安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语 考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（24份）

安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（三十二）
林宏的笔友莉莉今年夏天将来沪旅游。林宏去信表示欢迎，并准备去机场迎接。还告诉她上海有不少值得游玩的地方，他将陪同参观旅游。(用书信体写)
学生习作·外教批改
Dear lily：1Lily,2
I’m very glad that you’ll_have_a_trip you are coming3 to Shanghai this summer.I can’t wait to see meet4 you at the airport and show you around Shanghai.
As we all know，Shanghai is the biggest city in China.Especially In these recent years， 5 many great changes have taken place in Shanghai.She is a sea of which absorbs6 different cultures and customs and develops her own spirits，yet has developed her own very unique identity.
Jinmao Tower is one of Shanghai’s most well known symbols.You can’t7 really shouldn’t miss a chance to visit it.We can have8 There is a good view of Shanghai from the 88th floor in_the Tower9.On January 1st，the Shanghai’s New Year concert by_which_Shanghai welcomes the new year10 was held in a new11 great new structure，the Shanghai Arts Center.12 It’s located in Pudong and looks13 just like a beautiful butterfly.In the evening，the colourful lights on its roof will shine14 with the music playing15 as the music plays.I think you’ll like it.And in16 during your 7 day seven day17 journey visit，I hope you’ll have a special day at last We’ll when we visit the Yu Garden，where the Shanghai’s traditional customs and culture can be seen.The food there is very really18 dilicoius delicious.
Hope you’ll come soon.19 I can’t wait to take you around and have a good time in Shanghai.
Yours sinecerly20sincerely
Lin Hong
,旁　批
1．标点符号使用不当。应该用逗号。现在，一般商业信件中，除了信的主体之外都省去标
点。
2．人名的首字母一定要大写。
3．谈论将来的安排时应该用现在进行时态，不要用will。
4．用这个词更准确。
5．你在谈论最近几年发生的变化，所以应该用in recent years。原句Especially in these years
表达很别扭。
6．absorb是个很好的词。遗憾的是，它用在这句话里不合适。absorb的意思是“吸收(液体、
气体等)”，而海洋(the sea)不会吸收任何东西，它是液体，液体是被别的东西所吸收的，
如：The sponge cloth quickly absorbed the spilled juice.(海绵布很快就将溢出的果汁吸干
了。)
7．给出建议时用can’t不合适，应该用shouldn’t。
8．这个表达很别扭。参见改写后的句子。
9．不用再提读者已经明白的事。
10．原句太累赘。参见改写后的句子。
11．几个形容词修饰名词时，要遵循严格的顺序，不能随意改变位置。
12．专有名词的第一个字母要大写。
13．单词遗漏。look可以用来描述我们对所看到东西的印象。它的用法是：look＋形容词；
look like＋名词；look as if/as though＋从句。
14．用一般现在时描述经常发生的事。
15．这个比喻不清楚。是指灯光随着音乐的节奏舞动吗？
16．这里应该用during。
17．10以下的数字要将单词拼写出来。
18．要强调delicious这个形容词，可以用absolutely，really或truly来修饰它。
19．你知道你的朋友会来，所以这句话是多余的。
20．拼写错误。另外，sincerely不适合用在给朋友的信中，常用于正式的商业信件。
这是一篇尚好的作文。开头和结尾部分犯了一些书信写作方面的初级错误，
正文中也有一些高中水平不该犯的语法和标点符号错误，如，人名的首字母不应
该小写。尽管如此，作者毕竟回答了题目要求，内容也比较充实，使读者感到很
有趣。
高分作文秘诀之七：使用较高级词汇。例如：
Instead of (不要说：)My English is getting better and better.
Use (要说：)My English is improving.
Instead of (不要说：)We are seeing more and more cars on the roads.
Use (要说：)We are seeing an increasing number of cars on the roads.
Instead of (不要说：)The bathroom and the kitchen are good.
Use (要说：)The bathroom and the kitchen are well furnished.
Instead of (不要说：)In a word，the movie is very boring.
Use (要说：)In conclusion，the movie is rather boring.
假设你是李华，你的美国朋友Sarah打算暑期来北京旅游，来信询问改建后前门大街的
情况。请你写一封100词左右的回信，简单介绍以下内容：
简况：长800余米、600多年历史、300余家商铺；
位置：天安门广场南面；
交通：公共汽车17、69、59等路，地铁2号线；
特色：步行街、当当车、茶馆、剧院等。
参考词汇：步行街—pedestrian street；当当车—trolley car；地铁—subway
Dear Sarah，
Thank you for you letter asking about the rebuilt Qianmen Street.Here is something about it.
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
Yours，
Li Hua
【参考范文】
Dear_Sarah，
Thank_you_for_you_letter_asking_about_the_rebuilt_Qianmen_Street.Here_is_something_a
bout_it.As a famous street with a history of over 600 years，it is located just south of Tian’anmen
Square.Along the 800 metre street，there are over 300 shops of different sizes，among which are
also some theatres and teahouses，where you can taste traditional Chinese culture and experience a
truly Chinese way of life.With Buses No.17,69 or 59，it is very convenient to get to the street.You
can also get there by Subway Line 2.Though it is a pedestrian street，there are trolley cars to take
you there.I’m sure you’ll enjoy it when you come here this summer vacation.
Yours，
Li_Hua安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（四十一）
现在很多老师也常告诉考生要尽量使用一些常用短句，这样是为了得安全分，而新考试大纲要求书面表达“尽量使用较复杂结构和较高级词汇”，书面表达要想得高分，一定要有使用准确的较高级句子作为文章的出彩点。就高中生的思维能力，构思一篇120余词的短文不难，难的是如何准确地表达。“书面表达”的阅卷一般是内容和语言分开评分的。内容是由语言来表达的，而语言又制约着内容的发挥。考生往往用汉语思维布局谋篇，然后用英语写作，从而造成了表达的语言别扭、不伦不类，难得高分。与此同时，用词恰当、语言准确是书面表达的基本要求，但如果考生的基础知识不扎实，对所用词汇、短语、句型的掌握不够熟练，再加上平时没有进行充分的现实写作训练，考场上就很容易出现词法、句法以及拼写错误。在这一方面考生常犯的错误有：
(1)用词单一，文章显得苍白无力。
(2)考生基础知识差或者应试心理不好，在考场上容易忽略上述技巧的运用，从而造成语言表达上的失误或者使文章缺乏亮点而难得高分。
(3)语句平庸，句式单调重复。
【例】 假设你是新华中学的学生李华，你和在上海上学的英国朋友Tom约好下周末去北京旅游，但你因故不能赴约。请根据以下要点用英语给他写一封电子邮件：
1．表示歉意；
2．解释原因；
3．另约时间。
注意：1.词数120～150；
2．可适当增加细节。(2010·山东卷)
【参考范文】
Dear Tom，
I’m sorry, for I won’t be able to pay a visit to Beijing next weekend with you.
Because there are many friends of mine facing a coming English exam, which is without
doubt important for them. They are looking forward to my giving a hand to them and
they hope to get through the exam successfully. As a result, I will be busy helping them
at that time.
In addition, I will attend a party which aims to raise money for the people of Yushu,
who suffered greatly from the big earthquake.
In a nutshell, I’m afraid I’ll have no time to accompany you. So I want to put off our
time of the visit until the first weekend of next month. Is it OK
Looking forward to your early reply.
Yours，
Li Hua
[先来看一位考生的习作：
Dear Tom，
I am Li Hua in Xin Hua middle school. I wrote this letter to tell you that I can’t go to
Beijing with you. The reason is the following.
My grandparents have lived in the countryside for many years. I miss them very much.
They will come to live with my family next week. I am very happy and decide to enjoy
myself together with them. Do you think I am right or wrong
But next month will be my summer holiday. I will be free then. Would you like to go to
Beijing together with me then
I am looking forward to your early reply.
Yours，
Li Hua
本文并没有错误，但是特别闪光的句子也没有，只是平铺直叙了一篇文章，虽然知识
点并没有遗漏，但是很难得到高的分数。]
【解决方案与复习指南】
考生首先要通篇把握一下文章的思路，理清思路。提高语言表达准确性的关键在于采
用合理的写作步骤，用英语构思，用英语表达，使内容和语言统筹兼顾。在写作时想
出的一些句子能按提示要求表情达意，但用英语表达又无把握，就不要勉强使用，可
以换用自己熟悉的、能熟练运用的同义英语句型进行表达，并避开意义把握不准或拼
写不准的词汇。
此外，在备考中，考生应该在老师的引导下认真复习作文，平日要注意归纳英语写作
的规律，用正确的句型、固定的短语和句式进行写作，并积累一定数量的语言素材，
在考试的时候灵活运用就可能得到高分。
我们可以采取以下应对措施以避免失误：
“闪亮”组词，“阳光”组句：用词尽量贴切；用词尽量多样；尽量选用高级词汇表
达。
(1)运用别样的句式表达，比如在使用比较熟悉的“there be”句型时就不如使用“It seems
that there are two reasons for this difference.”的表达效果好。
(2)适当运用省略句：对于各种例子的对比，我们可以适当使用省略句来表述。这样会
给人一种简单利落的感觉。
(3)句式多样、语法结构丰富。
“应用了较多的语法结构”应体现为：句式的多样化，灵活使用各种介词短语、非谓
语动词结构等方面。如：
假设你将参加某英语杂志社开展的一次征文活动，征文的内容要求你在电视、手机(cell)
和网络三者中，放弃其中一个并陈述理由。请你以“Which would you give up: TV, cell,
or Web？”为题，写一篇英语短文。
注意：1.字数100左右；
2．可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。(2010·安徽卷)
【参考范文】
We are now living in an information age, in which TV, cells and the Web are widely
used. It seems that many people cannot enjoy themselves without them.
However, if I had to give up one of them, I would turn off the TV rather than switch off my cell or cut off the Internet. I could do without TV because few shows take my fancy and there’re too many commercials. Besides, most programs on TV are also available elsewhere.
As for cells and the Web, they are more necessary to me. I need a cell to keep in touchwith my friends and family, and almost all information can be gethered on the Internet.
[1.本文是一篇议论文，时态以一般现在时为主，用第一人称。
2．第一段说明对TV、 cell和Web的看法。
3．第二段阐述自己的观点，放弃哪一个。
4．第三段说出自己放弃的理由。
总之，书写问题非一日之功，一定要在平时就多加注意，一定要注意字迹的大小问题，
尽量做到不要太小，另外最好不要出现涂改现象(特别是实行网上阅卷的地方)，每次写
作时应该先列提纲，想好了再写。]安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（三十四）
去年寒假我同父亲去乡下看望奶奶，我多年未回家乡，看到那儿发生了很大的变化。这次故乡之行使我学到了不少东西。我打算今后每两年回去一次。
学生习作·外教批改
During my last winter holiday，I went to the1countryside with my father to visit my grandma with my father.2
I found a_large_change great changes there.The first time I came back3 returned，they are live4 were all living in dirty homes with dogs and ducks and any5 other animals.Now，6 But last winter when I returned, they had a big house to birth chickens.7 They also have8 had some poles in which it has9 some fish fishponds.Every year，they sell it_and_have the fish for a lot of money.
A lot of villagers in my grandma’s village have10 had two storeyed houses，evidencing that their life11 lives becoming better and better12 had improved.I felt very happy.
During my trip，I found they are13 all the villagers friendly and hard working.I think these characteristics are worth of learning.
At the end of my trip，I told my father that I had planned14 that I would come back planned to return every two years.He admitted15 agreed that it was a good idea.
,旁　批
1．country或countryside前要加定冠词the。
2．注意词序。要保证你的句子不会产生歧义。原句的意思是你拜访与你父亲住在一起的祖母。
3．如果用come，就表示作者写此文时仍在家乡。
4．原句中的they are live是一个常见的错误，不符合英语的语法。这里应该用过去进行时态。
5．你不是在说明数量，所以不必用any。
6．不是现在(now)，是去年冬天(last winter)。
7．这句的意思很不清楚，所以无法进行修改。“他们有一幢大的房子养鸡”还是“他们造了一间很大的鸡舍让鸡住”？
8．注意保持时态一致！
9．这不是英语，是按中文字面翻译的。参见改写后的句子。
10．虽然这个情况可能现在仍是真实的，但故事发生在去年冬天，所以要用过去时态。
11．你谈到的是村民们，而不只是一个人，所以life需要用复数形式。
12．使用更直接的语言。improve比better and better更好。高中水平还使用better and better这个词组不合适。
13．改写后使宾语更清楚。动词find的结构是：find someone＋形容词。
14．如果用过去完成时态(had planned)就意味着作者不再打算这样做了。这里的打算发生在告诉父亲的同时，所以只要用一般过去时态即可。
15．在这里用admit不正确。它的意思是不情愿地同意某事是真实的。参见改写后的句子。
　虽然文章组织得当，题目要求也都在内容中体现出来，但词汇量不足以及时态的混淆降低了作文的等级。
为避免这些错误，写你知道的东西。如果你不知道表达某种观点的词汇，就不要提到它。想想其他可写的东西。例如在这篇作文中，作者不应该提到池塘和鸡舍，因为他/她不清楚这些词的英文表达。他应该挑自己熟悉的东西写，或者写一些更平常的东西。
高分作文秘诀之九：使用恰当的过渡语。例如：
表示转折关系的过渡语：however，nevertheless，on the other hand，on the contrary，conversely
表示递进关系的过渡语：in addition，besides，moreover，furthermore，what’s more，what’s worse，to make matters worse，the most important of all，worst of all，especially，in particular，on top of that
表示结果关系的过渡语：therefore，thus，consequently，as a result，that’s why...
