
lack
of
toothpaste
and
dentists.
Additionally,
doctors
gave
inadequate
medical
treatments
and
many
patients
were
cross-infected
in
hospitals.
21世纪教育网
www.21cnjy.com
精品试卷·第
2
页
（共
2
页）
HYPERLINK
"http://21世纪教育网(www.21cnjy.com)
"
21世纪教育网(www.21cnjy.com)中小学教育资源及组卷应用平台
溯恩概要写作公开课
1．概要写作注意事项：
1.
通读（5-6分钟）—定主题和文章结构
2.
在还不是很紧张的情况下列备用词（1-2分钟）
3.
每段细读：找每段的主题句和关键信息（注意高频词和信号词）5-10分钟
4.
用自己语言描述：共10-15分钟
5.
合并通读：字数、连接、语法、拼写
3分钟
二．概要写作（浙江省省级重点中学平时练习）
Three
hundred
years
ago,
people
had
much
shorter
lives
than
we
have
nowadays.
In
the
old
days,
if
people
survived
to
be
an
adult,
they
often
lived
to
60
or
70.
At
present,
the
average
life
people
can
live
is
66
years.
In
some
countries,
such
as
Japan
and
France,
it
is
more
than
80
years.
The
main
reason
for
this
is
better
diet,
better
hygiene
(卫生)
and
better
health
care.
It
was
much
more
dangerous
to
have
children
in
those
days.
Nine
percent
of
women
died
when
having
children.
Even
worse,
women
had
more
children
than
women
do
today.
For
example,
in
1800,
the
average
American
family
had
7
children.
However,
the
average
American
family
has
less
than
2
children
now.?
People
in
those
days
knew
much
less
about
hygiene
than
we
do.
Many
people
thought
it
was
dangerous
to
take
a
bath.
They
often
bathed
only
once
or
twice
a
year.
Instead
they
used
perfume
to
cover
their
body
odor
(气味).
Poor
people
didn't
have
enough
money
to
buy
toilets
or
clean
water.
Toothpaste
wasn't
available
in
those
days,
either.
Only
rich
people
used
toothbrushes,
so
toothache
was
very
common.
There
was
no
dentist
until
the
middle
of
the
19th
century.
If
people
had
a
toothache,
they
had
to
go
to
the
barber.
A
barber
at
that
time
not
only
cut
hair
but
also
took
out
teeth
and
did
other
small
operations.
The
way
doctors
treated
illnesses
in
the
past
is
rather
strange
to
us.
In
the
l8th
century.
Doctors
treated
almost
any
disease
in
the
same
way.
They
removed
blood
from
the
patients
and
often
used
leeches
(水蛭，蚂蟥)
to
help
them.
Hospitals
were
also
dangerous
places.
By
the
end
of
the
19th
century,
more
than
half
of
the
patients
had
died
from
the
diseases
which
came
from
other
patients.
主题：People
300
years
ago
had
shorter
lives
and
the
related
reasons.
结构：总-分
文章内容草图
写下替换词：
主题：life:
lifespan,
life
expectancy（预期寿命）,
lifetime
原因：due
to
,
because
of,
on
account
of,
owing
to,
as,
since,
attribute
to
顺序：firstly/secondly/then/next/besides/another
reason/additionally...
Paragraph1:
1.
find
out
the
main
idea
or
key
point(people’s
lifespan
was
very
short
300
years
ago;
reasons:
diet,
hygiene
and
health
care)
第一段practice1:
?
People
today
can
live
a
longer
life.
It
was
dangerous
to
have
children.(10分打
1-2分同情分，两点都没有cover到，要有全局观念）
?
People
nowadays
live
longer
lives
than
those
in
the
past
for
better
diet,hygiene,
and
health
care.（4分左右，第二个要点有cover
到）
?
Now
people
have
much
longer
lives
than
we
had
three
hundred
years
ago.
?
The
reason
why
people
live
longer
than
before
are
better
diet,
better
hygiene.（光从这一段来讲，本句很完美，可以打10分，但是从全文的角度来看，脱离主题。全文讲的是古人寿命短及其原因。）
Practice2:（
practice2
是加拿大以及国内的一些老师写的，同学们来给老师来打一下分，你给老师打分都不给满分是不是有些快感）
注意：带下划线的词是和原文中的词进行同义替换的
?