表示顺序关系的过渡语：firstly，secondly，thirdly，lastly/finally/eventually，last but not least，to begin with，after that，meanwhile
表示总结的过渡语：in conclusion，in brief，in short，in a word，on the whole，to sum up
表示个人观点的过渡语：in my opinion，as far as I’m concerned，personally，as for me，to be frank
表示他人观点的过渡语：It is widely accepted that...；A commonly held idea is that...；It is taken for granted that...
最近，你和父母回到家乡。你看到了家乡新建的一所学校，发现它与影集中父亲的母校的照片有很大的差别。请你根据下面的一组图画，描述这两所学校的不同情况，并谈谈你的感想。
注意：
1．词数120左右；
2．可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。
【参考范文】
The two pictures show how greatly my father’s hometown has changed in the past twenty years.
In the past，my father’s school was a big yard with a row of old houses.There was a flag pole standing alone in the yard.Several trees were planted around the houses.There was little sports equipment in it.The new school in my father’s hometown consists of a tall building and a large playground.All kinds of sports facilities can be seen on the playground.With trees and flowers in the school yard，it looks like a big garden.
It is clear that the living conditions in our country have changed greatly and so has children’s learning environment.安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（二十五）
现在很多老师也常告诉考生要尽量使用一些常用短句，这样是为了得安全分，而新考试大纲要求书面表达“尽量使用较复杂结构和较高级词汇”，书面表达要想得高分，一定要有使用准确的较高级句子作为文章的出彩点。就高中生的思维能力，构思一篇120余词的短文不难，难的是如何准确地表达。“书面表达”的阅卷一般是内容和语言分开评分的。内容是由语言来表达的，而语言又制约着内容的发挥。考生往往用汉语思维布局谋篇，然后用英语写作，从而造成了表达的语言别扭、不伦不类，难得高分。与此同时，用词恰当、语言准确是书面表达的基本要求，但如果考生的基础知识不扎实，对所用词汇、短语、句型的掌握不够熟练，再加上平时没有进行充分的现实写作训练，考场上就很容易出现词法、句法以及拼写错误。在这一方面考生常犯的错误有：
(1)用词单一，文章显得苍白无力。
(2)考生基础知识差或者应试心理不好，在考场上容易忽略上述技巧的运用，从而造成语言表达上的失误或者使文章缺乏亮点而难得高分。
(3)语句平庸，句式单调重复。
【例】 假设你是新华中学的学生李华，你和在上海上学的英国朋友Tom约好下周末去北京旅游，但你因故不能赴约。请根据以下要点用英语给他写一封电子邮件：
1．表示歉意；
2．解释原因；
3．另约时间。
注意：1.词数120～150；
2．可适当增加细节。(2010·山东卷)
【参考范文】
Dear Tom，
I’m sorry, for I won’ t be able to pay a visit to Beijing next weekend with you.
Because there are many friends of mine facing a coming English exam, which is without doubt important for them. They are looking forward to my giving a hand to them and they hope to get through the exam successfully. As a result, I will be busy helping them at that time.
In addition, I will attend a party which aims to raise money for the people of Yushu, who suffered greatly from the big earthquake.
In a nutshell, I’m afraid I’ll have no time to accompany you. So I want to put off our time of the visit until the first weekend of next month. Is it OK
Looking forward to your early reply.
Yours，
Li Hua
[先来看一位考生的习作：
Dear Tom，
I am Li Hua in Xin Hua middle school. I wrote this letter to tell you that I can’t go to Beijing with you. The reason is the following.
My grandparents have lived in the countryside for many years. I miss them very much. They will come to live with my family next week. I am very happy and decide to enjoy myself together with them. Do you think I am right or wrong
But next month will be my summer holiday. I will be free then. Would you like to go to Beijing together with me then
I am looking forward to your early reply.
Yours，
Li Hua
本文并没有错误，但是特别闪光的句子也没有，只是平铺直叙了一篇文章，虽然知识点并没有遗漏，但是很难得到高的分数。]
【解决方案与复习指南】
考生首先要通篇把握一下文章的思路，理清思路。提高语言表达准确性的关键在于采用合理的写作步骤，用英语构思，用英语表达，使内容和语言统筹兼顾。在写作时想出的一些句子能按提示要求表情达意，但用英语表达又无把握，就不要勉强使用，可以换用自己熟悉的、能熟练运用的同义英语句型进行表达，并避开意义把握不准或拼写不准的词汇。
此外，在备考中，考生应该在老师的引导下认真复习作文，平日要注意归纳英语写作的规律，用正确的句型、固定的短语和句式进行写作，并积累一定数量的语言素材，在考试的时候灵活运用就可能得到高分。
我们可以采取以下应对措施以避免失误：
“闪亮”组词，“阳光”组句：用词尽量贴切；用词尽量多样；尽量选用高级词汇表达。
(1)运用别样的句式表达，比如在使用比较熟悉的“there be”句型时就不如使用“It seems that there are two reasons for this difference.”的表达效果好。
(2)适当运用省略句：对于各种例子的对比，我们可以适当使用省略句来表述。这样会给人一种简单利落的感觉。
(3)句式多样、语法结构丰富。
“应用了较多的语法结构”应体现为：句式的多样化，灵活使用各种介词短语、非谓语动词结构等方面。如：
假设你将参加某英语杂志社开展的一次征文活动，征文的内容要求你在电视、手机(cell)和网络三者中，放弃其中一个并陈述理由。请你以“Which would you give up: TV, cell, or Web？”为题，写一篇英语短文。
注意：1.字数100左右；
2．可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。(2010·安徽卷)
【参考范文】
We are now living in an information age, in which TV, cells and the Web are widely used. It seems that many people cannot enjoy themselves without them.
However, if I had to give up one of them, I would turn off the TV rather than switch off my cell or cut off the Internet. I could do without TV because few shows take my fancy and there’re too many commercials. Besides, most programs on TV are also available elsewhere.
As for cells and the Web, they are more necessary to me. I need a cell to keep in touch with my friends and family, and almost all information can be gethered on the Internet.
[1.本文是一篇议论文，时态以一般现在时为主，用第一人称。
2．第一段说明对TV、 cell和Web的看法。
3．第二段阐述自己的观点，放弃哪一个。
4．第三段说出自己放弃的理由。
总之，书写问题非一日之功，一定要在平时就多加注意，一定要注意字迹的大小问题，尽量做到不要太小，另外最好不要出现涂改现象(特别是实行网上阅卷的地方)，每次写作时应该先列提纲，想好了再写。]安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（二十四）
写作是四项语言技能中不可分割的一个重要部分，更是语言生成能力的重要表现形式。该部分要求考生根据提示进行书面表达。考生应能：
1．根据所读文章进行转述或写摘要
读是辨认和理解书面语言，即辨认文字符号并将文字符号转换为有意义的信息输入的能力；写是运用书面语表达思想、输出信息的能力。考生从所阅读的文章中获取主要信息，并根据文中所提供的文字信息用图表、摘要等形式表达出来，达到读与写的紧密结合。
2．准确使用语法和词汇
语言的准确性是写作中不可忽视的一个重要方面，因为它直接或间接地影响到信息的准确传输。应用语法结构和词汇的准确程度是写作部分评分标准中的一项重要内容，拼写和标点符号运用正确与否也会在一定程度上影响考生的成绩。
3．使用一定的句型和词汇来清楚、连贯地表达自己的意思
任何一篇文章都需要有一个主题，考生应围绕该主题，借助一些句型、词组等的支持，清楚、连贯地表达自己的思想。
4．所写短文主题突出、结构完整、逻辑性强
考生应根据文字及图表提供的信息，写出语意连贯且结构完整的短文，叙述事情或表达观点和态度，文体规范、语句通顺，用词得当。
笔者在多次的高考阅卷中，发现问题最多的就是书面表达，常见的问题总结如下：
问题一：不会审题
问题二：无高级词汇或句型
问题一：不会审题
【问题描述与分析】
要点齐全是高考书面表达评分标准的基本要求之一。但在考场上，由于担心时间不够、紧张以及不良答题习惯等因素的影响，不少考生答题心切，在没有认真阅读题目要求，没有仔细观察所给的图画、图表等重要信息的情况下就急于作答，结果所写的文章要么遗漏题目要求表达的内容，导致要点不全，有的甚至完全偏离了题目所要求的内容；要么没有根据要求组织材料，导致话说了不少，但仍然缺少要点，详略不分，构思紊乱，结构不清。
【例】 假设你是育才中学学生会主席李华。你校将举办一次英语演讲比赛(speech contest), 希望附近某大学的外籍教师Smith女士来做评委。请参照以下比赛通知给她写一封信。
英语演讲比赛主题：人与自然时间：6月15日下午2∶00—5∶00地点：501教室参赛选手：10名学生联系人：李华(电话44876655)欢迎大家光临
注意：词数100左右。
Dear Ms. Smith，
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
With best wishes，
Li Hua
(2010·全国Ⅰ卷)
【参考范文】
Dear_Ms_Smith，
I’m Li Hua. Chair of the Student Union of Yucai Middle School, which is close to your university. I’m writing to invite you to be a judge at our English speech contest to be held in our school on June 15 ’at Room 501. It will start at 2∶00 p．m. and last for about three hours. Ten students will deliver their speeches on the given topic “Man and the Nature”. We hope you will accept our invitation if it is convenient for you. Please call me at 44876655. if you have any questions.
I am looking forward to your reply.
With_best_wishes.
Li_Hua
试题为应用文中的通知，首先要认真审题，根据通知的内容，明确文章的格式、人称、时态。其次需做到要点齐全。包含最重要的信息，如活动目的、时间、地点、参加对象、发布通知的人等。要求开门见山，简明扼要地把出席对象，注意事项和要求写清楚。最后要记住不要包含任何不必要的信息，力求言简意赅。通知中常用的套语有：Attention, please! / Notice is given that.../ Everyone is expected to attend.../ thank you for your attention！等。
内容要点：
1．自我介绍；
2．邀请做评委；
3．演讲比赛通知的具体内容：
①演讲主题；
②比赛时间；
③比赛地点；
④参赛选手；
⑤联系方式。
【解决方案与复习指南】
在审题过程中，除了考虑人称和时态外，更重要的是确定好内容要点，要注意写作要求中的细节内容。假如缺少要点，所得分数就会随之降低。建议考生在审题过程中先在草稿纸上列出需要表达的内容要点，然后仔细对照写作要求，看是否包括了所有的内容要点，最后再考虑下一步的构思。
因此，在构思的过程中，要认真阅读题目要求，明确指出所写材料的目的、对象、时间、地点、内容、长度等。考生可以采取给提示画线的方式，标出要点。如果是图画，则可直接在图画旁边标出简短的词语和短句。这实际上就是已经打了一个简单的草稿。按这个思路写出来的书面表达，一定不会跑题或丢掉要点。同时，在审题时还要注意所写文章的体裁，从而对文章的结构进行合理构思。如：
假设你是李华，于2010年6月3日搭乘国外某航空公司航班(flight number BA793)回国后，发现遗失了一个行李箱(suitcase)。现请用英文给该航空公司写一封信，请他们帮你寻找。
信件要点包括：
·陈述写信原因
·简要描述该行李
·说明其重要性
·期待回复并表示感谢
注意：
1．词数100左右。
2．信件格式已为你给出。
(2010·重庆卷)
Dear Sir，
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
Yours sincerely，
Li Hua
【参考范文】
Dear_Sir，
Today, I’m writing to tell you that I lost a suitcase in flight number BA793 when I was on board on June 3, 2010. Frankly, there are some books that are wanted in reviewing NMET, some cash, a credit card and two bank cards in it. As you know, I’ m a student and I need money to buy something to eat. If I don’t eat something, I have no energy to review lessons. All in the suitcase matters to me, so I would like you to do me a favor to see whether you could find it. Besides, I won’t put my heart to study unless it is found. Thus, I’m looking forward to your reply.
Yours_sincerely，
Li_Hua
[试题为应用文中的书信写作，试题只给出写作框架，并未给出所有的具体写作细节，为半开放性写作。写好此文，需注意三点：一是写信格式要准确，信的开头已经给出，但切记要写好信的结尾。二是要详略得当，本文应重点写的是对箱子的描述。三是注意适当地增加细节，恰当地使用连接过渡词，以使行文连贯。]安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（四十二）
ABC公司准备招聘程序设计员。条件是：外语好、有创造能力和协作精神。请以“李明”为名，写一封自荐信。
学生习作·外教批改
Dear Sir/Madam,1
I am writing to apply for the position of programmer in your ABC company as advertised in yesterday’s newspaper.2
My name is Li Ming.3 I will graduate from university in two months.My major is computer science.I am very good at English，especially spoken and written4 English and writing.In college，I often come up with new ideas or　 imagination.5 and am known for my active imagination，always I am eager to create new things.Anyone who works with me will find me a nice man because I am6 easy going and friendly，able to work independently or as part of a team.7
I am interested in your company simply8 because your company enjoys a high of its good reputation for quality products and good excellent after sales service after sales service. The company offers a good prospect for me if I can work there.9
I am ready to work hard and achieve more success for the company.I would welcome an opportunity to discuss this application at interview. I am looking10 Look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely yours11Yours faithfully，
　　　　　　　　　　　 Li Ming
旁　批
1．如果不知道收信人的名字，要这样写。别忘了看信的人可能是位女士。
2．这样写很好。作者一开始就说明了写信的目的。
3．从信尾署名中很明显会看到名字，不要在信里写。
4．词性要和spoken一样，所以应该用written。
5．用词不当。come up with指“想出(主意)”，后面的宾语不能用imagination。
6．这和工作要求无关。
7．你应该写能让你得到这份工作的个人才能。
8．用simply意味着这是你对该职位感兴趣的唯一原因。如果是这样，你很可能得不到这个工作。
9．这是指公司给你带来什么好处，而要得到这个工作，你要说明你能为公司带来什么好处。
10．在正式信件中最好用look forward to，并且要另起一行。
11．你不知道收信人的名字，所以末尾要用Yours faithfully。
这是一篇较差的作文。
作者在开头就清楚地说明了写信的原因。但是，第二段末的内容与主题无关。作者没有写他/她能为公司做什么或为什么认为自己是最适合这个工作的人。因此，作者不大可能得到面试机会。写求职信的关键不在于篇幅大小，而在于你能否成功地推销自己。
高分作文秘诀之二：使用正确的语态。例如：
Instead of (不要说：)This room is measured 30 feet long and 25 feet wide.
Use (要说：)This room measures 30 feet long and 25 feet wide.
Instead of (不要说：)The apartment is consisted of two rooms and a kitchen.
Use (要说：)The apartment consists of two rooms and a kitchen.
Instead of (不要说：)This city has rapidly been developed into an industrial center.
Use (要说：)This city has rapidly developed into an industrial center.
Instead of (不要说：)A big fire was broken out in the factory last night.
Use (要说：)A big fire broke out in the factory last night.
假设你叫王彬。得知2010年上海世博会招募志愿者的消息，你决定在2010年的暑假当志愿者。
现在你需要写一封英语自荐信。内容包括：
1．你个人的情况介绍；
2．你当志愿者的目的。
注意：
1．词数120左右；
2．信的开头和结尾已经给出，不计入总词数。
参考词汇：世博会—the World Expo
Dear Sir or Madam，
I am a student in Senior Three._____________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
I am looking forward to receiving your early reply.
Yours，
Wang Bin
【参考范文】
Dear Sir or Madam，
I am a student in Senior Three.I read in the newspaper that you are looking for some volunteers to serve the 2010 World Expo to be held in Shanghai.Since I will be free during the summer holidays，I would like to be a volunteer.Now let me introduce myself.
Among all my subjects，I like English and history best.I speak fluent English and I won the first prize in an English Speech Contest in our school last year.As a monitor，I am able to communicate with my classmates and teachers efficiently.I hope to learn more about society and improve my communication skills by being a volunteer.Meanwhile I can help visitors know more about Chinese culture.
If you give me the chance，I will try my best to do my duty.I am looking forward to receiving
_your early reply.
Yours，安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（二十三）
《高考英语考试大纲》对书面表达题型做出明确要求：
写作是四项语言技能中不可分割的一个重要部分，更是语言生成能力的重要表现形式。该部分要求考生根据提示进行书面表达。考生应能：
1．根据所读文章进行转述或写摘要
读是辨认和理解书面语言，即辨认文字符号并将文字符号转换为有意义的信息输入的能力；写是运用书面语表达思想、输出信息的能力。考生从所阅读的文章中获取主要信息，并根据文中所提供的文字信息用图表、摘要等形式表达出来，达到读与写的紧密结合。
2．准确使用语法和词汇
语言的准确性是写作中不可忽视的一个重要方面，因为它直接或间接地影响到信息的准确传输。应用语法结构和词汇的准确程度是写作部分评分标准中的一项重要内容，拼写和标点符号运用正确与否也会在一定程度上影响考生的成绩。
3．使用一定的句型和词汇来清楚、连贯地表达自己的意思
任何一篇文章都需要有一个主题，考生应围绕该主题，借助一些句型、词组等的支持，清楚、连贯地表达自己的思想。
4．所写短文主题突出、结构完整、逻辑性强
考生应根据文字及图表提供的信息，写出语意连贯且结构完整的短文，叙述事情或表达观点和态度，文体规范、语句通顺，用词得当。
笔者在多次的高考阅卷中，发现问题最多的就是书面表达，常见的问题总结如下：
问题一：不会审题
问题二：无高级词汇或句型
问题一：不会审题
【问题描述与分析】
要点齐全是高考书面表达评分标准的基本要求之一。但在考场上，由于担心时间不够、紧张以及不良答题习惯等因素的影响，不少考生答题心切，在没有认真阅读题目要求，没有仔细观察所给的图画、图表等重要信息的情况下就急于作答，结果所写的文章要么遗漏题目要求表达的内容，导致要点不全，有的甚至完全偏离了题目所要求的内容；要么没有根据要求组织材料，导致话说了不少，但仍然缺少要点，详略不分，构思紊乱，结构不清。
【例】 假设你是育才中学学生会主席李华。你校将举办一次英语演讲比赛(speech contest),希望附近某大学的外籍教师Smith女士来做评委。请参照以下比赛通知给她写一封信。
英语演讲比赛
主题：人与自然
时间：6月15日下午2∶00—5∶00
地点：501教室
参赛选手：10名学生
联系人：李华(电话44876655)
欢迎大家光临
注意：词数100左右。
Dear Ms. Smith，
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
With best wishes，
Li Hua
(2010·全国Ⅰ卷)
【参考范文】
Dear_Ms_Smith，
I’m Li Hua. Chair of the Student Union of Yucai Middle School, which is close to your university. I’m writing to invite you to be a judge at our English speech contest to be held in our school on June 15 ’at Room 501. It will start at 2∶00 p．m. and last for about three hours. Ten students will deliver their speeches on the given topic “Man and the Nature”. We hope you will accept our invitation if it is convenient for you. Please call me at 44876655. if you have any questions.
I am looking forward to your reply.
With_best_wishes.
Li_Hua
[试题为应用文中的通知，首先要认真审题，根据通知的内容，明确文章的格式、人称、时态。其次需做到要点齐全。包含最重要的信息，如活动目的、时间、地点、参加对象、发布通知的人等。要求开门见山，简明扼要地把出席对象，注意事项和要求写清楚。最后要记住不要包含任何不必要的信息，力求言简意赅。通知中常用的套语有：Attention, please! / Notice is given that.../ Everyone is expected to attend.../ thank you for your attention！等。
内容要点：
1．自我介绍；
2．邀请做评委；
3．演讲比赛通知的具体内容：
①演讲主题；
②比赛时间；
③比赛地点；
④参赛选手；
⑤联系方式。]
【解决方案与复习指南】
在审题过程中，除了考虑人称和时态外，更重要的是确定好内容要点，要注意写作要求中的细节内容。假如缺少要点，所得分数就会随之降低。建议考生在审题过程中先在草稿纸上列出需要表达的内容要点，然后仔细对照写作要求，看是否包括了所有的内容要点，最后再考虑下一步的构思。
因此，在构思的过程中，要认真阅读题目要求，明确指出所写材料的目的、对象、时间、地点、内容、长度等。考生可以采取给提示画线的方式，标出要点。如果是图画，则可直接在图画旁边标出简短的词语和短句。这实际上就是已经打了一个简单的草稿。按这个思路写出来的书面表达，一定不会跑题或丢掉要点。同时，在审题时还要注意所写文章的体裁，从而对文章的结构进行合理构思。如：
假设你是李华，于2010年6月3日搭乘国外某航空公司航班(flight number BA793)回国后，发现遗失了一个行李箱(suitcase)。现请用英文给该航空公司写一封信，请他们帮你寻找。
信件要点包括：
·陈述写信原因
·简要描述该行李
·说明其重要性
·期待回复并表示感谢
注意：
1．词数100左右。
2．信件格式已为你给出。
(2010·重庆卷)
Dear Sir，
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
Yours sincerely，
Li Hua
【参考范文】
Dear_Sir，
Today, I’m writing to tell you that I lost a suitcase in flight number BA793 when I was on board on June 3, 2010. Frankly, there are some books that are wanted in reviewing NMET, some cash, a credit card and two bank cards in it. As you know, I’ m a student and I need money to buy something to eat. If I don’t eat something, I have no energy to review lessons. All in the suitcase matters to me, so I would like you to do me a favor to see whether you could find it. Besides, I won’t put my heart to study unless it is found. Thus, I’m looking forward to your reply.
Yours_sincerely，
Li_Hua
[试题为应用文中的书信写作，试题只给出写作框架，并未给出所有的具体写作细节，为半开放性写作。写好此文，需注意三点：一是写信格式要准确，信的开头已经给出，但切记要写好信的结尾。二是要详略得当，本文应重点写的是对箱子的描述。三是注意适当地增加细节，恰当地使用连接过渡词，以使行文连贯。]
问题二：无高级词汇或句型
【问题描述与分析】
现在很多老师也常告诉考生要尽量使用一些常用短句，这样是为了得安全分，而新考试大纲要求书面表达“尽量使用较复杂结构和较高级词汇”，书面表达要想得高分，一定要有使用准确的较高级句子作为文章的出彩点。就高中生的思维能力，构思一篇120余词的短文不难，难的是如何准确地表达。“书面表达”的阅卷一般是内容和语言分开评分的。内容是由语言来表达的，而语言又制约着内容的发挥。考生往往用汉语思维布局谋篇，然后用英语写作，从而造成了表达的语言别扭、不伦不类，难得高分。与此同时，用词恰当、语言准确是书面表达的基本要求，但如果考生的基础知识不扎实，对所用词汇、短语、句型的掌握不够熟练，再加上平时没有进行充分的现实写作训练，考场上就很容易出现词法、句法以及拼写错误。在这一方面考生常犯的错误有：
(1)用词单一，文章显得苍白无力。
(2)考生基础知识差或者应试心理不好，在考场上容易忽略上述技巧的运用，从而造成语言表达上的失误或者使文章缺乏亮点而难得高分。
(3)语句平庸，句式单调重复。
【例】 假设你是新华中学的学生李华，你和在上海上学的英国朋友Tom约好下周末去北京旅游，但你因故不能赴约。请根据以下要点用英语给他写一封电子邮件：
1．表示歉意；
2．解释原因；
3．另约时间。
注意：1.词数120～150；
2．可适当增加细节。(2010·山东卷)
【参考范文】
Dear Tom，
I’m sorry, for I won’t be able to pay a visit to Beijing next weekend with you.
Because there are many friends of mine facing a coming English exam, which is without doubt important for them. They are looking forward to my giving a hand to them and they hope to get through the exam successfully. As a result, I will be busy helping them at that time.
In addition, I will attend a party which aims to raise money for the people of Yushu, who suffered greatly from the big earthquake.
In a nutshell, I’m afraid I’ll have no time to accompany you. So I want to put off our time of the visit until the first weekend of next month. Is it OK
Looking forward to your early reply.
Yours，
Li Hua
[先来看一位考生的习作：
Dear Tom，
I am Li Hua in Xin Hua middle school. I wrote this letter to tell you that I can’t go to Beijing with you. The reason is the following.
My grandparents have lived in the countryside for many years. I miss them very much. They will come to live with my family next week. I am very happy and decide to enjoy myself together with them. Do you think I am right or wrong
But next month will be my summer holiday. I will be free then. Would you like to go to Beijing together with me then
I am looking forward to your early reply.