People
in
ancient
times
had
a
shorter
lifespan
for
the
following
reasons.（放在前后文里面是可以省略原因的）
?
Our
ancestors
lived
much
shorter
lives
due
to
poor
hygiene
and
health
care.（9分，看来同学们平时不能怪老师了，你们给老师打分也是严格要求的）
?
Three
hundred
years
ago,
people’s
lifespans
were
much
shorter
than
today.
The
reasons
go
as
follows.（同第一句，语言更高级）
?
Due
to
poor
diet,
inferior
hygiene
and
health
care,
people
in
the
old
days
lived
a
shorter
life
than
we
do
today.（语言更高级）
?
In
the
old
days,
people
had
poor
diet,
health
care,
and
hygiene,
so
they
had
a
shorter
life
expectancy.（）
Paragraph2:
find
out
the
main
idea
or
key
point.
Dangerous
to
have
children;
more
children
then
Practice
1-1:
?
Delivering
babies
can
be
dangerous,
but
women
had
more
children
anyway,
which
also
affected
their
longevity.
(7分以上。句子很好，点都有cover到，问题有两个，前后时态不一致。另外有逻辑问题，不能用but,用but感觉是在表扬妇女很勇敢，你即使要死你还生很多。这里应该是个递进）
?
Women
in
the
old
days
tend
to
have
more
children.（少了一个要点）
?
Women
had
more
children
at
that
time
despite
the
danger.（没有说第一层，第一层就是说生孩子很危险，第二层是要生很多的孩子，所以更危险）
Practice1-2:
?
Besides,
people
in
the
past
have
more
children
and
some
women
died
of
having
children.（第一点没讲到）
?
In
those
days,
it
was
extremely
dangerous
for
women
to
have
children.（1.没有第二点。
2.
extremely
多余）
?
First,
although
having
children
was
more
dangerous,
women
had
more
children
than
today.(although
用词不对）
?
To
begin
with,
women
had
a
higher
risk
of
dying
from
giving
birth
to
more
than
one
child.（把两点并起来了，不够明确）
Practice2
?
Firstly,
giving
birth
presented
a
threat
to
women’s
lives.
Plus,
the
fact
that
women
in
old
days
had
more
children
which
increased
the
risk
of
death.（8分。逻辑没有问题，写作素养很高，就是字数稍微有点多）
?
The
morality
rate
of
childbirth
was
very
high
in
the
old
days.
Women
had
more
children,
so
w
ere
at
risk
often.（9分）
?
Childbirth
used
to
be
very
dangerous.
So
women
were
at
risk
often
for
they
had
more
children
back
then.
Paragraph3
find
out
the
main
idea
or
key
point:1.
knew
less
about
hygiene.
2.
Poor
people
could
not
afford
toilets
and
clean
water.
Practice1:
?
Besides,
people
seldom
took
a
bath
and
knew
little
about
hygiene.(seldom
took
bath
是个次要点，另外，穷人买不起toilets
and
clean
water
没有写进去）
?
Also,
people
would
use
perfume
to
instead
of
bath.
While
many
poor
family
could
not
afford
toilets
and
clean
water.（第一个要点没有概括到）
Practice2:
?
Besides,
ancient
people
didn’t
have
proper
knowledge
of
hygiene.
Poor
people
couldn’t
afford
toilets
or
didn’t
have
access
to
clean
water.
（点都get
到，太长了）
?
Besides,
the
absence
of
hygienic
knowledge
led
to
misguided
hygienic
behavior.
No
availability
of
toilets
and
clean
water.
(有小小的问题，没有提到poor
people)
?
Poor
sanitation
also
decreased
their
lifespan.
(太高度概括了）
?
Additionally,
a
general
misconception
led
to
unhygienic
behaviors,
and
toiletries
and
clean
water
was
unaffordable
for
poor
people.
?
Without
our
knowledge
of
hygiene,
people
did
not
bathe
often.
Many
did
not
have
access
to
clean
water
or
toilets.
Paragraph4
find
out
the
main
idea
or
key
point:
1.Toothache
is
very
common
2.
There
is
no
dentists.
Toothpaste
wasn't
available
in
those
days,
either.
Only
rich
people
used
toothbrushes,
so
toothache
was
very
common.