Yours，
Li Hua
本文并没有错误，但是特别闪光的句子也没有，只是平铺直叙了一篇文章，虽然知识点并没有遗漏，但是很难得到高的分数。]
【解决方案与复习指南】
考生首先要通篇把握一下文章的思路，理清思路。提高语言表达准确性的关键在于采用合理的写作步骤，用英语构思，用英语表达，使内容和语言统筹兼顾。在写作时想出的一些句子能按提示要求表情达意，但用英语表达又无把握，就不要勉强使用，可以换用自己熟悉的、能熟练运用的同义英语句型进行表达，并避开意义把握不准或拼写不准的词汇。
此外，在备考中，考生应该在老师的引导下认真复习作文，平日要注意归纳英语写作的规律，用正确的句型、固定的短语和句式进行写作，并积累一定数量的语言素材，在考试的时候灵活运用就可能得到高分。
我们可以采取以下应对措施以避免失误：
“闪亮”组词，“阳光”组句：用词尽量贴切；用词尽量多样；尽量选用高级词汇表达。
(1)运用别样的句式表达，比如在使用比较熟悉的“there be”句型时就不如使用“It seems that there are two reasons for this difference.”的表达效果好。
(2)适当运用省略句：对于各种例子的对比，我们可以适当使用省略句来表述。这样会给人一种简单利落的感觉。
(3)句式多样、语法结构丰富。
“应用了较多的语法结构”应体现为：句式的多样化，灵活使用各种介词短语、非谓语动词结构等方面。如：
假设你将参加某英语杂志社开展的一次征文活动，征文的内容要求你在电视、手机(cell)和网络三者中，放弃其中一个并陈述理由。请你以“Which would you give up: TV, cell, or Web？”为题，写一篇英语短文。
注意：1.字数100左右；
2．可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。(2010·安徽卷)
【参考范文】
We are now living in an information age, in which TV, cells and the Web are widely used. It seems that many people cannot enjoy themselves without them.
However, if I had to give up one of them, I would turn off the TV rather than switch off my cell or cut off the Internet. I could do without TV because few shows take my fancy and there’re too many commercials. Besides, most programs on TV are also available elsewhere.
As for cells and the Web, they are more necessary to me. I need a cell to keep in touch with my friends and family, and almost all information can be gethered on the Internet.
[1.本文是一篇议论文，时态以一般现在时为主，用第一人称。
2．第一段说明对TV、 cell和Web的看法。
3．第二段阐述自己的观点，放弃哪一个。
4．第三段说出自己放弃的理由。
总之，书写问题非一日之功，一定要在平时就多加注意，一定要注意字迹的大小问题，尽量做到不要太小，另外最好不要出现涂改现象(特别是实行网上阅卷的地方)，每次写作时应该先列提纲，想好了再写。]安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（二十八）
下表提供了你所心仪的南、北两所大学的招生信息。通过比较作出选择，并结合个人情况说明理由。
南方大学 北方大学
学费 8 000元/年 5 000元/年
招生人数 20人 10人
优惠政策 无 加20分
学生习作·外教批改
From the table we can see that there are two universities above.1 Though both of them are the excellent schools.I think I would will2 make my mind up3 to go to the northern university.
Firstly，the education fee in the northern university is 5,000 yuan per year cheaper than that of the university4in the south.Secondly，with the government’s great concerns plans5，more and more universities were build up are being built6，such as the “211” contributions，the universities in China have enhanced，enhancing7 their capability.Not only the southern universities，but also the northern universities are all a good choice.Thirdly，if I choice choose8 the northern university，I can　added add9 20 points in to10 my original score.Why not I choose it11 Why shouldn’t I choose it
As far as I am concerned，choose choosing the northern universities is a wise determination the wisest decision.
All in all，I think northern university is the best choice12.
旁　批
1．这一点是显而易见的，不需要提及。要尽量用有趣的事实或者问题作为文章的开头，这
样才能引起读者的兴趣。
2．I think后面的从句中常用将来时，所以这里不必说I would。
3．“做出决定”正确的英文表达是make one’s mind up/make up one’s mind。但是在正式的
文体中最好使用decide。
4．注意应完整表述进行比较的两件事，这样读者才能明白你的意思。
5．plan比concern更好。后者意为“对某人来说是重要的或感兴趣的事物”，隐含的意思是
消极的，即政府似乎在担心这件事。这里说的是政府的计划，所以用the government’s
plans。
6．这是一件正在进行的事情，因此应该使用现在进行时。
7．使用分词结构能够缩短长句子。而且，现在分词是一个复杂结构，可以使你赢得更高的
分数。
8．单词使用错误。choice是名词，应该使用动词choose。
9．注意情态动词后面要加动词原形。
10．动词搭配错误。正确的搭配是add something to。
11．这不符合英语疑问句的构成。应该是Why shouldn’t I choose it？或者Why wouldn’t I
choose it
12．这句话与前面一句意思相同，表述重复。
最近，某网站对“高中教育是否应该取消文理分科”进行了调查，有数万名网民参与投票。结果如下：
人数比例 原　　因
54%主张取消文理分科 1.学生综合素质和竞争力下降；2．不利于培养学生的人文素养。
40%主张保持文理分科 1.学习负担小；2．有充裕的时间发展优势学科。
请根据表格的内容，以“Should Science and Arts Education Be Separated？”为题，写一篇120词左右的英语短文，谈谈你对当前的高中文理分科教育模式的看法。
【参考范文】
Should Science and Arts Education Be Separated
Recently a survey has been conducted about whether the separation of science and arts education should be cancelled？54% of the people agree to cancel the separation practice while 40% are against it.
Those who are in favour of canceling the practice think that the separation of science and arts education has resulted in the poor quality of students，which cannot satisfy the demands of modern society.Besides，students need a good understanding of both science and arts to improve their personality and national competitiveness.
However，those who want to keep the separation argue that it is better for students to be educated separately because it can relieve students’ heavy load.With fewer subjects to learn，they can have more free time to take exercise and learn their favourite subjects.
Personally，I agree to cancel the separation practice.安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（三十八）
如右图，简要描述图片内容，结合生活实际，就图片的主题谈谈自己的想法。
你们让我自己骑好吗？
学生习作·外教批改
Let Children Create Their Own World1
Meimei is learning riding to ride a2 bicycle.Beside her are her parents and grandmother.But They seem to be more anxious than Meimei herself! She wants to ride the bicycle herself，but they followed are following her and prevent3 preventing her by_stopping_her from falling on_the_ground4 off the bike.Meimei is at a loss.
Nowadays，in China，there is only one child in a family.So the child becomes the_life_center_of__the_family5 the center of family life.Some people say，“How happiness6 happy the children nowadays are nowadays7！” But have you seen the problem of_it8 that results
Our children are not able to do many things independently9. Some children can’t dress themselves；others don’t know the way to their own home.Then So what can they do in the future
Then What cause is causing10 the this11 problem That The answer is that the pairents parents pay too much attention to their children.It means they help them too much，ask_them_too_much12. Children can’t grow13 develop well if they are not allowed to do things themselves.
So let them do things by themselves! In many western countries，children are more independent.Just like in Japan14—one of the country countries in Asia，children do_many_hard_practise_in15 work hard both at school and house at home.Why can’t Chinese children I think they can finish_the_work do as well as the Japanese children do!
I wish every_child16 all children could create their own world!
,旁　批
1．没有必要写出标题。
2．可数名词前需加冠词。
3．描述图片中的动作时，要用现在进行时态。
4．她在自行车上，所以最好说她从车上摔下来(fall off the bike)，不要说她摔到地上(fall
on the ground)。
5．原句表达不恰当。参见改写后的句子。
6．词性错误。
7．时间状语一般放在句末而不是句中。
8．原句表达不恰当。参见改写后的句子。
9．需要加上independently，因为这是你的论点所在。正是因为孩子们生活在保护伞下，
他们才什么都不会做。仅仅说Our children are not able to do many things表达不出这
层意思。
10．用现在进行时，因为这个问题还在继续。
11．你在指刚刚提及的问题，所以用this。
12．表达不清楚。问他们什么？
13．你的身体成长用grow，但品质成长用develop。
14．注意：在前一句中，你在讲述西方国家(western countries)，但现在又跳到日本——
一个亚洲国家。为简化，你可以说：In many western countries and Japan，children are...
或者不要提到西方国家。
15．语法错误。参见改写后的句子。
16．把every child改写成all children以和their呼应。
2009年9月3日，武汉某高校新生开学报到。一位“富家女”来校时，父母陪同，豪华车接送，配备了两名专职导游，还携带了19箱行李，惊人的场面使同学们目瞪口呆。同学们对此看法不一，观点如下：
观点一：享受优越的家庭条件带来的便利不是错。
观点二：不利于培养独立生活的能力。
请你据此写一篇120词左右的英语短文，介绍大家的观点，并谈谈自己的看法。
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
【参考范文】
On September 3,2009，a freshman came to a university in Wuhan in a luxurious car together with her parents，two professional guides and 19 suitcases of clothes and toys.This really surprised all her schoolmates present.
Different attitudes are held by the students towards the girl’s behaviour.Some think that it is not wrong of her to enjoy the convenience of favourable family conditions，while others hold the view that it is against the development of independent living skills.
As far as I’m concerned，college students are no longer children and therefore should learn how to live on their own.They should experience challenges and hardships and get mentally prepared for their future life.Only in this way can they succeed in their future career and become useful to society.安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（二十九）
阅读下面两则短讯，谈谈你对网吧(Internet Bar)现象的看法。(不必把短讯译成英文。)
北京市关闭了许多网吧，但仍有学生周末一早乘车去郊区上网。
辽宁省锦州市6 000余名学生举行集体签名仪式，保证远离网吧。
学生习作·外教批改
The news tells us improver1 that the increasing use of Internet Bars will obviously do harm to people，especially to the students who still don’t have strict self discipline over themselves.2
Most students go to Internet Bars to play video games，which costs3 takes much of their precious time.Some students even stay in Internet Bars day and night，forgetting their academic study studies.No doubt these students will finally end up with their otherwise bright future destroyed.Furthermore，4 some students log in5 onto some pornographic websites accidentally，but6 and are eventually absorbed in the excitement of reading erotic stories or viewing dirty video clips.All these are harmful to the7 teenagers and if this is not curbed or the use of the Internet is not properly guided，8 some of them will commit crimes or to satisfy their curiosity.
In my opinion，9 students should use go to Internet Bars under the guidance of their parents and teachers.Only in this way can Internet Bars do students more good than harm.10 truly benefit students.
旁　批
1．没有improver这个单词。不清楚作者在这里想说什么。参见改写后的句子。
2．没有必要，因为self discipline意味着他们对自己的控制能力。
3．表示“花时间”用take time，而不是cost time。
4．这个连接词用得好！
5．正确的用法是log onto而不是log in。
6．上下文不是转折关系。
7．复数名词表泛指时不加冠词。
8．原文不合情理：对色情的沉迷怎么能加以引导呢？只能说对因特网的使用加以引
导。
9．这个连接短语用得好！
10．在英语里很少见到这样的表达。常用的表达方式是：more harm than good。
最近，你校要求所有学生到校午休，同学们对此看法不一。请你根据下列要点写一篇100词左右的短文，客观地反映同学们的观点。
观点一：同意(70%)
理由：在校时间更长，可以多做一些功课；便于统一管理学生到校的时间。
观点二：反对 (30%)
理由：在教室里休息对健康不利；不如在家安静；身体得不到完全放松，休息不充分。
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
【参考范文】
Recently，our school requires that every student should come to school for a nap after lunch.About seventy percent of the students are in favour of the idea，because they think that for one thing，the school can keep the students’ arrival at school under control，and as for students，they can stay at school a bit longer so that they have more time to do their lessons.However，the rest of the students disagree.In their opinion，having a nap at school does harm to their health and it is not as quiet as in their own bedrooms.What’s more，they can’t be so relaxed at their desks as to have a good rest.安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（一）
典例
同龄压力(peer pressure)是青少年成长过程中经常遇到的问题。 假如你是某中学高三学生李明，你的美国笔友Jack来信询问如何应对同龄压力。请你根据以下要点提示给他回一封书信。
1．同龄压力不可避免；
2．每个人都是独特的，没必要跟他人比；
3．……
注意： 1.词数不少于120词；2.可适当增加细节。
【写作策略】
1．仔细审题：(1)体裁：书信。(2)时态：一般现在时。(3)人称：第一人称。
2．确定结构：(1)Formal greeting——可以用 Dear Sir/Madam/Dr Smith等。(2)Body language——正文内容。
(3)Formal ending——正式建议信结束语还要带上 Yours truly/sincerely
等。
3．筛选词汇：glad，common，vocabulary，make suggestions，put...to use，learn...from...
等。)
4．句型搜索：(It’s very important for sb.to do，I’d like to...等。)
5．组句成篇：(常用firstly，secondly，besides，last but not least等。)
【范文赏析】
Dear Jack，
In your last e mail，you asked about how to deal with peer pressure.①I’m very glad to share my views with you.
Peer pressure is a common problem for us young students.We often find someone ②who is superior to us.③For example，they come from a better family，or they have more talents.④Firstly，I think we must face it rather than avoid it.⑤Secondly，we must know that every one of us is unique and has our own advantages.We needn’t compare ourselves with others.⑥Thirdly，we can learn from those ⑦who have real talents.It’s useless just to envy them.By learning from their advantages，we can improve ourselves quickly.
⑧I hope my advice can be of help to you.
【名师点评】
★①得体而礼貌地表达了自己的热情，同时，
为下文→述建议做好了铺垫。
★④⑤⑥层层递进，是文章具有思想性的集
中体现。
★⑧客气地表达了自己的愿望。
★总体评价：思路清晰，层次感强；作者的
建议具有极强的针对性。
【写作指导】
Elegance(优雅)(原文) So so(普通)
(1)I’m very glad to share my views with you.
Now I will tell you how I deal with such problems.
(2)We often find someone who is superior to
us.
We often find that some people are better than us in some aspects.
(3)Firstly，I think we must face it rather than avoid it.
Firstly，I think we must take this seriously.
(4)By learning from their advantages，we can improve ourselves quickly.
We can learn from their advantages and we can improve ourselves at the same time.
(5)I hope my advice can be of help to you.
I hope my advice will help you.
【临摹翻译】
1．范文佳句：In your last e mail，you asked about how to deal with peer pressure.
临摹翻译：在班会上，我们讨论了如何有效处理那些问题。
At the class meeting，we discussed how to deal with the problems effectively.
2．范文佳句：We often find someone who is superior to us.
临摹翻译：他在技术上超过了他的对手。
He is technically superior to his competitors.
3．范文佳句：Firstly，I think we must face it rather than avoid it.
临摹翻译： 我认为我们最好接受他的创意观点而不是反对它。
I think we had better accept his creative idea rather than oppose it.
4．范文佳句：We needn’t compare ourselves with others.
临摹翻译： 把我们的状况和他们的状况相比较后我们很受鼓舞。
We are much inspired after comparing their situations with ours.
5．范文佳句：It’s useless just to envy them.
临摹翻译：与第一次见面的人握手是非常必要的。
It is necessary to shake hands when you first meet someone.
6．范文佳句：I hope my advice can be of help to you.
临摹翻译：我们都知道，在旅游时一张地图是很有帮助的。
We all know that a map is of great help when traveling.安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（二十六）
我打算下星期去看望我中学时的英语老师。她已执教三十年，具有丰富的教学经验。她
的教学方法给我留下了深刻的印象。在她的帮助下，我的英语曾有很大的进步。
学生习作·外教批改
I will1 plan to visit my English teacher next week.She has been a teacher for 30 years.With
her help，my English improved fastly 2 rapidly.She gave me made a good impression on
me.3
I studied in No 2 Middle School.My English teacher is was4 a qualified teacher.She always
helped us in with our English.She is was friendly.At her class，the class is Her class was
full of laughing5 laughter so gave me a good impression.6 I’ll never forget my English
teacher.
I’m I was poor in English，and My my English teacher often tell told me “Where there is a
will，there is a way.” So I think if I work hard and try my best to learn English，I’ll study
well. So I thought that if I worked hard and tried my best to learn English，I would
succeed.
Up to now，many years past.7 Many years have passed since then. I always still remember
my English teacher.I want to thank her and give me courage for8 giving me
encouragement9.
旁　批
1．plan这个词已经有将来的含义，所以不必再用will。
2．没有fastly这个词。可以用rapidly或quickly代替。
3．这才是正确的表达。
4．虽然可能这位女士现在还是一位好老师，但你仍然要用过去时态，因为你在讲述你念中学时候的事情。
5．正确的词组是：full of laughter。
6．你已经说过这句话，没必要再重复。
7．你应该用现在完成时态，因为你正在谈论过去的一件事情对现在的影响。
8．正确的结构是：thank someone for doing something。
9．在这个语境中encouragement比courage好。同时，它的意思也不一样。要确保你所选的词能准确地表达你的意思。
这是一篇较差的作文。文中的时态用得很不好。故事明显发生在过去，但是作者用了
一般现在时。即便如此，句子结构也不正确。
作者的词性知识也不足(如：laughing/laughter，courage/encouragement)。高三水平应
该对词性很熟悉并知道如何将它们用在恰当的语境中。
值得肯定的是，文章的内容表明作者对题目要求还是明确的，并较好地回答了题目所
要求的内容。
高分作文秘诀之一：使用正确的时态。例如：
Instead of (不要说：)A big fire destroy the forest which belong to the villagers.
Use (要说：)A big fire destroyed the forest which belonged to the villagers.
Instead of (不要说：)The village changed greatly since he left his hometown.
Use (要说：)The village has changed greatly since he left his hometown.
Instead of (不要说：)Nancy had promised to come tonight.
Use (要说：)Nancy promised to come tonight.
Instead of (不要说：)So I write to apply for the job.
Use (要说：)So I am writing to apply for the job.
姓名
刘翔
性别
男
籍贯
上海
生日
1983年7月13日
身高
1.88m
体重
74公斤
项目
田径(110米栏)
基
本
情
况
2000年8月入选国家青年田径队
2002年获亚运会及亚锦标赛冠军
2003年在英国世界室内田径锦标赛中获60米跨栏第三
2004年8月27日获雅典奥运会冠军，成绩是12秒91，追平世界纪录，打破奥运会记录
参考范文：
Liu Xiang，with a height of 188cm and a weight of 74kg，was born on July 13,1983 in
Shanghai.In August,2000，he was admitted to the National Track and Field Youth Team.In
2002，he won the gold medals in the men’s 110m hurdles at the Asian Games and Asian
Championship.The next year he took third in the 60m hurdles at the World Indoor
Championships in England.On August 27,2004，Liu won the men’s 110m hurdles final in
12.91 seconds at the Athens Olympic Games，equaling the world record set and breaking the
Olympic record.安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（四十）
该部分要求考生根据提示进行书面表达。考生应能：
1．根据所读文章进行转述或写摘要
读是辨认和理解书面语言，即辨认文字符号并将文字符号转换为有意义的信息输入的能
力；写是运用书面语表达思想、输出信息的能力。考生从所阅读的文章中获取主要信息，
并根据文中所提供的文字信息用图表、摘要等形式表达出来，达到读与写的紧密结合。
2．准确使用语法和词汇
语言的准确性是写作中不可忽视的一个重要方面，因为它直接或间接地影响到信息的准
确传输。应用语法结构和词汇的准确程度是写作部分评分标准中的一项重要内容，拼写
和标点符号运用正确与否也会在一定程度上影响考生的成绩。
3．使用一定的句型和词汇来清楚、连贯地表达自己的意思
任何一篇文章都需要有一个主题，考生应围绕该主题，借助一些句型、词组等的支持，
清楚、连贯地表达自己的思想。
4．所写短文主题突出、结构完整、逻辑性强
考生应根据文字及图表提供的信息，写出语意连贯且结构完整的短文，叙述事情或表达
观点和态度，文体规范、语句通顺，用词得当。
笔者在多次的高考阅卷中，发现问题最多的就是书面表达，常见的问题总结如下：
问题一：不会审题
问题二：无高级词汇或句型
问题一：不会审题
【问题描述与分析】
要点齐全是高考书面表达评分标准的基本要求之一。但在考场上，由于担心时间不够、
紧张以及不良答题习惯等因素的影响，不少考生答题心切，在没有认真阅读题目要求，
没有仔细观察所给的图画、图表等重要信息的情况下就急于作答，结果所写的文章要么
遗漏题目要求表达的内容，导致要点不全，有的甚至完全偏离了题目所要求的内容；要
么没有根据要求组织材料，导致话说了不少，但仍然缺少要点，详略不分，构思紊乱，
结构不清。
【例】 假设你是育才中学学生会主席李华。你校将举办一次英语演讲比赛
(speech contest), 希望附近某大学的外籍教师Smith女士来做评委。请参照以下比赛通
知给她写一封信。
英语演讲比赛
主题：人与自然
时间：6月15日下午2∶00—5∶00
地点：501教室
参赛选手：10名学生
联系人：李华(电话44876655)
欢迎大家光临
注意：词数100左右。
Dear Ms. Smith，
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
With best wishes，
Li Hua
(2010·全国Ⅰ卷)
【参考范文】
Dear_Ms_Smith，
I’m Li Hua. Chair of the Student Union of Yucai Middle School, which is close to your
university. I’m writing to invite you to be a judge at our English speech contest to be held in
our school on June 15 ’at Room 501. It will start at 2∶00 p．m. and last for about three
hours. Ten students will deliver their speeches on the given topic “Man and the Nature”. We
hope you will accept our invitation if it is convenient for you. Please call me at 44876655. if
you have any questions.
I am looking forward to your reply.
With_best_wishes.
Li_Hua
试题为应用文中的通知，首先要认真审题，根据通知的内容，明确文章的格式、人称、
时态。其次需做到要点齐全。包含最重要的信息，如活动目的、时间、地点、参加对象、
发布通知的人等。要求开门见山，简明扼要地把出席对象，注意事项和要求写清楚。最
后要记住不要包含任何不必要的信息，力求言简意赅。通知中常用的套语有：Attention,
please! / Notice is given that.../ Everyone is expected to attend.../ thank you for your
attention！等。
内容要点：
1．自我介绍；
2．邀请做评委；
3．演讲比赛通知的具体内容：
①演讲主题；
②比赛时间；
③比赛地点；
④参赛选手；
⑤联系方式。
【解决方案与复习指南】
在审题过程中，除了考虑人称和时态外，更重要的是确定好内容要点，要注意写作要求
中的细节内容。假如缺少要点，所得分数就会随之降低。建议考生在审题过程中先在草
稿纸上列出需要表达的内容要点，然后仔细对照写作要求，看是否包括了所有的内容要
点，最后再考虑下一步的构思。
因此，在构思的过程中，要认真阅读题目要求，明确指出所写材料的目的、对象、时间、
地点、内容、长度等。考生可以采取给提示画线的方式，标出要点。如果是图画，则可
直接在图画旁边标出简短的词语和短句。这实际上就是已经打了一个简单的草稿。按这
个思路写出来的书面表达，一定不会跑题或丢掉要点。同时，在审题时还要注意所写文
章的体裁，从而对文章的结构进行合理构思。如：
假设你是李华，于2010年6月3日搭乘国外某航空公司航班(flight number BA793)回国
后，发现遗失了一个行李箱(suitcase)。现请用英文给该航空公司写一封信，请他们帮你
寻找。
信件要点包括：
·陈述写信原因
·简要描述该行李
·说明其重要性
·期待回复并表示感谢
注意：
1．词数100左右。
2．信件格式已为你给出。
(2010·重庆卷)
Dear Sir，
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
Yours sincerely，
Li Hua
【参考范文】
Dear_Sir，
Today, I’m writing to tell you that I lost a suitcase in flight number BA793 when I was on
board on June 3, 2010. Frankly, there are some books that are wanted in reviewing NMET,
some cash, a credit card and two bank cards in it. As you know, I’ m a student and I need
money to buy something to eat. If I don’t eat something, I have no energy to review lessons.
All in the suitcase matters to me, so I would like you to do me a favor to see whether you
could find it. Besides, I won’t put my heart to study unless it is found. Thus, I’m looking
forward to your reply.
Yours_sincerely，
Li_Hua
[试题为应用文中的书信写作，试题只给出写作框架，并未给出所有的具体写作细节，
为半开放性写作。写好此文，需注意三点：一是写信格式要准确，信的开头已经给出，
但切记要写好信的结尾。二是要详略得当，本文应重点写的是对箱子的描述。三是注意
适当地增加细节，恰当地使用连接过渡词，以使行文连贯。]安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（二十二）
你叫李宏，你校在为一批来自加拿大的交流学生征寻为期两周的住宿家庭。你有意申请，写封信说明你申请的理由(包括所具备的条件)。
学生习作·外教批改
June 7,2010
Dear sir,_Sir/Madam，
I hear1understand that our school will welcome some Canadian students to_stay_with_us_for_or for two weeks.Students who want to invite them _to_stay_can_take_part_in_it.I_want_to_try.2 I am writing to offer to host one of them.
First，my parents and I can speak English well.That_benefits_us_to_communicate_with_each_other So3 there will be no problem communicating with them.Second，4 our house is big enough for he_or_she5 them to stay.Furthermore，I live near the Huangpu River.It has a good view of Shanghai.
Last but not least，in my home，he_or_she they will enjoy_much_China_culture6 experience a wealth of Chinese culture.My grandpa and grandma are good at handwriting7 and8 my grandma also_has_a_good_skill9 is also skilled in Chinese painting.
I think our friendly10 friendliness will give him them a both11 an interesting and comfortable experience.