注意：
此句中so
是个信号词，我们要重点关注它后面的内容
Practice1
?
Moreover,
there
was
no
toothpaste
at
all,
so
it
was
common
to
have
a
toothache.
Also,
people
were
not
aware
of
the
importance
of
tooth
care.（第二句话是自己臆想的，文章中并没有明确提到）
?
Barbers
helped
treat
toothache,
which
was
common
because
only
rich
people
could
use
toothaches.（Barber,
toothbrush
有问题）
Practice2
?
Another
reason
that
many
people
suffered
from
toothache
due
to
the
lack
of
toothpaste
and
dentists.
?
Moreover
toothache
was
a
frequent
occurrence
（a
norm）and
no
dentists
were
available.
?
People
often
had
toothaches
due
to
lack
of
toothpaste
or
toothbrushes,
and
also
no
dentists
to
help.
?
Toothache
was
a
common
ailment(illness),
and
no
dentists
at
that
time.
Paragraph5
find
out
the
main
idea
or
key
point:
1.
Doctors
treated
almost
all
the
diseases
in
the
same
way.(no
specialist);
2.
cross-infection
happened
in
hospitals.
Practice1
?
What’s
worse,
doctors
used
very
strange
ways
to
cure
a
diseases
and
hospitals
were
dangerous.(作者并不是想强调那个要点很奇怪，当时的人们是不觉得奇怪的，只是我们现在人觉得很奇怪；
hospital
dangerous
是多的，但是他没有解释是为什么dangerous)
?
The
medical
treatments
and
conditions
were
a
big
cause
of
death.(高度概括的，作为只看概要的人就get
不到它原来的那几个要点了）
?
People
died
thanks
to
the
risks
posed
by
infectious
disease.
?
Medical
treatment
are
underdeveloped/
not
professional.
Practice2-1:
?
Additionally,
doctors
gave
inadequate
medical
treatments
and
hospitals
were
a
place
where
patients
were
exposed
to
the
states
of
getting
infected.
?
What’s
worse,
doctor
treated
different
diseases
simply
in
the
same
way
and
cross
infection
was
common
in
hospital.
?
Ineffective
treatments
and
cross-infections
in
hospitals
were
other
causes.
Practice2-2:
?
Medical
practices
were
undeveloped
,
leading
to
ineffective
treatments
and
cross-infections
among
the
patients.
?
Furthermore,
doctors
overused
bloodletting
unnecessarily,
and
hospitals
acquired
infections
were
seriously
an
issue.
?
Doctors
knew
little
about
disease.
The
most
common
treatment
was
removing
blood
and
hospital
patients
often
infected
each
other.
Version1:
?
People
in
ancient
times
had
a
shorter
lifespan
for
the
following
reasons.Firstly,
giving
birth
presented
a
threat
to
women’s
lives.
Plus
the
fact
that
women
in
old
days
had
more
children
increased
the
risk
of
death.Besides,
ancient
people
didn’t
have
proper
knowledge
of
hygiene.
Poor
people
couldn’t
afford
toilets
or
didn’t
have
access
to
clean
water.
Another
reason
that
many
people
suffered
from
toothache
due
to
the
lack
of
toothpaste
and
dentists.Additionally,
doctors
gave
inadequate
medical
treatments
and
hospitals
were
a
place
where
patients
were
exposed
to
the
states
of
getting
infected.
（100个字，太长了）
Version2:
(rewrite
the
first
version
by
simplifying
some
sentences)
People
in
ancient
times
had
a
shorter
lifespan
for
the
following
reasons.
Firstly,
childbirth
had
high
mortality
rate,
plus
the
fact
that
women
had
more
children
then.
Besides,
ancient
people
didn’t
have
a
proper
knowledge
of
hygiene.
Poor
people
couldn’t
afford
toilets
or
clean
water.
Another
reason
that
many
people
suffered
toothache
due
to
the
lack
of
toothpaste
and
dentists.
Additionally,
doctors
gave
inadequate
medical
treatments
and
many
patients
were
cross-infected
in
hospitals.
21世纪教育网
www.21cnjy.com
精品试卷·第
2
页
（共
2
页）
HYPERLINK
"http://21世纪教育网(www.21cnjy.com)
"
21世纪教育网(www.21cnjy.com)