Thank you for your_reading_during_your_busywork12considering my application.I_hope_that_you_will_agree_with_me.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours sincerely faithfully，
Li Hong　　　　　
,旁　批
1．正式信件中用understand更好。
2．这句话不必要，要切入正题。
3．原句语法上不正确，另外，可以用连词使句子变长，并把两句话的内容衔接起来。
4．这是另一个要点，应该另起一段。
5．这样表达很别扭。这种情况下，即使你指的是一个人，也可以用复数形式them。
6．这句话有两处错误。第一，“中国文化”的正确表达是Chinese culture而不是China culture。第二，动词应该用experience(体验)而不能用enjoy(喜欢)，因为你不能确定他们是否会喜欢这种文化。
7．作者可能想说calligraphy(书法)。handwriting指“写字风格”或“笔迹”。
8．这两句意思相关联，应该连成一句。这样也可以减少作文中短句子的数量。
9．不能说某人has a good skill in something。可以用skilled in something。
10．词性错误。friendly是形容词。
11．词序不当。
12．这样写很别扭。参见修改后的句子。　
　　这是一篇较好的作文。
作文完整地回答了题目要求。但是没有达到三星级的水平，原因在于作者没有抓住机会写出并列句和复合句而使用了太多简单句。记住：如果这样写，你就无法向考官展示你在高中阶段的学。
高分作文秘诀之十五：使用短语作状语时，要避免逻辑关系混乱。例如：
Instead of (不要说：)At the age of ten，my grandfather died of cancer.
Use (要说：)When I was ten，my grandfather died of cancer.
Instead of (不要说：)As a middle school student，his parents are strict with him.
Use (要说：)Since he is a middle school student，his parents are strict with him.
Instead of (不要说：)To swim properly，a course of instruction is necessary.
Use (要说：)To swim properly，one needs a course of instruction.
Instead of (不要说：)Walking through the park，an old tower came into sight.
Use (要说：)When we walked through the park，an old tower came into sight.
Instead of (不要说：)Falling off the bicycle，my leg got badly hurt.
Use (要说：)Falling off the bicycle，I had my leg badly hurt.
Instead of (不要说：)Going through a red light，the traffic police on duty stopped him.
Use (要说：)Going through a red light，he was stopped by the traffic police on duty.
假设你是李华，是北京科技大学的在校生，想申请国外某大学微电子系的奖学金。请 写一封申请信，说明你的情况及申请的理由。
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
参考范文：
Dear Sir，
I should like to apply for one of the scholarships that your department may be offering to students from other countries.Would you please send me the necessary application forms and any further details about the scholarships
I am a postgraduate student in Beijing Science and Engineering University.I major in microelectronics engineering，and do some research work during my study years.I hope to have a further study and continue to do my research work if I succeed in obtaining the engineering scholarship.
Enclosed are two letters of recommendation and my score report card.Thank you for your consideration.I look forward to your reply.
Respectfully yours，
Li Hua安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（三十九）
据报道，报考技校(vocational school)的人数比往年有显著的增长。试从社会需求、人才观念、待遇报酬等方面分析这一现象。
学生习作·外教批改
It is reported that the number of students who enter1 are entering for vocational schools is larger than ever before.
What has2 caused it this3
The main three reasons are as follows：4
First，as great changes have taken place in our country since the entrance to WTO，more and more specialized personnel are needed.So5 the development of vocational school is
__very_fast_and_the_quality_of_it_has_increased_ a_lot6 vocational schools have developed quickly and training has increased in quality.
Second，as the “knowledge economy” is rapidly taking shape，we need to learn modern science and technology，or we won’t survive in the society.
The_last Last but not least，7 the income of a8 specialized personnel is not bad.Thanks to the shortage of such personnel in our country，they can get_well_paid9 instead10 command a better salary.
Because_of11 With such good conditions，why not being12 a_specialized_personnel learn a specialized skill
旁　批
1．进行时强调动作还在继续。而一般现在时指一种习惯，这里使用不合适。
2．这里用现在完成时表示这种趋势现在仍然存在。
3．this把这个句子与前面的观点联系起来。
4．如果文章的思路和框架清晰，就不必这样表达。
5．要使文章更完美，可以用As a result。
6．这句写得很啰嗦，读起来也很别扭。参见改写后的句子。
7．正确的说法是last but not least，last前不要加the。
8．personnel是复数名词，不可与a连用。
9．口语中可以说某人can get well paid，书面语这样写就不太正式。参见改写后的句子。
10．没有引入另一种情况，所以没有必要说instead。
11．because of用来表示原因，而这里不是谈原因。
12．正确的句型是why not do something，动词要用原形。
　这是一篇较好的作文。论述有力，论据充分。然而作文中出现了多处错误，有些句子写得很不恰当，作文分数也因
此降低了。改进建议：正确使用标点符号。不需要句号的地方，不要用句号。另外，要清楚什么时候该用现在进行时而不用一般现在时。
高分作文秘诀之十四：尽量少使用直接引语，而多使用间接引语。例如：
Instead of (不要说：)I believe that reading books is a waste of time because my Uncle Tom says so.He always tells me，“Reading books is a waste of time.”
Use (要说：)My Uncle Tom often tells me that reading books is a waste of time.I believe that there is some truth in this.
Instead of (不要说：)People say，“Internet cafés should be banned.”
Use (要说：)People believe that Internet cafés should be banned.
Instead of (不要说：)A person said to me，“Don’t forget to bring enough food and water.”
Use (要说：)I was reminded to bring enough food and water.
近期，世界范围内粮食短缺，价格上涨。在你校开展的研究性学习中，你们小组以“The World Food Crisis”这一主题进行研究，现在请你代表你们小组用英语向全体同学简要介绍你们的研究成果。词数100左右。
参考词汇：谷物产量—grain output；
城市化—urbanization；
生物燃料—biofuel
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
【参考范文】
Hello，everyone!
Now let me tell you something about our research project The World Food Crisis on behalf of our group.
As we know，food shortage has hit many countries and even caused social unrest in some areas.But what has caused the current world food crisis？Firstly，annual world grain output had declined because of climate changes.Secondly，lots of farmland has given way to factories and buildings due to the rapid development of industry and urbanization.Besides，faced with the rising energy prices，some people use grain for biofuel，which has worsened the severe situation.
How can we deal with the problem？On the one hand，we should focus on the environmental protection and improve the ecology.On the other hand，strict measures should be taken to protect farmland.
If the whole world works together，I think more food will be produced and we can create a harmonious world.安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（三十六）
李民对电脑很感兴趣。上个月父母为他买了一台电脑。现在他已学会如何操作。他可以利用电脑做很多事。
学生习作·外教批改
Li Ming is very much interested in computers1.To his joy，his parents bought him one on2 for her3 his birthday last week and he couldn’t wait to learn4 how to operate it.
The5 computer has changed Li Ming’s life a_lot6 as it can processes7 information quickly and efficiently.For example，by surfing the Internet，he can be informed8 of what is happening in the world any time.Shopping online is easy and time_saving9 saves time.Instead of going to shops, he just sits in front of the screen and places an order for what he wants to buy.A wide choice of goods10 helps him to make a better purchase.Also he often does research on the Internet for the information he needs for his paper school work.During the his leisure time，computers11 games and movies help Li Ming relax and bring him fun12 enjoyment.
In_a_word13，the computer helps Li Ming a lot in many ways.
,旁　批
1．泛泛谈论一类事物时，可数名词应该用复数形式，不带冠词a或the。
2．正确的用法是：buy something for someone。
3．不要改变所谈论对象的性别。
4．这个短语用得很好！
5．这里特指那台电脑，是李民的父母为他买的那台。因此，需要用定冠词the。
6．如果将a lot换作dramatically，语气更强。
7．can等情态动词之后必须接动词原形。
8．这里被动态用得很好！
9．原句表达不恰当，参见改写后的句子。
10．单词goods指商品，一般为复数，所以应加s。
11．本句中computer是名词作定语，不要用复数形式。
12．正确的说法是have fun或sb.be brought enjoyment。
13．这个说法比较老套，尽量不要用，可以用In conclusion。
Write an English composition in about 100 to 120 words，according to the points given in Chinese.
1．爷爷送我电脑；
2．决心学好电脑，答谢爷爷；
3．有志成为电脑专家。
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
【参考范文】
I have got a computer of my own at last. It is a present from my grandfather. He knows the world situation clearly. He says that using a computer is a must in the modern world. When he learned that I was interested in the machine but I did not have one, he immediately told me that he would offer me one. Now with the machine in front, I feel grateful to my grandfather. I promise him that I will do my best to acquire the knowledge and skill so that I can make good use of it. I will not only learn how to operate the computer, but also make programmes on it. If possible, I will learn computer science in the university so that I will become a computer specialist. I’m sure my grandfather will be very happy when my dream comes true.安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（三十七）
李华在校学习成绩很好。他做完作业后喜欢看电视。他的父亲不允许他看电视，怕李华会因看电视而影响功课。李华却不这么认为。
学生习作·外教批改
Li Hua is one of the top students in his school.He likes watching TV，but his father disagrees1 disapproves for fear that it would2 will make his study3 studies suffer.However，Li Hua holds a different view.
He insists that watching TV shouldn’t be banned completely.He thinks4 believes that he won’t get addicted to it.If one5 he can cope_with balance his study studies in_harmony with entertainment in_a_proper_way6 ，his study grades won’t be affected at all.
It is also his belief that TV can even benefit him a lot.It_can_not_only7 Not only can it keep him informed about the8 national and international current affairs，but it can also provide profound knowledge，thus broadening his horizons.
What Li Hua believes is that TV itself is not a bad thing as long as people who watch it don’t abandon themselves to it.Therefore，he intends to have_a_word9 talk with his father to convey his ideas.
,旁　批
1．disagree不能用来描述某人的行为，应该用disapprove(不赞成)。
2．这是真实条件句，因此要用will而不是would。
3．他在学习不止一门学科，因此这里应该用studies而不是study。
4．在本句中，think暗示他不肯定，believe更恰当，可以表示他肯定自己不会沉溺于看电视。
5．one是一个非常正式的词，现在不常用。如果用one，整个句子其他部分应与其保持一致。由于句子的其余部分都使用了he，那么整个句子应该与he保持一致。
6．这里只要说cope(妥善地处理)就足够了。如果他妥善处理(copes)，那么就一定是以恰当的方式(the proper way)去做。
7．改过之后的词序更好，以免与cannot混淆。
8．用the多余。
9．这是一个很好的短语，但是用在这里不太合适，因为何平是晚辈。如果父亲和儿子说话用have a word是可以的，但反之就不礼貌。这里可以改写成He intends to talk with his father...。
你所在的城市每年在元宵节夜晚都会举办一场大约30分钟的焰火晚会，耗资达150万元，市民对此议论纷纷。下表是某报对市民进行调查的结果：
不同的观点 原　　因
32%赞成 推动消费，促进经济发展.增加节日气氛，给市民带来娱乐
68%不赞成 城市建设不完善，需要资金投入2.造成空气污染，对环境有害
请结合表格内容以“Is it wise to celebrate the Lantern Festival with fireworks？”为题写一篇120词左右的英语短文。
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
【参考范文】
Is it wise to celebrate the Lantern Festival with fireworks
In my city，there is an annual firework display on the night of the Lantern Festival.The citizens have different opinions about it.
According to a recent survey,32% of the citizens approve of setting off fireworks to celebrate the festival.They say the production of fireworks helps increase consumption and promotes economic growth.And the display offers relaxation and excitement to the citizens，which improves the festival atmosphere.
However，other 68% disagree.For one thing，it’s a waste of money.The firework display lasts only 30 minutes，yet it costs about 1.5 million yuan，which can be used for the city construction.For another，while the fireworks are beautiful to look at，they cause air pollution，which is bad to the environment.安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（二十）
如右图，简要描述图片内容，结合生活实际，就图片的主题谈谈自己的想法。
学生习作·外教批改
Let Children Create Their Own World1
Meimei is learning riding to ride a2 bicycle.Beside her are her parents and grandmother.But They seem to be more anxious than Meimei herself! She wants to ride the bicycle herself，but they followed are following her and prevent3 preventing her by_stopping_her from falling on_the_ground4 off the bike.Meimei is at a loss.
Nowadays，in China，there is only one child in a family.So the child becomes the_life_center_of__the_family5 the center of family life.Some people say，“How happiness6 happy the children nowadays are nowadays7！” But have you seen the problem of_it8 that results
Our children are not able to do many things independently9. Some children can’t dress themselves；others don’t know the way to their own home.Then So what can they do in the future
Then What cause is causing10 the this11 problem That The answer is that the pairents parents pay too much attention to their children.It means they help them too much，ask_them_too_much12. Children can’t grow13 develop well if they are not allowed to do things themselves.
So let them do things by themselves! In many western countries，children are more independent.Just like in Japan14—one of the country countries in Asia，children do_many_hard_practise_in15 work hard both at school and house at home.Why can’t Chinese children I think they can finish_the_work do as well as the Japanese children do!
I wish every_child16 all children could create their own world!
,
你们让我自己骑好吗
旁　批
1．没有必要写出标题。
2．可数名词前需加冠词。
3．描述图片中的动作时，要用现在进行时态。
4．她在自行车上，所以最好说她从车上摔下来(fall off the bike)，不要说她摔到地上(fall on the ground)。
5．原句表达不恰当。参见改写后的句子。
6．词性错误。
7．时间状语一般放在句末而不是句中。
8．原句表达不恰当。参见改写后的句子。
9．需要加上independently，因为这是你的论点所在。正是因为孩子们生活在保护伞下，他们才什么都不会做。仅仅说Our children are not able to do many things表达不出这层意思。
10．用现在进行时，因为这个问题还在继续。
11．你在指刚刚提及的问题，所以用this。
12．表达不清楚。问他们什么？
13．你的身体成长用grow，但品质成长用develop。
14．注意：在前一句中，你在讲述西方国家(western countries)，但现在又跳到日本——一个亚洲国家。为简化，你可以说：In many western countries and Japan，children are...或者不要提到西方国家。
15．语法错误。参见改写后的句子。
16．把every child改写成all children以和their呼应。
这是一篇尚好的作文。
有很多基本的结构错误，词汇贫乏，因此等级不高。但是，本文构思得当，疑问句的使用具有创造性，增添了文章的可读性和结构的变化性。
高分作文秘诀之十三：写出引人入胜的开头。
1．使用能激起读者好奇心的句子。例如：
When she got up that morning，she would never have thought she’d be spending the night in prison.
2．使用一些逸闻趣事。例如：
My father used to dress up as Santa Claus every Christmas.For years we had to pretend we didn’t know it was him!
3．使用一些令人惊讶、印象深刻或震惊的事实或数据。例如：
Half of all marriages in the UK end in divorce.
4．使用疑问句。例如：
Have you ever had the feeling that someone was following you
2009年9月3日，武汉某高校新生开学报到。一位“富家女”来校时，父母陪同，豪华车接送，配备了两名专职导游，还携带了19箱行李，惊人的场面使同学们目瞪口呆。同学们对此看法不一，观点如下：
观点一：享受优越的家庭条件带来的便利不是错。
观点二：不利于培养独立生活的能力。
请你据此写一篇120词左右的英语短文，介绍大家的观点，并谈谈自己的看法。
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
参考范文：
On September 3,2009，a freshman came to a university in Wuhan in a luxurious car together with her parents，two professional guides and 19 suitcases of clothes and toys.This really surprised all her schoolmates present.
Different attitudes are held by the students towards the girl’s behaviour.Some think that it is not wrong of her to enjoy the convenience of favourable family conditions，while others hold the view that it is against the development of independent living skills.
As far as I’m concerned，college students are no longer children and therefore should learn how to live on their own.They should experience challenges and hardships and get mentally prepared for their future life.Only in this way can they succeed in their future career and become useful to society.安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（三十一）
请你谈谈轿车大量进入家庭后，对家庭、环境和经济可能产生的影响。
学生习作·外教批改
　　　Nowadays，it is common to see more and more private cars come and go in streets1
on the roads in China.People like to buy2 want to own cars because they are fast and
convenient.Many　families are able to Owning a car allows many families3 to travel to
nearby towns and tourist attractions during holidays by_car.Besides, the4car industry can
promote the economy of our country.
However，the ever increasing number of cars has also given rise to a series of 　　　problems.For example，too_many_cars have　caused5 the increase in the number of cars on the roads has resulted in traffic jams and more traffic accidents.In_addition，cars　are　still　very　expensive　to　buy　in　China　today6. The Worst of all7 ，the　gas　given　off　from　cars car emissions8 pollute the air，which is harmful to health.
Therefore，in my opinion，the number of cars allowed in_streets on the roads should be kept9 under control so as to reduce pollution and traffic accidents they cause.If the balance is well kept，private cars will play a positive role in our life lives and make our life easier and more comfortable.
,旁　批
1．轿车行驶在马路(roads)上，而不是街道(streets)上。当我们泛指或给出统计数字时，
　一般说number of cars on the roads；而当我们说the man on the street或people on the
　streets时，意思是“普通大众”。
2．当你说like to buy的时候，这件事就是一个习惯。不是很多人都能把买轿车当成习
　惯的！
3．你在解释为什么人们想拥有轿车，就要说这样做(拥有轿车)使他们有可能去异地旅
　行。这就使“拥有轿车”(owing a car)成为句子的重点，而非“家庭”(families)。
　原句没有很好地表达这一层含义。
4．industry是不可数名词，表泛指时，不加冠词。
5．原句暗含的意思：很多车都出过交通事故这是一个事实。可能这是真实的，但是作
　者想表达的要点是：轿车数量的增加导致了事故的增多。
6．这怎么是一个问题呢？它可能是个问题，但你必须解释它是个什么问题。
7．正确的表达是：worst of all，不要在前面加the。
8．emissions这个单词更恰当。意思是“发出物，散发物”。
9．这里遗漏了动词kept，因为under control意思是已经得到了控制。
这是一篇尚好的作文。作者使用了较为复杂的词汇(如：give rise to，give off)和结构，并表现出对词性的准确理解。同时，作者在这篇议论文中也很好地使用了连接短语。
要小心使用不同的表达方式。如：like to buy与want to own。虽然作者本意很清楚，但误用短语能够完全改变句子含义。
高分作文秘诀之六：避免出现句子的结构性错误。例如：
Instead of (不要说：)There are twenty students in our class have been to Beijing.
Use (要说：)Twenty students in our class have been to Beijing.
Instead of (不要说：)Many of the students against the plan.
Use (要说：)Many of the students are against the plan.
Instead of (不要说：)Professor Li comes from Beijing University will give us a lecture tomorrow.
Use (要说：)Professor Li from Beijing University will give us a lecture tomorrow.
电脑的使用越来越广泛，给人们带来了诸多方便，但是如果使用不当，也会影响人们的身体健康。请根据下面的要点，写一篇120词左右的英语短文，说明电脑对人体健康的不利影响，并提出改善建议。
1．长时间使用电脑会损害眼睛，影响视力；
2．过多地依赖电脑会造成记忆力减退；
3．久坐电脑前容易造成腰背疼痛、肥胖等问题。
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
【参考范文】
As computers are being used more and more widely in our life，they have brought us a
lot of convenience.However，attention should be paid to their bad effects on people’s health.
To begin with，the bright screen and the frequently rolling words on it do much harm to
our eyes，gradually weakening our eyesight.Besides，depending too much on computers may
lead to a worse memory.Most importantly，when using computers，people tend to sit before
them for a long time.That is why many people often feel uncomfortable on the back.And
some may even get too fat.
　　To improve the situation，I think there should be a short rest every other hour to relax
our eyes and brain.Moreover，people should avoid using computers unless necessary.We can
keep out of the trouble they bring if we use them properly.安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（二十七）
ABC公司准备招聘程序设计员。条件是：外语好、有创造能力和协作精神。请以“李
明”为名，写一封自荐信。
学生习作·外教批改
Dear Sir/Madam,1
I am writing to apply for the position of programmer in your ABC company as
advertised in
yesterday’s newspaper.2
My name is Li Ming.3 I will graduate from university in two months.My major is
computer
science.I am very good at English，especially spoken and written4 English and writing.In
college，I often come up with new ideas or　 imagination.5 and am known for my active
imagination，always I am eager to create new things.Anyone who works with me will find
me a nice man because I am6 easy going and friendly，able to work independently or as
part of a team.7
I am interested in your company simply8 because your company enjoys a high of its good
reputation for quality products and good excellent after sales service after sales service.
The
company offers a good prospect for me if I can work there.9
I am ready to work hard and achieve more success for the company.I would welcome an
opportunity to discuss this application at interview. I am looking10 Look forward to
hearing
from you soon.
Sincerely yours11Yours faithfully，
　　　　　　　　　　　Li Ming
旁　批
1．如果不知道收信人的名字，要这样写。别忘了看信的人可能是位女士。
2．这样写很好。作者一开始就说明了写信的目的。
3．从信尾署名中很明显会看到名字，不要在信里写。
4．词性要和spoken一样，所以应该用written。
5．用词不当。come up with指“想出(主意)”，后面的宾语不能用imagination。
6．这和工作要求无关。
7．你应该写能让你得到这份工作的个人才能。
8．用simply意味着这是你对该职位感兴趣的唯一原因。如果是这样，你很可能得不到这个
工作。
9．这是指公司给你带来什么好处，而要得到这个工作，你要说明你能为公司带来什么好处。
10．在正式信件中最好用look forward to，并且要另起一行。
11．你不知道收信人的名字，所以末尾要用Yours faithfully。
这是一篇较差的作文。
作者在开头就清楚地说明了写信的原因。但是，第二段末的内容与主题无关。作者没有写他/她能为公司做什么或为什么认为自己是最适合这个工作的人。因此，作者不大可能得到面试机会。写求职信的关键不在于篇幅大小，而在于你能否成功地推销自己。
　　　高分作文秘诀之二：使用正确的语态。例如：
Instead of (不要说：)This room is measured 30 feet long and 25 feet wide.
Use (要说：)This room measures 30 feet long and 25 feet wide.
Instead of (不要说：)The apartment is consisted of two rooms and a kitchen.
Use (要说：)The apartment consists of two rooms and a kitchen.
Instead of (不要说：)This city has rapidly been developed into an industrial center.
Use (要说：)This city has rapidly developed into an industrial center.
Instead of (不要说：)A big fire was broken out in the factory last night.
Use (要说：)A big fire broke out in the factory last night.
假设你叫王彬。得知2010年上海世博会招募志愿者的消息，你决定在2010年的暑假当志愿者。现在你需要写一封英语自荐信。内容包括：
1．你个人的情况介绍；
2．你当志愿者的目的。
注意：
1．词数120左右；
2．信的开头和结尾已经给出，不计入总词数。
参考词汇：世博会—the World Expo
Dear Sir or Madam，
I am a student in Senior Three._______________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
I am looking forward to receiving your early reply.
Yours，
Wang Bin
参考范文：
Dear Sir or Madam，
I am a student in Senior Three.I read in the newspaper that you are looking for some
volunteers to serve the 2010 World Expo to be held in Shanghai.Since I will be free
during the
summer holidays，I would like to be a volunteer.Now let me introduce myself.
Among all my subjects，I like English and history best.I speak fluent English and I won
the
first prize in an English Speech Contest in our school last year.As a monitor，I am able to
communicate with my classmates and teachers efficiently.I hope to learn more about
society
and improve my communication skills by being a volunteer.Meanwhile I can help visitors
know more about Chinese culture.
If you give me the chance，I will try my best to do my duty.I am looking forward to
receiving
your early reply.
Yours，
Wang_Bin安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（三十三）
下表列出了两种不同的考查方式，你可以任选其一参加，并说明你选择该考查方式
的理由。
考查方式 课堂考试 学期论文(term paper)
完成时间 2小时 2周
内　容 老师限定 可任选一个你感兴趣的课题
地　点 课堂上 课外
完成方式 独立完成，不得带参考书 可讨论，并可查阅相关资料
学生习作·外教批改
Nowadays1 Traditionally，almost of2 most the3 students have had to study4 sit for a5
an exam in order to text their marks6 test their understanding of what they had
learnt.But a new kind of way can be chose by them 7 now they can choose a new
way.It’s the8 term paper.
Traditional exams only offer the students about 2 two hours to prove their ability
while9The students who choose the term paper own have 2 two weeks to finish it.
The Students must be have their own interest10 be motivated.It is said，“Interest is the best
teacher for student11.” Interest12 Having an interest in the subject will make them study
more successfully.
Look for knowledge can let the thinking of the students wider and righter.13
When students are interested in the subject they are studying，they are more likely to
research the topic in greater depth and broaden their knowledge. The way 14 That is
why the term paper will be welcomed by the students.They will get a new idea15 come up
with new ideas and study hobby16 as they study what interests them and the study will
never hard17be difficult.
旁　批
1．用词不当。nowadays指现在，而这里在谈过去的考试方式。
2．almost of the students在语法上是错误的。almost是副词，意思是“几乎；差不多”；most
是代词，意思是“最多，最大”。
3．most后直接跟名词。
4．不能说study an exam，只能说take an exam或sit for an exam。
5．注意不要犯这类初级错误，以免丢分。
6．表达错误，参见改写后的句子。
7．最好用主动语态使前后一致。
8．这里特指学期论文这种方式，因此要用the。
9．原句意思不完整。要说明学生在两小时内做什么。
10．语法错误。参见改写后的句子。
11．此处不必加for student。这个观点适用于所有人。
12．对什么的兴趣？要写具体些。
13．意思不清楚。参见改写后的句子。
14．表达不清楚，参见改写后的句子。
15．更常用的说法是come up with new ideas。注意不是an idea，因为你的想法可能不止一个。
16．表达不清楚。改写的句子仅供参考。
17．the study will never hard这种表达方法在语法上不正确。参见改写后的句子。will后面应该有一个动词，而hard是形容词。
这是一篇较差的作文。作者使用了一些复杂的句式，大胆地使用了一些单词，
但没能很好地运用它们，没有把想法表达清楚。尤其是最后一段，写得含糊不清。
作者也没有回答题目的要求，只是泛泛地讨论了问题而没有从个人的角度来
分析。写作前要仔细阅读题目要求。
高分作文秘诀之八：使用较复杂句式。例如：
Instead of (不要说：)She is a girl.She is 15 years old.
Use (要说：)She is a girl aged 15.
Instead of (不要说：)Last winter holiday I went to the countryside with my father to visit my grandma.
Use (要说：)My father and I spent our last winter holiday in the countryside，visiting my grandma.
Instead of (不要说：)We hadn’t been there for many years and were greatly surprised at the changes.
Use (要说：)As we hadn’t been there for many years，we were greatly surprised at the changes./Not having been there for many years，we were greatly surprised at the changes.
Instead of (不要说：)I passed my driving test.This surprised my father.
Use (要说：)I passed my driving test，which surprised my father.
体会下列句子的句式结构：
1．We should try to make proper use of the computer，making it a good partner that benefits our life as well as our study.
2．Absorbed in the games, students may have difficulty in controlling themselves，leaving their homework undone.
3．Some students have their health damaged by burying themselves in the Internet.
宣传环保的方式很多，其中有漫画形式，有诗歌形式。两处方式各有特点。请你按照下
列要点写一篇120词左右的英语短文：
1．漫画形式：形象，有趣，易懂，省时；
2．诗歌形式：语言优美，寓意深刻，想象空间大；
3．你喜欢的形式和理由。
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
【参考范文】
There are different ways to popularize environment protection，among which are the cartoon
form and the poem form.
The cartoon form can transform boring and abstract warnings into realistic pictures，which
are quite vivid and interesting.In addition，they would save a lot of time for readers because the
information contained in pictures is more concentrated and easily understood.
With a good sense of rhythm，poems are usually written in rhyme.The languages used in
poems are so nice that readers are easily attracted.Furthermore，poems usually convey deep
thoughts and are imaginative.
Personally，I’d like to choose the cartoon form.It can help readers understand the topic in a
relaxing way.Meanwhile，readers can enjoy the beauty of the art.安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（三十五）
我花了许多时间准备高考(college entrance examinations)。考试结果要一个月后才知道。但是不管能否考上大学，我都要继续努力学习，为建设祖国作贡献。
学生习作·外教批改
I have spent much a lot of time preparing for this1 the college entrance examinations.
Actually2 I have truly tried my best.
The result of the examinations will be shown3 released in a month.I will send myself to the motherland no matter exam or not.4 No matter how badly I do in the exams，I will contribute to the motherland. I won’t stop studying.Every student should know that although one you maybe5 may fail the exam，but 6 he you can also7 still be useful for to the country.We must have a great clear goal.Then we will have a_great power8 the drive to work and studying.9
Now，our country is developing more and more faster10 rapidly and so we need more and more people who have a11 good education.I believe it is a good chance for me to show12 prove my ability.
旁　批
1．this使用错误，examinations是复数形式，this是单数形式。此外，你这里指的是一个专门的考试，因此要用the。
2．actually这个词通常用来更正错误的信息，这里情况并非如此，因此应该用truly来强调他如何努力学习。
3．公布考试结果应该用release而不是show。
4．意思不清楚，参见改写后的句子。
5．用词错误。应该是may而不是maybe。
6．同一句中用了although就不需要用but了。
8．原句表达不正确，参见修改后的句子。
7．用词错误，also是用来给出更多的信息，用still暗示尽管你考试没考好，但对国家仍然是有用之才。
9．study接在不定式符号to后面，所以不能加 ing。
10．使用一个意义较强烈的单词比使用more and more...要好得多。
11．在本句中education是可数名词，在单数可数名词前面应该加上a。
12．用prove更好。
　这是一篇尚可的作文。
很明显，作者理解了题目要求。但遗憾的是，文中出现了很多语法和结构错误。尽管这些错误并不完全影响读者对作文的理解，但大部分错误是这个水平的作文不该出现的。
论点表达也不够流畅。作者在第二段说考试结果不重要，而后又得出结论说国家需要更多受过良好教育的人。这两个观点都说得通，但表述时不能自相矛盾。
文章词数也不符合题目要求。至少应该写120个单词。
　高分作文秘诀之十：避免重复使用同一单词或短语。例如：
Instead of (不要说：)There are many people who speak English，so after learning English，you can communicate with them easily.
Use (要说：)There are many people who speak English，so after learning the language，you can communicate with them easily.
Instead of (不要说：)I like reading while my brother likes watching television.
Use (要说：)I like reading while my brother enjoys watching television.
Instead of (不要说：)In my hometown a new railway is being built and a power station is going to be built next year.
Use (要说：)In my hometown a new railway is under construction and a power station is going to be built next year.
Instead of (不要说：)TV has a great influence on children and it also has a great influence on adults.
Use (要说：)TV has a great influence on children as well as on adults.
假设你是李晓平，是“江苏中学”的学生。请你围绕“建设和谐社会”的主题，根据下面所给出的要点提示，用英语给全省中学生写一封倡议书。
要点提示：1.人与社会：祖国、家乡、学校，热爱关心……
2．人与人：家人、师长、同学，诚信互助
3．人与自然：能源、环境、动植物，爱惜保护
4．你的态度(内容由考生自己拟定)
注意：
1．词数：100左右。倡议书的开头、结尾以及提示句已为你写好，不计入词数。
2．内容可适当发挥，注意行文连贯。
A letter to High School Students in Jiangsu
Dear fellow students，
Our government is aiming to build a “harmonious society”. I think it is every citizen’s duty to work hard to achieve this goal.
As high school students, what should we do
...
As for myself，...
Dear fellow students, let’s start right now and spare no effort to do a little bit every day, every hour, and every minute!
Li Xiaoping
From Jiangsu High School
【参考范文】
A letter to High School Students in Jiangsu
Dear_fellow_students，
Our_government_is_aiming_to_build_a_“harmonious_society”．_I_think_it_is_every_citizen’s_duty_to_work_hard_to_achieve_this_goal.
As_high_school_students,_what_should_we_do
First of all, we should love our motherland. Let’s take a great interest in the development of our hometown and take an active part in our school and class activities.
Secondly, let’s fill the world with love. We should show our respect for old people, our parents and our teachers. We should also care for each other and help those in need. Most important of all, all of us must be faithful and honest in our daily life.
Finally, let’s work together to save energy and protect our natural environment, including animals, trees, flowers and grass.
As_for_myself,_I will study even harder and try my best to do all the above.
Dear_fellow_students,_let’s_start_right_now_and_spare_no_effort_to_do_a_little_bit_every_day,_every_hour,_and_every_minute!
Li_Xiaoping
From_Jiangsu_High_School安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（三十）
简要描述图片，并谈谈你对学生在业余时间参加过多的补习和培训的看法。
学生习作·外教批改
In the cartoon “Let Go of Me”1，the boy has to attend many spare_time_schools2 extra classes, leaving him tired and depressed.It3 This vividly reflects our present school life.
I think too many after school classes do students more harm than good.We are occupied with too many extra classes and endless homework every day，which gives us no time to developing4 our own interests and real_abilities talents.As a result，many students feel physically and mentally stressed and some even suffer from nerve5 nervous disorders or poor health.No wonder about 60% of the6students wear glasses today7.
We students should not be robbed of our spare time.We desire a golden and cheerful childhood.Going to the theatre，visiting museums and joining8 in social activities should become be part of our life9 lives.I believe these activities will broaden our horizons and make our school life10 fun and meaningful.
旁　批
1．这是标题，每个实词的首字母都应该大写。
2．这种表达方式不正确。可以用extra classes或after school classes。
3．用指示代词语气更强，起到将本句与上一句联系的作用。
4．这里的to是动词不定式，因此动词必须用原形。只有当to是介词时，后面才能用动名
词，即 ing形式。例如：I look forward to seeing you.
5．nerve是名词，这里需要用形容词。
6．复数名词表泛指时不加冠词。
7．这个例子不能有效地支持作者的观点。近视不代表身体不健康，也不能说明神经功能紊
乱。
8．and前后的动词形式要保持一致。由于前面两个动词是动名词形式，因此join也应该是动
名词形式。
9．our后应该跟名词复数。
10．school life泛指是单数形式，不要用our来修饰。
参考下面漫画，请以I’m a Senior Three Student为题，用英语写一篇120词左右的短文，短文应包括以下几条要点，不要逐条翻译。
【参考范文】
I’m a Senior Three Student
The picture shows a boy who stays up late doing his homework. Scores of books pile on the desk in front of him. There are always papers waiting to be finished and problems to be solved, seeming to have no ending. Time is never long enough for a student of Senior Three. What I do every day is to listen to the teachers’ lectures, take notes and do my homework. I hope our teachers will help us get more knowledge with fewer lectures, exercises and less homework. Only in this way will we have more spare time to enjoy our life.安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（二十一）
据报道，报考技校(vocational school)的人数比往年有显著的增长。试从社会需求、人才观念、待遇报酬等方面分析这一现象。
学生习作·外教批改
It is reported that the number of students who enter1 are entering for vocational schools is larger than ever before.
What has2 caused it this3
The main three reasons are as follows：4
First，as great changes have taken place in our country since the entrance to WTO，more and more specialized personnel are needed.So5 the development of vocational school is very_fast_and_the_quality_of_it_has_increased_ a_lot6 vocational schools have developed quickly and training has increased in quality.
Second，as the “knowledge economy” is rapidly taking shape，we need to learn modern science and technology，or we won’t survive in the society.
The_last Last but not least，7 the income of a8 specialized personnel is not bad.Thanks to the shortage of such personnel in our country，they can get_well_paid9 instead10 command a better salary.
Because_of11 With such good conditions，why not being12 a_specialized_personnel learn a specialized skill
旁　批
1．进行时强调动作还在继续。而一般现在时指一种习惯，这里使用不合适。
2．这里用现在完成时表示这种趋势现在仍然存在。
3．this把这个句子与前面的观点联系起来。
4．如果文章的思路和框架清晰，就不必这样表达。
5．要使文章更完美，可以用As a result。
6．这句写得很啰嗦，读起来也很别扭。参见改写后的句子。
7．正确的说法是last but not least，last前不要加the。
8．personnel是复数名词，不可与a连用。
9．口语中可以说某人can get well paid，书面语这样写就不太正式。参见改写后的句子。
10．没有引入另一种情况，所以没有必要说instead。
11．because of用来表示原因，而这里不是谈原因。
12．正确的句型是why not do something，动词要用原形。
这是一篇较好的作文。论述有力，论据充分。然而作文中出现了多处错误，有些句子写得很不恰当，作文分数也因此降低了。改进建议：正确使用标点符号。不需要句号的地方，不要用句号。另外，要清楚什么时候该用现在进行时而不用一般现在时。
高分作文秘诀之十四：尽量少使用直接引语，而多使用间接引语。例如：
Instead of (不要说：)I believe that reading books is a waste of time because my Uncle Tom says so.He always tells me，“Reading books is a waste of time.”
Use (要说：)My Uncle Tom often tells me that reading books is a waste of time.I believe that there is some truth in this.
Instead of (不要说：)People say，“Internet cafés should be banned.”
Use (要说：)People believe that Internet cafés should be banned.
Instead of (不要说：)A person said to me，“Don’t forget to bring enough food and water.”
Use (要说：)I was reminded to bring enough food and water.
近期，世界范围内粮食短缺，价格上涨。在你校开展的研究性学习中，你们小组以“The World Food Crisis”这一主题进行研究，现在请你代表你们小组用英语向全体同学简要介绍你们的研究成果。词数120左右。
参考词汇：谷物产量—grain output；
城市化—urbanization；
生物燃料—biofuel
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
参考范文：
Hello，everyone!
Now let me tell you something about our research project The World Food Crisis on behalf of our group.
As we know，food shortage has hit many countries and even caused social unrest in some areas.But what has caused the current world food crisis？Firstly，annual world grain output had declined because of climate changes.Secondly，lots of farmland has given way to factories and buildings due to the rapid development of industry and urbanization.Besides，faced with the rising energy prices，some people use grain for biofuel，which has worsened the severe situation.
How can we deal with the problem？On the one hand，we should focus on the environmental protection and improve the ecology.On the other hand，strict measures should be taken to protect farmland.
If the whole world works together，I think more food will be produced and we can create a harmonious world.